When You Are Weary and Ready to Scream

I lay awake as the hours slipped by. Sleepytime tea, melatonin, protein snack, reading. This cycle repeats trying to get my mind to turn off and let go into sleep. As darkness surrounds me and others sleep soundly nearby, I battle doubt, fear, desperation. Darkness brings such lies and fearful thoughts into my mind. I have been dealing with insomnia for nearly three years now. I don’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed the recommended eight hours of sleep, not from lack of desire or intentionality. I’ve tried nearly every natural remedy, suggestion, drug, or sleep specialist. I know the feeling of desperate tears falling down my cheeks as I cry out for relief in these dark moments. Day by day, I struggle for strength to face the challenges and responsibilities of each day.

If you are in a place of desperation right now…struggling to trust the purpose and plan of our Lord…if your husband is out of work, and the finances are running dry. If you are sick and weary from a long term illness. If you just tired of holding down the fort and dealing with kids that are bickering and fighting hour after hour…I know the feeling.

In one of my moments of desperation, God spoke three little words of truth to my soul: “My daughter, I am the God of rest, comfort, and strength for you today. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Simply embrace my rest today.”

He is the God of REST:

“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Ex. 33:14)

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken” (Psalms 63:1-2).

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:28-30).

He is the God of COMFORT:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all mercies and God of all comfort. Who comforts us in all our affliction…for as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we may share abundantly in comfort too” (2 Cor. 1:3-5).

“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loves us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope, comfort you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say” (2 Thess 2:16-17).

“As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem. You shall see, and your heart shall rejoice; your bones shall flourish like the grass; and the hand of the Lord shall be known… (Is. 66:13-14)”

As our loving Comforter, He stands by our side to minister soothing balm to our needs. He is my Comforter, providing everlasting comfort for my soul. He shares it abundantly. Under His wings my soul can find refuge and hope.

He is the God of STRENGTH:

“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless towards him” (2 Chron. 16:9).

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength…they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” (Is. 40:28-31).

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Is. 41:10).

Dear sisters, He will kiss, bandage up your wounds, pick you up again and again and hold you in His arms and whisper words of love in your ears. Let go and rest in His arms. He brought you, O daughter, from the ends of the earth, from the farthest corners, from the depths of your sin, to be his own precious child. He will not cast you off but offers His very presence to be with you all the days of your life. He is my God! He is with me! He promises to uphold me with His very own arm – the strongest and most reliable arm available for me.

Don’t put your hope in health, sleep, the perfect job or circumstances; put your hope in the rock that cannot bend against the tide. The enemy who fights against you will be no more – he will perish forever. Our Lord holds your hand. He is the God of help and strength. Find your strength today by sitting at the Master’s feet, as strength is found in His fellowship.

I may struggle with this battle of insomnia for the rest of my life…only God knows. But I do know that He is a very present help in trouble and brings great good in my life through this trial. And my life is bringing glory to Him as I embrace the trial and seek to cling desperately to His hand and be faithful with the strength that He alone provides.

“The Lord is my portion, says my soul; therefore, I will hope in Him” (Lam. 3:24).

“Look around you and be distressed,

look within you and be depressed.

Look to Jesus, and be at rest.”

- Corrie ten Boom

{Photo Credit}

About Lindsay

Lindsay Edmonds is first a lover of Jesus, wife, mother of four, homemaker, and writer. She loves inspiring women around the world toward simple, natural, and intentional living for the glory of God.

81 Responses to When You Are Weary and Ready to Scream

  1. Tara November 11, 2012 at 10:22 am #

    Lindsay, your blog is blessing me SO much! I wanted to share with you a simple remedy that has worked for many, including myself. I’m not saying anyone HAS to do this (or that this is the only way to cure insomnia), but it can’t hurt to try and see how you feel. This is a simple suggestion, take it or leave it…

    Try not eating heavy protein after 6:00pm; focus consuming your densest proteins during breakfast and lunch. Taper off to carbs later in the day and evening. I realize that goes against conventional “wisdom,” but I’ve read books that suggest protein is a macronutrient that is designed to rev us up and give us energy to perform our tasks throughout the day and keep our brains alert; it boosts DOPAMINE.

    However, at night, what the brain needs to get and stay calm (and go to sleep!) is SEROTONIN, which can be had from simple carbohydrates. A common myth (often pushed by fitness gurus selling something) is that carbs at night make you gain weight, but when you’re eating intentionally (concentrating heavy proteins during the day) and tapering off, it changes your brain chemistry so you DO NOT gain weight; you actually become more balanced in mind and body. At least, this is what I’ve found. The traditional high-carb breakfast and high-protein dinner is the reverse of what some of us need.

    I didn’t believe it until I tried it, but it worked, sister. The key is to save your high-carb snacks (and carbs alone) for nighttime and weekends, when you want to relax and bond with loved ones. Try eating simple pasta, rice or a potato for dinner, or your favorite cookies at night instead of a protein bar.

    God created serotonin to help us relax and rest!

  2. Kelly M October 9, 2012 at 4:01 pm #

    I just stumbled upon your blog and bookmarked it, well God knew becouse I read this post and it helpd me so much! I am a pastors wife and stay at home mom of 4 and I needed to read these scriptures of ecourgement. Thank you.

    p.s. sometimes sleep issue come from hormonal deficiencies, I know a little about that if you would like to email me.

