Welcome back for part 4 in our panel discussion on being workers at home. Make sure to read part 1, part 2 & part 3, if you haven’t already.
4. Do you have any encouragement or advice for stay at home moms who have husbands that have lost their jobs? What are your thoughts on how we can still serve as mothers and wives in a Christ honoring way in this position?
Michele: Dear sister, I want to encourage you! God’s provision is abundant. Do not waver from the tasks He has set before you. Focus only on what He has given you to do, and notice all that He has blessed you with. Don’t compare yourself to others, or to what they have received. God is faithful, and He will be with you during this challenging season.
If I try to “do my husband’s job for him,” by providing for our family, I am robbing him of the blessings he would receive in fulfilling his role as the head of our family. As I fervently seek to learn how to do my roles as wife and mother, he too, is learning how to be a husband and father. God is faithful to provide wisdom, when we seek after His will.
Instead of rushing to “fill a need,” by applying for jobs myself during my husband’s unemployment, I sought to pray fervently for my husband, and to increase my efforts at home. I didn’t try to “swap roles” with him.
By learning more frugal techniques (such as homemade detergents, eliminating waste, etc), I was able to stretch our small budget. By planting some vegetables on our apartment balcony, we had plenty of fresh salads to eat. I took walks to do many errands (or eliminated the errands entirely).
For clothing, we have often been blessed to receive hand-me-downs from friends, along with essentials from thrift stores. Also, learning how to mend is an essential skill, to save on buying new items! I tend to buy most children’s clothing/nursery basics in neutral colors (such as sheets, shirts, overalls, socks, pajamas, and snow gear), in case our next baby is a boy. (Our daughter always seems to end up with plenty of pink things and dresses through hand-me-downs, anyway, so I try to make wise investments.)
Meanwhile, my husband was encouraged by remembering the example his own father had shown him, that no honest job was “below him.” (And now, his dad has recently seen success in his home business!) Supporting a family involves hard work! My husband contacted staffing agencies, continually applied for jobs online, and even looked for odd jobs on Craigslist.
At this point, we are still praying for a full-time job for him. (He is currently employed as “on-call,” so that usually means 1-3 days of work a week.) However, God has been faithful to provide for all our needs! We choose to simply rest in Him, resting in the peace that He offers. He reminds us not to worry (Matt. 6:25-34).
Scarlett: PRAY! I have heard amazing stories from friends of how God has provided for them in this situation where their husband has lost his job. I think it is extremely important that you are positive and don’t put him down at all! Encourage him, be his greatest advocate of support! Build him up! Love your man! Tell him he can do it! Don’t nag, but PRAY!! Be a helpmeet and look for opportunities for a job for him. Be open for change too. Be more flexible. And most of all, PRAY!!
Marliss: I would say not to fret. To continue to act as if everything is fine and will be fine, because it will. As best you can, cast all your cares on Jesus and not on your husband.
Michelle F: A husband being laid off has no effect on how you are called to serve him and honor Christ. You are responsible for yourself and not him. You do what you are called to do. Your husband now needs more support, encouragement, your confidence in him to provide than ever. Be very careful not to let pride creep in to your life that leads you to believe you can do something better or that you have to. Just because your husband has lost his job is not necessarily a time for action on your part, as we never want to strip a man of his manhood and his God given sense of being a provider.
The best way to serve in a Christ honoring way is to first love and trust Christ, then encourage, respect, and love your husband. We walk by faith and not by sight. “Build your home” by telling your husband how much you believe in him and in God for your provision. Let him see you reading the Word and reciting Scripture. Never slander him or let him see you going through the classifieds for jobs, or speaking of your needs with your girlfriends, or setting up your own plans to rescue him. Another point to be made is we can and should honor Christ by being patient! God will never leave you nor forsake you (Heb. 13:5), if you are a believer in Him and He will provide for your needs (food, clothes, and shelther as promised in Matt. 6:25-34).
The wife must evaluate what she considers a need versus a want. We certainly do not hold our husbands to a higher living standard during famine times.
Stay tuned for part 5…
What do you do if you are forced to work in a job you dont like in order to pay for debt that was accrued by your husband in college? Im talking about a LOT of debt (6 figures). I struggle with wanting and desiring to be home fulltime and being forced to work in a job I hate just to pay very high debt payments. I find it hard to get things done at home because Im just so tired from working. :/ Any advice?
