Written by contributing writer, Trina Holden.
This spring, being the analytical person that I am, I discerned that the stress level I was enduring and the general behavior and attitude of my kids and myself was no longer tolerable.
In other words, I was fed up, and it was time for a change.
Ahh, but I had tried to change in the past, and I knew all my try-hard efforts would only get me so far. A different tactic would have to be employed.
A Problem of {My} Heart
Sally Clarkson clued me in to the true problem (and thus the solution) as I read the first chapters of her book The Mission of Motherhood. She wrote of “The Divided Heart”, and I fit her description to a ‘T’. She shared her own journey and the decision to pursue motherhood whole-heartedly:
“Instead of pursuing a career with mothering tucked in around the edges, I have chosen to focus first on the mission of motherhood. My reward for this decision has been both simple and profound. I have been able to know the joys of mothering without a divided heart.” –Sally Clarkson, The Mission of Motherhood
Her beautiful description of whole-hearted mothering–in contrast to my own messy attempts at being the mom I wished I could be while juggling so many other balls–prompted me to pray a dangerous prayer.
“Lord, change my heart toward my children.”
I wanted to view them not as distractions, mess makers, and cute-but-time-consuming barriers between me and my definitions of success, but as gifts that allowed me to be what I’d always wanted to be: a mother. I wanted them to become my highest priority, and I knew that required heart change, not another set of rules or a new schedule.
Let me testify: this is the kind of prayer the Lord loves to answer.
The Change
I began to feel a difference after only a few days. I was beginning to cherish and enjoy my children more! My passion was rekindled to be the kind of mom I had always planned on being–a mom who read and played and drew and sang and climbed trees with her kids. I began to notice the little moments in each day to create these memories with my children. It did involve sacrifice in other areas, but thanks to God’s work in my heart, I felt the grace to embrace the sacrifice.
As we leave summer behind and head into a busy fall season, I find my heart quaking at the challenge of maintaining my new rhythm. But I’m beginning to see grace and beauty in the process because my new motivation is coming from a place of joy instead of shame.
Minus the Guilt
Jerry Jenkins wrote about a choice he made at the beginning of his writing career–to only write after his children were asleep. He believed in quality time with his children, so after working his day job, he’d spend time with his kids and not write till after they were in bed. He feels God blessed this choice and that his success as an author is largely due to keeping his priorities straight. He said,
“The major benefit for me as a writer? No guilt…There are things more important than your writing career.” –Jerry Jenkens, Writing for the Soul
I want to be a mom without guilt–don’t you? And I believe that wherever we find ourselves, whatever other passions and callings and roles He has given us, God will equip and provide grace for us to fulfill our highest calling without guilt. We just have to be willing to let Him do heart surgery.
If you struggle, as I do, with keeping motherhood balanced with all the other passions and pulls of life, I want to challenge you–not to another list of resolutions, or a new schedule, but simply to pray one small prayer from the heart:
“Lord, change my heart.”
He tells us He can change the hearts of Kings. I think He can handle this mamma heart, don’t you?
In many facets of my homemaking, I am still very old fashioned. When it comes to menu planning, I really like a simple plan. No fancy menu planning software, programs, or applications. Many others might find these systems useful, but I love the simplicity of my 
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Housecleaning is one task that I just LOVE! Actually, not really. It’s last on the agenda and last on the list of priorities in my life right now. But there is certainly some level of maintenance that must take place in order for our home to run smoothly and peacefully, and for us to be able to extend any level of hospitality. I honestly am a recovering perfectionist.
I labored diligently to get my house picked up and cleaned today…the floor needed a serious mopping (as evidenced by my baby’s knees and feet which were black from crawling all over the floor), the garage was overflowing with stuff and the car had been kicked out of its home. My windows are overflowing with fingerprints and streak marks. But there is life happening here today.
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