    Kelly M

  3. Karen October 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm #

    Wonderful post. Thank you for your openness. I always love to read your posts especially the ones on family life. You may never know just how many lives you are touching for Jesus. May you know the fullness of the Lord’s deliverance, even in this very night. I pray the scripture for you “I will lie down and sleep for you alone oh Lord make me to dwell in safety.”
    Blessings!

  4. Sheri October 2, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    Hi Lindsay,

    I’ve been reading your blog since before Titus was born. I have been inspired, humbled, and challenged by your authenticity and humility and great faith. I came home this evening really struggling with some circumstances in life, crying out to God, then I turned on my computer and began to catch up on your blog. Although it’s not insomnia so much that is my struggle, your words were a word from the Lord and I thank you for being willing to be a beautiful vessel that Christ uses for many purposes, even those you never know about. I felt God’s love for me as I read the scripture and the encouragement you put on the page. A heartfelt thank you, my sister in Christ. And I will pray these verses over your life tonight.

    • Jean Shaffer October 2, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

      My heart goes out to your insomnia, Lindsay. I had the same problem, for years. My Amish friend recommended this book which cured me. “Say Good Night to Insomnia” by Gregg D. Jacobs, PH.D. I bought it for a couple of dollars at Amazon.

  5. Dipti October 2, 2012 at 6:25 am #

    Hi, I know what the feeling is. Please hang in there and keep praying. I was troubled with insomnia too, when i got married and had to move to a new country. All my life, i always managed to keep myself busy until I could just drop and sleep. But the new place, new people and new life was too much of a change for me to take on, all at once. So, i recently tried homeopathy and it is working wonders on me. Its only been 15 days now and I can get atleast 5 hrs sleep every night without trouble. Just thought of sharing one more natural way that could help you.

    Love,
    Dipti

  6. Di September 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

    Thank you so much for this, Lindsay, and for speaking from your heart. My first baby is due in just over 2 weeks, and the cares of carrying this little one have been wearing me down–along with my propensity to try to single-handedly carry the weight of the world :) Thank you for this reminder of what is TRUE when life feels overwhelming. God used this post to provide rest, comfort, and strength for me.

  7. Rebecca September 28, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

    I stumbled upon this blog site while looking up something for a recipe. I love it! I am a stay at home mom of 2 boys 4 yrs. and 1 1/2.

    I know you said you tried everything for insomnia. My heart goes out to you. I have had terrible problems with it too. I now take valerian root tincture so I can taylor it to how much I need each night. Just a thought. It works really well for me. I know God will take care of us, but boy sleep can go a long way!!

  8. Jennifer September 27, 2012 at 2:22 am #

    Thank you! This was such an encouragement and blessed reminder. I loved this line: “[M]y life is bringing glory to Him as I embrace the trial and seek to cling desperately to His hand and be faithful with the strength that He alone provides.” For me, it’s been the lesson of this past year.

    Not to detract from the message, but the second quote is from Psalm 62, not 63.

  9. Julie September 26, 2012 at 5:37 pm #

    Lindsay, thank you for sharing your trial and the wisdom and comfort from the Word. This is a beautiful post! I am praying for you.

  10. Carol September 25, 2012 at 10:52 am #

    And let me guess… your husband was snoring soundly beside you! :)

  11. Michelle W September 25, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    Thank you for the encouragement! I think I got total of 3 hours of sleep last night….and every night. I pray God brings you sleep!

  12. Jess September 25, 2012 at 7:14 am #

    Lindsey. Last night I read your post and prayed fervently for you. The Lord chose to render me a night of sleeplessness. In our shared trial I continued to speak to the Lord, and this is for you:
    Mark 12:44. “For they put in out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all that she had.”
    The Lord Jesus has noticed you… a widow of sleep…giving every last ounce of energy to your family, however meager it may seem to you. It is a rare gift, a precious perfume to Him. For “whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me.” Mark 9:37. Despite your impoverished body, you receive your children and husband, and vicariously your God, into your day. You bless our Lord in this. I praise God for allowing a sister to please Him so deeply…even in this generation. Holy hugs.

    • Lindsay September 25, 2012 at 7:48 pm #

      What sweet words! Thank you Jess!

  13. Koe September 25, 2012 at 4:10 am #

    I listen to audiobooks at night very softly on my mp3 player. Or the Bible being read. It keeps my mind off of any nagging thoughts and off the fact that I’m not sleeping. Finally after a while I get sleepy and can turn it off. This technique has made a big different for me. Thanks for your encouraging words!

  14. Andrea September 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    Thank you for the verses. I

  15. Hannah September 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm #

    I too suffered a year long bout of serious insomnia. I finally over came this when I had my hormone levels checked and I was very low in progesterone. When it’s low you can’t relax. I was able to get this leveled out and I also take hylands calms for nervous tension and sleeplessness. So many women are suffering the same and thank you for reminding all of us where our focus should be!!

  16. Dawn September 23, 2012 at 8:03 am #

    Thank you!!! This is exactly what I needed to read at this exact moment. God is so good. Right now I am struggling desperately with an unknown illness that currently has me bed bound. I am unable to speak and have right sided paralysis. The doctors are stumped and needless to say I am feeling desperate and helpless. Thank you for the reminder to rest in the Lord. I am going to bookmark this post with all these wonderful scripture reminders of God’s goodness. thank you again for the reminder just when I needed it!!