My concern here with this message is that the readers will think it is OK to rely on public assistance to provide for their families instead of going out and getting a job if their husband cannot find work or if his income does not cover all their bills.
We as Christians have to remember that WE (parents) need to financial provide for our children and not let our fellow tax-paying neighbors pay our bills through ways of state medical, WIC, section 8 housing, food stamps, etc.
Too often I see family/friends/church members in my community being stay-at-home-moms, yet rely on welfare services to supplement their husband’s income. Wrong, so wrong!
If women can stay home and their husband can provide without relying causing the family to take advantage of welfare, then sure – go for it! If not, then the mother needs to work too to provide for her children and not expect others (tax-payers) to put food on the table and pay the doctor bills.
I am late to add to this post, but wanted to say how encouraged I am by this series. Just after the birth of our 2nd child my husband lost his job. We trusted the Lord to show us what was next. It has always been clear to me that no matter what my views on women are, it just makes SENSE on many levels to be home with kids when they’re little. It is expensive to hire a nanny or pay for daycare. So I didn’t feel the need to look for work, but rather pray and brainstorm with my husband and look for opportunities. The Lord made it clear what was next, and we launched a home business. Now, three months into it our “cushion” is gone, and sales are slow. We are in debt, bills are late and there is no more grocery money. This past week I have been squirming on the inside, trying to remain positive and supportive for my husband, but experiencing stress in my body and lashing out at my kids. I realized something wasn’t right in my heart. So I spent time Sunday leaning close to God’s heart, crying, worshiping, reading the Word, sharing honestly with my husband, and finally- reading this post series. All this to say, God is faithful to strengthen our hearts and restore us to the truth. Monday morning, there’s still no more cash than yesterday, but I have PEACE and JOY! That means I can move forward in a productive way, serving my family and praying with my husband in faith. We’ll be fine, because God always comes through! (Now, Lord, help me to learn the lessons you have for me in this circumstance and may I grow deeper roots in your truth!)
Thank, Lindsay, for your efforts in this.
I am in this position right now as my husband was laid off over three months ago and the Lord currently has not provided any other opportunities or interviews with new companies. It is a scary time and we recognize that for the Lord it is not a hard thing for Him to provide for us. We want to, by His grace, demonstrate faith during a time when what we need is not evident to us. However, I have very specific skills that are very employable right now. Without any effort on my part, the Lord provided a part time job that I accepted. Ultimately, we had hoped the Lord would provide through my husband and not me. However, we look at this as His provision for now. My heart attitude needs to remain submissive and encouraging so as not to cause my husband to feel badly about this circumstance. It may even come to the point where I have to add more hours if my husband’s situation does not change. I really do believe it’s a lot about the heart attitude we have as we do these things. Also, praying that God would make clear His purpose as He opens up opportunities or closes doors.
My dh has been unemployed twice due to plant closures in the semiconductor industry. Prayer is vital!! We as help-meets MUST pray & encourage our husbands – it is hard for a man to lose his job & the means by which he provides for his family. The first time he lost his job, I struggled with worry, but God reminded me that HE is our provider! God has been good to always provide “enough” for our family during the good times & the bad.
This was such a lovely post. Thanks for the reminder!
I really felt convicted while reading this post. It is very timely for us…and many others I’m sure. While I am extremely thankful that my husband still has a job, he has taken a drastic cut in pay and our insurance costs have doubled. I KNOW that the Lord will sustain us during this time, but I have looked for work despite the fact that we both really wanted me to be at home with our 14 month old daughter. I had to apologize to my husband and humble myself to his authority in our home today. This will definitely be an attitude I’ll have to keep in check. Thank you for the words of wisdom and encouragement!
I work out side the home 2′xs a week to help make ends meet. I don’t believe that I am missing out or that it is conflicting with my husbands role in our home. Actually it helps open up other opportunity for Grandma and Adam to spend time with Azlyn while mommy is gone. They get a whole different child. Also it is my opinion, that if even you are working at home, your time has to still be somewhat divided between work and family, chores etc. Even if you work while your little one(s) are sleeping I would think that you are still being taken away from daily chores etc. So whether it is home or away, are you still 100% only involved in daily homaking? And if you are bringing in an income either at home or outside the home, dont you think this would still be financially providing for your family, and therefore stepping into your husbands role?