  17. Courtney September 22, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

    Lindsay! What a moving blog post that was! In my past, I never slept well. As a child , I was plagued with nightmares and awful allergies. As I got older, those nightmares turned into anxiety. Now, after a lot of prayer, counseling, changing key things in my lifestyle, and just plain holding on, I am sleeping better than I ever have. One of the things God spoke to me is very similar to what he said to you – I am your rest, cast your cares and worries on me. The times I’d pray at 4am, crying out for rest…He heard me!

    I’ll be praying that the Father brings you to a place in Him that moves you to a better physical rest you have never experienced!

  18. Tera September 22, 2012 at 5:08 am #

    Thank you for this encouragement! Thank you for being so vulnerable and testifying to the sustaining power of Jesus. Ultimately The Lord is our portion, so I feel awkward in also offering this suggestion, but my naturopath gave me this for insomnia: http://www.amazon.com/Kavinace-60-capsules-by-Neuroscience/dp/B0025Z45NG and it has truly changed my life. The caveat is to use under physician’s care if nursing, but it has been amazing in my experience. Again, thank you for the reminder that we find refuge in Him first and above all circumstances and that we can take joy in the trial that molds us to His likeness. Those moments of intimacy with the Creator while crying out to Him moment by moment are so precious, and we can be thankful for the trials of life that keep us pinned to Him.

  19. Carolyn September 22, 2012 at 3:25 am #

    Green Smoothie Girl finally conquered her insomnia with Liquid Light “I was diagnosed with 20/20 vision when I was 40—that was the last degenerative condition to completely resolve. That and insomnia, which resolved when I started taking amazing Liquid Light (with fulvic acid complex)—love the minerals, the chelating ability, the detoxifying ability, the power in that product.” http://blog.greensmoothiegirl.com/2011/12/09/nutrition-is-usually-a-gradual-process-of-changes-and-improvement/

    Also:
    http://blog.greensmoothiegirl.com/:

    Kava is the most-studied as being efficacious for anxiety and insomnia. Kava affects a GABA-receptor-binding capacity and blocks norepinephrine uptake. One study in Germany found it to have effects equal to benzodiazepines, but without side effects.

    Other supplements include L-tryptophan, currently banned in the U.S. due to an incidence of contamination. But 5-hydroxytryptamine (5-HTP) might be more effective anyway, as it is apparently more bioavailable and doesn’t compete with other amino acids in the body.

    Its function is to increase beta-endorphins, your “feel-good” hormones. A typical dose is 200 mg per day, and this supplement can be found online or in health food stores.

  20. Sherrin September 22, 2012 at 2:10 am #

    I have found that my worst emotional times come when I can’t sleep and the devil seems to use that time to bring forward anything worrying. So I feel for you in experiencing this so much and am praying for God’s continuing strength and comfort.

  21. Melissa September 21, 2012 at 8:16 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing. I am in the midst of some health struggles and insomnia is one of the symptoms. This was very encouraging. God bless you.

  22. Christa September 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

    I think that this was meant for me today and at this very moment. You see, I suffer from anxiety attacks. I was just in the middle of one and when I experience my attacks I try to do something that relaxes me. One of the things that relaxes me is reading peoples blogs. I ran across this same blog earlier today and this post was not on it. But tonight when I went back to it there it was. Thank you so much for allowing God to speak through you to me. This was exactly what I needed to here in this very moment.

  23. Meghan September 21, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    I think God gave you this just for me today. It made me cry. I’m a single mom of two toddlers with my first full-time job (teaching special ed.), plus I have an hour commute each way, every day. I’m exhausted to the point that it is soul-crushing. I really needed to read this. Thank you.

  24. Sarah September 21, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    Thank you.

  25. Lisa September 21, 2012 at 9:35 am #

    Oh, how I needed this! I was indeed weary and crying this week as I struggle with my new role of full-time work-outside-the-home mommy to a 4 month old. I will copy down these verses and carry them with me!

  26. Alexandra September 21, 2012 at 3:34 am #

    Lindsay,
    Just this morning before reading this post I was researching tips for insomnia… Mine is not as close to as extreme as yours, but it will seem to be a few days on and a few days off.. I thought of Job. He did everything right, but God allowed Satan to put things in his life that were difficult. It could be that you are trying everything right and God is allowing you to go through this for this season. My prayer is for you and I both that it will make us look more like Christ. I know for myself I tend to want to be lazy during the day; waiting for a burst of energy; but most likely it won’t come. I pray this is just a season and something that will soon be lifted. I too believe in natural remedies and healing; but what if at one point it’s just not God’s will for you to be healed; that’s hard for me to swallow.
    -Alexandra

  27. [email protected] September 20, 2012 at 8:33 pm #

    I love your thoughts Lindsay thank you for sharing. I have had times of sleeplessness in life also it can be so hard. Have you heard of using Lobelia and Cayenne? You probably have but I recently tried it and was amazed that such a simple thing could work so quickly.

  28. Susan September 20, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    OMGosh! Tears, tears, tears rolling down my face! Lindsey, I want you to know that the Lord has used you this day to do a mighty work! I was up all night last night until 4:00 this morning with the same fearful thoughts and doubts. My husband is not working right now because he had toe surgery on both feet, he doesn’t have sick leave, and he may not return to work for another two weeks, and I have been so stressed out about finding a job that would allow me to work from home so I can continue to homeschool my kids, my children don’t get along unless they’re getting into trouble, and it is difficult to continue through the day with little or no sleep. But the Lord has spoken to me today!!! Every single word you typed was relevant to me and the Lord comforted me through every sentence. “So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall propser in the thing for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:11) Indeed it did!

    Thank you so much for being an instrument of love for the Lord God Almighty!

    • Lindsay September 21, 2012 at 12:21 pm #

      Praise God! Praying for you sister!

      • Susan September 21, 2012 at 2:40 pm #

        Thank you, Lindsay!!!

  29. Lauren September 20, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    Thank you so much for posting this, for sharing so much from God’s word and for pointing our weary hearts to him. I sure needed this today.

    • Judy September 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm #

      Thank you so much for this post. Although I am not in the same season as you nevertheless I struggle with other issues as well as sleep problems. I so needed to hear these things and was so very blessed and encouraged. thank you for pointing me back to my Blessed Redeemer and to rest in Him no matter what the corcumstances may be. Keep on keeping on dear one you are being used in a mighty way in many lives.

  30. Carrie September 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

    I know you said you have tried everything, so had I until trazzadone was reccommended to me. I have had insomnia since age 4. At age 23 I took this and had my first undisturbed night’s sleep. It is something I take for a week, it resets my pattern and I do not need it again for months. I am not big on meds but I could not doit anymore!

  31. Victoria M. September 20, 2012 at 10:47 am #

    Thank you so very much! I needed these words today! :)

  32. Allegra September 20, 2012 at 8:57 am #

    Unfortunately there are tons of reasons why we cannot sleep. Ranging from vitamin deficiency to toxins in our food to all the EMF we have in our environment right now because of modern tech (i.e. radio, tv, cell phones, WiFi). EMF does affect the brain.

    There are a lot of environmental toxins, and even lifestyles we choose to participate in that lead to health issues- so health issues are not always a spiritual thing.

    One thing that I didn’t see mentioned here was exercise. If I get up at 6:15 am (before the baby!) and throw on my jogging clothes and run (and you only need 20 min) I sleep like a baby. When I don’t exercise, I cannot sleep. Also I agree with the magnesium… most of us are deficient.

    Regardless of the reason though, our number one source of COMFORT is Jesus Christ and His word.

    Thank you Lindsay. You are an inspiration. Thank you for being so real and sharing your heart with us. I am praying for you sister. And I am praying for all of the people who struggle with this. It is actually very common, especially among women.

    Regardless of how much sleep we get, if we are not at peace, something is wrong- sometimes it is purely spiritual, sometimes not. Keep praying and asking the Lord to show you if there is anything you can do, or if it is a season of waiting on the Lord.

    “If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet” prov 3:24

  33. Laura Ferreira September 20, 2012 at 8:05 am #

    Thanks for giving my photo credit. I loved your blog. Sorry about your sleeping issues. Having two children who deal with insomnia, I can sure relate to the problems it creates. Many helpful hints from your subscribers, so I won’t put anymore of that down, as I would just be repeating what many of them say. I will say this, I am honored to have my photo on such an uplifting and real blog. Thanks for being transparent for Jesus. You will be in my prayers. God bless you richly, indeed!

    Laura

  34. Kathy September 20, 2012 at 5:22 am #

    Lindsay,
    I can empathize with you. There is one Bible verse my husband made our whole family memorize and pray each night, it is PSALM 4:8 “I WILL LIE DOWN AND SLEEP IN PEACE, FOR YOU ALONE O’LORD, MAKES ME TO LIE DOWN IN SAFETY.”

    Believe it or not, when I don’t pray that at night, with a busy, hectic, schedule creep in and just fall into bed. . .I don’t sleep well. Praying Psalm 4:8 has helped me to settle down to sleep.

    Praying for you!
    Kathy

  35. Mary September 20, 2012 at 4:02 am #

    Love your thoughts on the character of God – here’s another one – the God of peace. This verse helped me a lot with a similar period in my life:
    “I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

  36. Jess h September 20, 2012 at 3:47 am #

    Lindsay, I struggle with a different but similar health issue in this sweet stage of mothering little ones….it is a daily struggle to fight self pity and walk by faith in the sovereign love of my Heavenly Father and the Hope of the cross of Christ. One of my favorite quotes I pray blesses you too: “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.” – C. H. Spurgeon
    big hugs!! :)

  37. Helen September 20, 2012 at 1:20 am #

    I have only had very short times of insomonia when going through short periods of worry, stress and depression. I found reading, listening and memorizing the bible often helped me to drop of to sleep. You probably have tried that, but I thought it might be worth mentioning. My Mother-in-law lives on about 3-4 hours sleeps, if that, every night. She often reads until she drops off. Thanks for your encouragement. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 In our weakness He is made strong. Therfore I rejoice in infirmities.

  38. kimberly September 19, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

    hi, i can not believe the ending to your story. I was driving this morning to my dr.appt with my 6 year old in the car and we heard pastor chuck smith say those very words on the radio and now i sat down and went to your website ( i recently found you ;) ) there were the very words i daid to my daughter in ther car. look inside be depressed, look outside be distressed loo to jesus be at rest. I told chloe (my daughter) that we would try to remember those words daily togehter as mommy and daughter. I am in awww of GOD right now because those words are reaching to soo many women. I love your website and please keep up your great work. i admire yourwebsite because you are an inspiration to me. I am a stay at home mom and i home school my little girl. Your words of encouragement were uplifting to me tonight, thank you

  39. Misti September 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm #

    Thank you so much for this post. I really needed this!