Don’t forget that the Proverbs 31 woman home-keeping included running a business and adding to the household’s income. This of course was in balance with caring for the rest of home making, mother & wife duties.
Wow is this timely as we went through this situation last year. For seven months we had very little income due to dh’s company closure. It was VERY hard not to worry and “freak out.” But I really prayed and worked at it, and my husband said he could tell I stayed close to the Word during this time. He and I played with the kids, took walks, read, talked and got much closer during this time. We really had to look for ways to keep from spending money without letting the kids feel the pinch too much.
I loved that Michelle F. said, “we never want to strip a man of his manhood and his God given sense of being a provider.” That applies to so many areas of our lives together! I am so glad to have that reminder.
I cannot agree with this view completely. Biblical womanhood or manhood is something that is built by an inner attitude, how your heart is formed. I do not think that it could be destroyed if a wife takes a job while her husband is out of work. That does not mean that she should also adopt the role of a leader at home.
Rejecting the idea of a working woman in all circumstances and in every situation in a categorial way seems to be too sharp for me. At the same time I think it has the implication that many women who work hard for their families outside the home are less godly (or perhaps sinful?) than those who work hard in the home. I don´t think that this judgement is a just one.
I do not believe any one is saying that it is sinful to work outside the home or that you are any less godly to do so. If you have read through the previous posts in this series, you will see that to be so. It is a matter of establishing priorities. A woman has a priority to her home as we have seen in Titus 2:4-5. The encouragement here is to first pray, trust the Lord, and believe in your man during tough financial times. Sometimes these situations are exactly what they need to challenge them further to be the man of the household. It is easy for a woman to desire to step in and take over and this can really tear down a man’s pride in being the provider, as Michelle F. shared. When times get tough, men’s natural instinct to provide really kicks in all the more. I have really witnessed this in my husband over this past year and a challenging period in his self-employment, and can testify it to be true. When I get behind him, support and believe in him, he really blossoms. We honor the Word of God in being submissive wives by believing in our husbands and trusting the Lord. If the husband asks you to work, then that is a different situation. Ideally, as we have shared, she should first look to opportunities within her own home through which she could earn an income, so as not to forsake her responsibility to guard and keep her home. If they are not on the same page in regards to working outside the home, I would encourage the wife ever more to pray for her husband, to continue in faith, seeking to be frugal, etc. and graciously appeal to him to consider homeward work opportunities, especially if there are children in the picture.
I didn´t want to accuse anyone of looking down on working women. I am rather new to the concept of biblical womanhood and my questions and thoughts are maybe spontaneous and naive.
I have asked myself why there is such a great difference for a woman if she works because her husband wants her to work or because she is working and he is okay with that. I guess that you answer it is also a question of priorities. But if there is a godly design of women (and men) then there is a plan for them (to be home keepers). This plan for women that God has made seems to be independent of what a special husband wants his wife to be? The wife who works because his husbands wants her to do so is an obedient wife. But some commands and orders can be wrong and against the plan God made for us?
How important is it in your view to have the ability to distinguish between right and wrong when it comes to obedience?
I hope you do not think that these are rhethoric questions. I have come to Christian faith just a few monthes ago and I have to learn many things and there are many questions I have on my heart.
Although I am a stay at home mom, I completely agree with what you’re saying Esther.
I agree with Titus, but I think that in Proverbs 31 it’s clear that the woman in the chapter DID work outside the home during certain phases of her life (that is if you read it thinking that the accomplishments listed were done over a lifetime rather than daily). I think that some women are gifted homemakers, while others have gifts in other areas. Assuming those gifts are God given, would it be right for those women to stay at home rather than use them? I don’t think so. Some may argue that those gifts could be used at home, and I’m sure they could. But if you’re a female biochemist, it seems crazy to cast that learning, experience, and desire aside in order to stay at home doing daily chores that someone could be hired to do.
Anyway…
As I said, I’m a homemaker. Obviously I believe in my choice to be home with my children. I believe this is where God wants ME. But I don’t necessarily agree that this lifestyle I live is appropriate for every woman in today’s society. And I certainly don’t think women who choose to work are any less godly then those who choose to stay home. (Or the reverse, that those who stay home are MORE godly than those who do not.)