  40. Lee September 19, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

    You are not alone! And now I know I am not the only one to cry such desperate tears. I hope others keep posting ideas for us to try, beyond the common ones. I ended up going on 5 mg Ambien. I does work, but definitely a last resort. If I don’t take it I get nightmares, but at least for now, I sleep! I am finding I have several food allergies which I think may be part of the problem. We have had some success in our family with Bach Flower Remedies White Chestnut and others(there is a questionnaire) and Hyland Nerve Tonic. Thank you for sharing! I am so sorry you have to deal with this too, and I pray healing for you and all those who are suffering.

  41. Alana September 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm #

    Thanks for these words…after the day I have had (SAHM with 1 and 3 year old) they were perfect.

  42. Lanai September 19, 2012 at 5:51 pm #

    ’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
    Just to take Him at His Word;
    Just to rest upon His promise,
    And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
    Refrain:
    Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
    How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
    Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
    Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
    Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
    Just to trust His cleansing blood;
    And in simple faith to plunge me
    ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
    Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
    Just from sin and self to cease;
    Just from Jesus simply taking
    Life and rest, and joy and peace.
    I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
    Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
    And I know that Thou art with me,
    Wilt be with me to the end.

    This song came to mind as soon as I finished reading this post. I can relate to the heart behind this post. My husband and I rent and we found out yesterday that we have to find a new home soon due to extenuating circumstances on our land lords end of the deal… Initially it feels unfair to uproot my home due to your problems…(I’m just being real) but I KNOW God has a divine purpose for this in our lives. He IS faithful, He WILL provide, He has a purpose for transplanting us somewhere else.
    My heart goes out to you in your battles with Insomnia, but I give God the glory for the grace He bestows on His people to handle the circumstances we live in and with. I am thankful you are not portraying bitterness, even though I know it’s probably been a struggle I can only imagine. Praying for you my sweet sister. You have been such a blessing for my life as a new mother, wife, and sister in Christ. When one of us hurts, the whole body suffers. Prayers are petitioning the throne of God on your behalf.

  43. Karen September 19, 2012 at 5:44 pm #

    I have been there. We are struggling with what to with our 8 yr old who just wants to stay home and play. He seemingly has no interests other than nature and playing. I haven’t had many great nights of sleep for the past, almost 32 years now – and I am only 36! I recently started to pray for just about everything I can think of and always try to thank God for all the blessings he has given to me. Especially thankful for all the things that are taken for granted of! I ask God to send his angels down to surround my house to protect everyone in it from all things that can harm my family and to grant us the peace and comfort of deep, soul-refreshing sleep, knowing that we are safe and wrapped in His arms. For the past 5 nights I have been praying for this and I have had the best sleep in my life! In the morning I say a pray to thank God for his protection and the sleep I so desperately needed. I have been saying out loud, “This is the day the Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it! This morning I am thankful for…” My days and nights are so much better when I remember to do this. List out loud all the things you are thankful for, so the devil can hear it. The more thankful you are, the madder the devil gets. The madder he gets the more he will leave you alone realizing it is not worth it to mess with you!
    Hope this…long recital helps you or others who may need it. Sorry it is long. Once I get going…ya know?

  44. jen September 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm #

    Lindsay, I have been there, I am there. I’ve got a husband who’s business is beyond struggling. A son with a mean and bossy streak, and I am always the keep it together person. I value your post so much, I too reach to the Lord when I am in need and remember always that “If God is with us, who can be against us?” That is what keeps me going. My husband just recently sent me this, when I was feeling low. It helped…
    Joshua 6:1-5

    Joshua needed guidance as he faced one of the most crucial moments of his life. Because the Lord had promised him success in conquering Jericho, he knew the outcome of the battle, but as the day of combat approached, he needed a specific strategy for victory. What he heard the Lord say must have made his jaw drop.

    Can you imagine the soldiers’ thoughts as they carried out this bizarre battle strategy? In confusing times like this, it’s good to remember three requirements for benefiting from God’s instructions. We need:

    • Faith to believe the Lord
    • Courage to obey Him
    • Patience to wait for His timing.

    When God gives us clear instruction through His Word or His Spirit within us, our response shows how much we trust Him. If we truly believe Him and His promises, precise and complete obedience will follow. His victory in any area of struggle is available only to those who act upon His directions.

    Submitting to the Lord’s timing is also an essential part of obedience. What would have happened if the army decided to bypass God’s plans for the first six days and skip straight to the seventh day’s march around Jericho? They would have missed the victory.

    How often do we beg the Lord for guidance, yet hesitate to obey when He finally gives it? Living by faith can seem like a huge risk when His instructions make no sense or require a lengthy wait. But knowing His eternal perspective and unlimited power can strengthen our resolve to obey.

    All the best, your sister in Christ,
    Jen

  45. Nicole September 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm #

    Thank you so much for taking the time to write and post this!

  46. April September 19, 2012 at 3:57 pm #

    This was so beautifully written! Keep letting Jesus use you during these difficult times to speak to the hearts of many.

  47. Sarah Isaac September 19, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

    Beautiful! Thank you! I pray that God delivers you from your suffering soon and that in the mean time He gives you the grace to continue to hope in Him. This was such an encouragement to me as I am dealing with ongoing health problems.

  48. Jaymie September 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    When I was 22 and about to be married, I suddenly became I’ll. The symptoms lingered and left me with weak immune system and fatigue to no end. The other problem was I couldn’t sleep! I learned the vast divide between being tired and being sleepy. Doctor’s could only guess as to the diagnosis, so I was given a vague Chronic Fatigue syndrome name — something they told me may last a lifetime. It changed my life. I had been a very energetic person, and now smiling took all the effort in the world. God used it to build my faith and change my course in life. I gave up my acceptance to medical school. I knew that if I had a lifetime of limited energy, I wouldn’t be able to be a mom and work full time. I read A LOT! :) … Often until 3am because I couldn’t sleep. My struggle lasted 4 years. It seemed forever at the time, but I so learned to be thankful for so much! God used it to create a grateful spirit for little things I always took for granted — the ability to sleep, the ability to smile, the ability to have energy in the mundane activities of life. It helped me prioritize the truly important things. When you only have so much energy, you have to focus a few things each day. God closed the door to my career. That was humbling. I wanted the status and income it would afford me. I know now I am much happier being a pastor’s wife and full-time mom than I would have ever been in that high stress lifestyle. God knew me better than I knew myself. Look at this opportunity to seize every lesson your loving Father has for you in this journey — I know you, too, are learning to cling to Him, learning all the things we take for granted when sleep is not forthcoming and the grace others extend when you are not “yourself” from fatigue. And, my friend, I know I tried everything. Everyone had some different cure to try — from medicine, magnets to supplements. Don’t be discouraged — this too shall pass. There is a season for everything, and I am praying that this season for you will soon be over. The bright side….you will never make it through the list of classics or through the Bible ever so fast as reading when everyone else is sleeping. You will have the equivalent of a phD after all is said and done;). Thank you for your encouraging words!

  49. Sharon September 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm #

    Or here is an idea for you. Avoid gluten. Has done wonders for our family, plus it is being shown just how bad gluten is for everyone, and how it causes sooooo many problems. Our bodies just can’t digest it any more. It seems like you like reading : ) so here is a good book for you on it Wheat Belly. Just a thought for you!

    • Cindy Wilson September 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

      Wheat Belly is a GREAT book. Definitely worth reading. Being off of Gluten and all grains has helped me immensely!

  50. Nikki September 19, 2012 at 2:04 pm #

    Thank you for this post! Insomnia stinks- I feel for you!

    You are in my prayers, and thank you for the encouragement. God is good, regardless of our situation. I need that reminder sometimes.

  51. Laura Anderson September 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

    Thank you for this–I really needed it. I’ve been very exhausted and now I’m sick…with a nearly seven-month-old. I need to call on God more to help me. Thank you again.

  52. Vanessa September 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

    Thank you for sharing these beautiful and helpful words.

  53. Jessie September 19, 2012 at 11:17 am #

    I have struggled off & on w/sleep issues & really appreciate what you have shared. Thank you!

    Andree Seu Peterson who writes for World Magazine has had many sleep problems (insomnia for years which she talked about at the time in her columns). She spoke at Bethlehem Baptist Church (John Piper’s church) for a women’s conference. Here is a link to her first talk. She gets off to a slow start – but you will understand why when you listen – she had a terrible night’s sleep & she tells the way God met her in it. http://www.hopeingod.org/seminar-talk/%E2%80%98you-are-mine%E2%80%99-do-you-believe-it-womens-spring-conference-session-one

    You may find this encouraging.

  54. Regina Murphy September 19, 2012 at 10:36 am #

    Thank you for this post. It brought very refreshing tears to my eyes. I have been hearing the lies of the enemy so loudly lately as I have dealt with my husband’s 2 jobs not being able to pay our bills as we struggle with a 4 year old, 2 year old, 1 year old and one due in December. It has been so trying to, month after month, be short and feel the horrible, draining pull of debt. We pray, tithe, work hard, try to still be generous with the small amount we do have, and spend as little money as possible. But every month, there is still food to buy, gas, utilities, mortgage – and barely scraping by often feels like a punishment. Remembering the truth of who God really is can be hard at these times, but reminders like yours are very helpful. We often think we could handle trials, but when they go on and on with no end in sight, you begin to really question God’s love and authority. But, this is also the time when non-believers really begin to see our faith as real, lasting and deep. I often think of the thorn in Paul’s side, that God refused to remove. Paul did not know why he had to endure that pain for so long, but God had a purpose and plan in it. Thanks so much for encouraging me today, when I really needed it. :)

  55. Natalie September 19, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    This is really encouraging. Thank you, Lindsay!

  56. Serena September 19, 2012 at 9:53 am #

    Have you had your thyroid checked? I had a really bad bout of insomnia that lasted years, also, and my thyroid was out of whack. I don’t know if that’s what caused it, but I’m sure it can’t have helped. My symptoms didn’t fit low thyroid across the board, so it took a while to figure it out. But, yeah, I can so very much relate to everything in this post.

  57. Lindsay Rapp September 19, 2012 at 9:46 am #

    Have you tried earthing sheets for insomnia? Just google “earthing”.

    • Lindsay September 26, 2012 at 6:13 am #

      I just ordered some as several readers mentioned them. I’m curious for sure. Thanks!