I believe it really comes down to the season of life that you are in. If there are children in the picture, than a mother’s primary focus should be homeward. What is best for my children? I must ask. The Proverbs 31 women definitely appeared to be doing various business ventures, but never at the sacrifice of her husband or children. The chapter begins saying she does her husband good and not evil, she makes sure all the household needs are supplied. You don’t hear any mention of her business endeavor until her household is well taken care of. To neglect her home, and or the service of her husband and children, is definitely not Biblical, as seen in Titus 2:4-5, resulting in dishonoring the word of God.
If you have children, your primary mission field is to train and disciple your children. We can miss out on precious moments of nurturing their souls if we are overly focused on income earning. God has given every women gifts but during this season of child-raising, I believe these skills should be directed homeward. There are other seasons that they can be directed more outside the home. Her gifts will not be hindered in any way…there are plenty of opportunities to put them to good use in keeping her home!
We have been emphasizing here again and again that it is all about evaluating your heart motives. What is your priority in this season of life? Is this pursuit going to hinder or assist my role as a home maker? These questions should be prayerfully evaluated together with your husband.
Overall, I don’t think whether she works outside or inside the home is really the issue, it is evaluating where her heart is oriented. Biblically, we are called to be homeward oriented.
What about women who are called and asked by their husbands to go to work outside the home? Some women have the opposite experience where they want so much to stay at home but cannot because of circumstances. I see so many women in this situation. Does anyone have encouraging words for them?
I received this very question earlier this week. Here was my response:
I know that can be a very difficult situation. As we shared in part 3 of this series, the most important thing for you to do now is to submit and honor your husband. I would encourage you to graciously appeal in an honorable way asking him to consider the options for you to work from home (loads of ideas supplied in part 3). Season everything with prayer, dear sister, and allow the Lord to work. He may be open to homeward options, but if not, keep praying for him! The Bible says that he can be won without a word by your submissive behavior (1 Peter 3). Use the prayer tools available here to be praying for a change of heart, but above all, strive to bring the Lord glory by your submissive behavior.
You can bring much glory to God as you seek to lift your husband up before the Lord in prayer. With God, all things are possible!
I want to encourage you that God does indeed provide. We watched some dear friends of ours go through a year of unemployment. The wife was faithful to take care of her home and family, and the husband was faithful to look for work, while remaining sensitive to God’s guidance. At the almost one-year mark, he responded to the need in our community, which had just been ravaged by a hurricane, and successfully launched his own home-building/repair business, and promptly employed my husband, who had just lost his job, due to the hurricane. God provided not only FOR that family, but THROUGH them to help and bless so many others – ourselves included!
Thank you for posting this about staying home during job loss. I struggled greatly with this situation last year when my husband lost his job. I continued to stay home, but was widely criticized by “friends” and most of all, by fellow church members. It was an eye-opening experience. God provided during over 6 months of unemployment and I am happy to say I remain a stay-at-mom. I have blogged quite about a bit about this and my up-and-down emotions during this time. If you are in this situation, I encourage you to get a strong emotional support network and *stay in the Word*!
Suzanne,
Thank you! I am glad I am not the only one who feels the most pressure from her own church family! I am struggling to be a stay-at-home mom with 5 kids. I get no support from church, as a matter of fact, I have been encouraged to get a job, and my husband is not even unemployed! Thank you for standing strong!
This is the perfect ending: “The wife must evaluate what she considers a need versus a want. We certainly do not hold our husbands to a higher living standard during famine times.” Years ago I had a friend who pushed her husband to start his own business instead of working for the people he worked for who took tremendous advantage of him. Her husband finally did start a business, but didn’t confront her about how stressful it was that she kept up her usual spending habits and actually started spending *more* money in the guise of “educating” her child. She signed her up for a preschool program that was as much as my car payment at the time, then enrolled the child in music, art, and gymnastics. My heart just broke for the husband as we friends watched him working himself sick (literally) to try to become “successful” in order to pay for these new “needs” – he “couldn’t say no” to his wife or disappoint his child. Thankfully he was a hard worker with a lot of skill and he did ultimately “make it”, his business is still doing well today – but not without much sacrifice that could possibly have been alleviated had a little more time been spent at home, rather than trying to find social activities (that one must PAY for) for a 3 year old.