  58. Cindy Wilson September 19, 2012 at 9:31 am #

    You write so well. It is refreshing to hear your story. Have you ever read Daydreams by Daniel Parkins? An excellent true story how he glorifies God in his sufferings. Check it out. It is so encouraging!

  59. Holly September 19, 2012 at 9:26 am #

    Hi Lindsay,

    Thank you for sharing this! God is using it to encourage many people and glorifying himself through your struggle and your trust in him. I am praying for your healing! I hate to suggest one more thing for people to try when they have insomnia, but if it might help you or one of your readers like it did me, then I just can’t withhold it. I struggled with insomnia for a couple of years and I know how difficult it is. I am so grateful to God that he showed me something to help me (not that it will help everyone). Many had suggested CALM, a calcium magnesium drink, which made everything worse. Through some research I was led to Nature’s Life Magnesium plus B-6 (500mg mag, 5mg B6). When I take one at bedtime I am asleep in 30 minutes now. I also take at least 5000iu of Vit D a day. It turned out I had a problem with too much calcium, well processing calcium, because I was deficient in Magnesium and Vitamin d (which are necessary for our bodies to process calcium, not that I am any type of expert, I just read online and some books). Anyway, too much calcium can cause insomnia, and I sure ate enough dairy and greens to get a whole lot of it! I didn’t have a racing mind, my mind wanted to sleep, but I had this physical feeling of anxiety. I described it to my husband as “restless body syndrome.” Just a term I made up. Oh, and B6 is supposed to calm muscles and nerves. I praise God for curing me and pray that the Lord uses this to help someone else who is reading and struggling with insomnia!!!

    • Holly September 22, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

      I can’t believe I didn’t mention this, but I saw someone elses comment above about not eating gluten and it made me think of it… recently I discovered that I can’t eat gluten. (Haven’t been tested for Celiac yet). The Celiac.com website says that vitamin D deficiency and magnesium deficiency are common in people with gluten problems. It’s all new to me. I am just learning about it all. But it is probably why I was deficient.

  60. Jess H September 19, 2012 at 9:12 am #

    Thank you!

  61. Wanderdust September 19, 2012 at 8:40 am #

    I find it helpful when I am not sleeping to get up and stay out of bed, not to do something to help me sleep. Just acknowledge that I won’t be sleeping for awhile. Get up, sit in dim lit living room to pray, read my Bible, read a novel. At least I am not wasting time, gradually my body realizes it is tired, so I go back up to bed and go back to sleep. Trying to sleep doesn’t work for me. Doing something else other than sleep does. I would encourage you to try this. Just don’t go onto a bright lit computer screen to do some work as that light could wake you up too much. But a table lamp, some prayers or scriptures are rest for the weary. Cling to God’s promise– the righteous will lie down and sleep. (Also, I believe if this is a spiritual attack, the devil doesn’t like it when we pray, so especially if you start praying quietly aloud or worshipping God in song, you will find yourself getting tired very fast. ). May God bless you with all the rest and spiritual strength you need.

  62. Melanie September 19, 2012 at 7:57 am #

    Maybe you have sleep apnea? Have you considered a sleep study? My sister thought she had insomnia, but turns out it was sleep apnea.

    My mother takes temazepam (brand name Restirol) for sleep. She said it works better than Ambien.

  63. Allie September 19, 2012 at 7:43 am #

    How encouraging what God spoke to you. Wow! I am blessed by this post! Thanks :)

  64. Organic Matters September 19, 2012 at 6:56 am #

    Oh, dear sister, how this post resonates with my own weary heart! I know the pain, fear, and exhaustion of insomnia all too well. Thank you for your words of encouragement to look for Christ and to keep hanging on, despite how difficult each day is. May God give you REST!

  65. Angie September 19, 2012 at 6:38 am #

    I’m so sorry you are dealing with this struggle, Lindsay. Walking through life on empty is so hard. I have been so blessed by your words of wisdom and continue to glean great insight and truth from your posts. I have three small children almost exactly the same ages as yours. My oldest (daughter) is 4, middle (son) is just 3 and my baby (son) just turned 1. I have found comfort in walking this stage of life “with” you through your blog… and have found the most comfort in your posts about your suffering because this has been the hardest time of my life, so far. I suffered from just a short bout of insomnia this past winter when my youngest was still up every few hours for feedings and the older ones were waking (separately) once or twice a night with nightmares, too. I found myself to be so exhausted that I couldn’t MAKE myslef sleep. But as the baby went longer at night and the older ones started sleeping better I found that slowly the insomnia subsided.

    It sounds like you’ve tried every remedy. The only thing, beyond your steadfast faith, that I can suggest is that you get some sleep during the day if possible. I like the idea of hiring someone for several hours a day or a couple of days a week to let yourself rest. I found the same was true in babies. Sleep begets sleep. I know you are thinking that if you had a few hours in the day that you would need to accomplish some tasks, but if you get your body back from it’s amped up state and your insomnia was cured yours days would start to be more productive naturally.

    I will pray that you are healed of this insomnia… and soon. I know all too well how hard it is to handle life with three littles on no sleep. I’m sorry and even though I don’t know you, I love you like a sister. A sister in Christ.

    Take care of yourself,
    Angie

  66. emily September 19, 2012 at 6:30 am #

    thank you, those scriptures gave me peace and comfort.

  67. Rita September 19, 2012 at 6:24 am #

    This may help some or maybe not at all. But I have trouble sleeping sometimes. I think it really matters what goes on during the day. So I do my best to control the day as much as possible. Do what is needed but not much else. I started following the plain ways. A book I can recommend because I have read it is “almost amish” by Nancy Sleeth. I found life when raising my children over whelming. I had no family help and when I really needed help I would hire a retired lady for minimum wage from my church. I had two little ones. I did grocery shopping and the drug store on Thursdays and I hired her help on those days. Just 2 hours most of the time. If we stay with life being as plain as we can make it life isn’t so over bearing. I have a sensitive nervous system and an auto immune problem. My children were allowed piano my son decided on trumpet lessons instead and one other activity beside church activities. My children didn’t enjoy participating in sports so it was usually Girl Scouts or 4H. Sometimes softball. And we all enjoyed going to the games very much and even the practices. I fixed simple meals as often as possible and sometimes pot roast on the weekends with cake for dessert. Even picking up deli sliced ham or turkey is better and cost less than eating out. Just think “next to nothing” and you’ll get there. We allowed our family 1 dog. I just want to explain how thinking small, keeping rooms empty with things packed away makes life easier. I hope this is of some help to you.

  68. Katie September 19, 2012 at 6:17 am #

    Lindsay,

    Have you tried 5HTP? You know most start with melatonin and others…
    I personally suffer from OCD and take Rhodiola and 5HTP as it works to balance my serotonin imbalance so that I can function more efficiently (and not go crazy). There is a good long story about the science of chemical imbalances in the brain and anxiety disorders, but I digress.
    The body converts 5HTP into tryptophan which converts into serotonin and is your natural calming response to stressful situations. It is also what is responsible for deep sleep.

    This past year after much research and self observation, I’d noticed that it would take me AT LEAST an hour for my brain to shut off and my thought processes (worries and etc) to let me go to sleep. So after I’d started taking 5HTP (and a high dose at that). I could fall asleep within minutes! Even now when I lay on the couch, nap times are NAP times and I can achieve a 30 minute nap and feel RESTED!

    You should give it a try. They are both natural and available. I get mine (NOW brand) from Healthline Nutrition in Vancouver. I know you are in Portland now… I’ve seen several threads and study articles about the benefits of people with anxiety disorders taking them. There are side effect warnings in choice places, but honestly it’s one in the same with the blue-guy who drank gallons of collodal silver and now people were up in arms about taking a tablespoon a day.

    Studies have shown to benefit obese women with upwards of 900mg a day. Spread out + one Rhodiola. I’d started with one 200mg cap and felt amazing the first day– but obviously that was a knee-jerk body-response and not my dose as I’d found in the following days. I’d taken the 900mgs the days following and that JUST because my OCD was severe. (Which I probably should have “built” up) And it’d worked. Now, I just back off enough to keep myself under control. Control in my mind really. It’s still a spiritual battle with my anxiety and my problem stems from NOT being in control so I want to control my surroundings. My house. My children. Our financial situation. There leaves little room for God’s sovereignty if my peace comes from something(s) that I DO!

    But I honestly think I have an imbalance. My symptoms have shown that and my siblings and father have had the same problems. (Although they choose to take the drug route with Prozac or Fluoxitine. Common SSRIs.)

    Sorry so long. I hope you’ll give it a try. I’d be interested to see if it’ll help you. (Make sure to take one about 30mins before bed. And I think it’s better absorbed with carbs as the insulin blocks anything that may inhibit it from getting to the brain.)

    In Christ,

    Katie

  69. Lindsay Grip September 19, 2012 at 6:10 am #

    This post was a blessing…thank you.

  70. Dev September 19, 2012 at 6:09 am #

    Thanks for those Bible texts. Just know that even in your suffering you are still a blessing to others.

  71. Rebekah September 19, 2012 at 5:35 am #

    Thank you!

  72. Melissa September 19, 2012 at 5:18 am #

    So sorry to hear of your struggles with sleep. But thank you for your encouraging words of God’s truth. Great reminders to me this morning.

    I struggled with hormonal imbalances a few years ago, and insomnia was an ugly symptom. Cortisol (the stress hormone, when secreted gives us that “fight or flight” feeling) normally peaks while we are sleeping. When the adrenal gland is not functioning normally (due to many factors… like stress, hormone fluctuations elsewhere in the body, etc) it can overproduce cortisol OR underproduce it. When in the throes of OVER-producing I could not sleep, even with the supplements and diet changes prescribed to me for this issue. Even so, the things that seemed to help most were magnesium, 5-HTP, melatonin (taken 30 min. before bed), and Seriphos (a wonderful supplement that calms down the excited cortisol response). Some nights I had to take a Seriphos every hour until I finally fell asleep, but it did work to take edge off during those really awful nights. It also was more beneficial if I took it throughout the day as well, so my body was prepared to sleep later that night. It calmed my whole system down, to provide the adrenals the rest to heal.

    Three years is a long time to deal with such torture and unrest. My heart hurts for you, as I know some of what you are dealing with.

    Prayers for strength and healing for you…

  73. Trisha September 19, 2012 at 5:12 am #

    Thank you Lindsay for posting this. I have the same struggles at night. This has seemed to go on forever. I just get an overwelming fear and worry at night when it is quiet and my mind doesn’t seem to stop. I have to focus on the Lord otherwise fear will grip me. I think we all feel we are alone in our struggles and no one else goes through things. They do! I do!!

    Blessings,

    Trish