by monthly contributor, Ann Dunagan of Harvest Ministry
To read part 1, visit here.
As moms, we have a vital role in releasing our boys to God’s destiny — through our consistent discipline and biblical encouragement. Empowered by God’s grace, our boys can hit God’s target for their lives; but we need to aim these arrows “toward” God’s bulls-eye, not merely “away” from the ground, or the sky, or some random tree. In parenting (led by our husbands), it’s much more fruitful to focus on the YES-side of advancing God’s kingdom, rather than on the NO-side of man’s legalism.
Boys long for adventure, and they long to be men.
Just look at this awesome newspaper ad from over a hundred years ago. The famous explorer Ernest Shackelton didn’t mince any words, and he didn’t make it sound easy as he was recruiting men to accompany him on a dangerous South Pole expedition . . . and thousands volunteered.
II Timothy 2:1-7, and 19-22, contains 7 KEYS for training our boys to be men:
vs. 1 “You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.”
KEY # 1: Let’s train our boys . . . to to be strong in God’s GRACE — We need to teach our boys to love God and to obey whatever He says, not relying on their own strengths or abilities (or being discouraged by their weaknesses or inabilities), but trusting in God’s grace and relying on His power. What God will tell our sons to do, He will enable them to do.
vs. 2 “And the things that you have heard from me among many witnesses, commit these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.
KEY # 2: Let’s train our boys . . . to LEARN and to LEAD. — We need to train our boys to be teachable and completely submitted to God. They need to learn how to be under authority, and how to be servant-leaders — so others can eventually follow their leadership.
Our boys being boys -- Patrick, climbing a mountain -- Josh, killing a rattlesnake -- Mark, riding a quad
vs. 3 “You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.”
KEY # 3: Let’s train our boys . . . to ENDURE HARDSHIP.– Let’s raise our boys to not be wimpy, but strong and uncompromised; to have a heart for the persecuted, the lost, and the needy; to stand-firm against injustice; and to boldly advance God’s kingdom and His righteousness.
vs. 4 “No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.”
KEY # 4: Let’s train our boys to be . . . UNENCUMBERED and SOBER-minded. — We need to train our boys to not be like the world, bogged-down, selfish, or distracted. They need to learn to guard the gates of their lives (their mind, eyes, ears, and tongues) — to focus on God’s glory.
vs. 5 “And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules.”
KEY # 5: Let’s train our boys . . . to GIVE it ALL they’ve GOT! — to be men of integrity and character, with discipline in every area of life — spiritually, mentally, financially, educationally, socially, and even physically.
Our son, Mark (preparing to "ride" a giant sturgeon), and son Philip (with a trophy salmon)
vs. 6-7 “The hardworking farmer must be first to partake of the crops. Consider what I say, and may the Lord give you understanding in all things.”
KEY # 6: Let’s train our boys . . . to WORK HARD. – We need to teach our boys to understand the value of money, and to know how to invest in the future — to make a generous difference for God’s kingdom, with self-control and financial patience.
vs. 19-22 “Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity. “But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace, with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
KEY # 7: Let’s train our boys . . . to be SET-APART for God.–We need to raise our boys to more than “ordinary” and “common” guys, but boys who are God’s chosen vessels — set-apart to push back darkness, and to advance God’s kingdom.
Our son-to-be, Trae Childs, doing rugged missions in Niger, W. Africa - and my husband Jon in E. Africa
My husband and I have always believed seriously in the need to train our boys to be men. Today’s world needs righteous men to advance God’s kingdom, not just sons who aren’t “too bad” or merely “good little boys.” As women, as wives and as moms, let’s release our husbands, our young men, and our boys — to rise up and take leadership against the sins and injustices of this world, for the glory of God.
Let’s train our boys to be men.
“That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth . . . ”
Psalm 144:12
Ann, I have tried so many ways to contact you personally, but can’t find any! So I hope this reaches you
God used this article to bring absolute peace for me to let my 8 year old (will be 9 on the trip) go on a missions trip to Baja, Mexico with my husband and a team from our church.
My question is: how do handle naysayers? I knew my family and my in laws would feel like this is the worst decision (too dangerous, he is too young, etc).
I do have absolute peace about it, but then when they bring fear into it, I begin to think “What if..what if…?”
I’m sure you have faced this. Can you give my any encouragement/wisdom?
This is an amazing, awesome post! Thank you so much. My baby boy is just about to turn one and, having no brothers, I really appreciate the advice on how to raise a good son. I already forwarded your post to my husband and can’t wait to talk to him about it!
Thanks!
I also love the formatting, pictures and relevant scripture. As a new believer, the combination really helps drive home the points and understand where you are coming from.
I would also like to echo the request for a follow-up on “How.”
I really enjoyed reading these posts! Have you seen Divided, the movie? dividedthemovie.com It may be something worth watching; God’s plan for keeping the youth in the church.
Amen!! Thanks for sharing!
There has been a need for men of substance and character throughout history, and an equal need for parents to take up the challenge to raise them. I don’t believe this is a new problem.
At the root of the issue is a need to decide up front that we are going to raise our children to care, and to do something about the things God places in their path. In our culture we spend a lot of time and energy doing things that don’t lead toward that goal. We’re SO busy all the time, but so little of it counts for anything.
Missional living is a mindset. A renewing of our minds.
Once we decide that we want to be a part of the solution, God has a way of opening our eyes and ears to the opportunities. When we are faithful to those, he equips us for more, and begins to expand our horizons to “all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
And so begins an adventure that can inspire any boy to living a life that matters.
Thanks for sharing your story, Ann! What an incredible example you guys have set as parents! Your sons have clearly caught the vision and are doing their part to show that there ARE still men of quality in our world!
Thank you for these posts. Sadly there is a raging epidemic of the “man-child” syndrome in our culture largely due to the feminist movement.
I relish reading godly posts from women who’ve raised their boys to become men, yet with all the we should advice there is little in HOW to train them, especially for those of us with no Titus 2 mentor in our lives. Yes, I need to instill these keys into my son, but HOW? I would love specific- very specific ideas, activities, etc that go beyond the we “should” do this to the actual nitty gritty of what things you and other moms like you did specifically with your sons.
Thank God for women who believe in the God given differences in gender and who raise their kids against the grain to love Jesus!
I second this request! It’s exactly what I was thinking… “these are awesome points, but HOW do I do it?!”
Dear Ann, thank you so much for the Godly wisdom. My two little “men” (almost 4 and 19 mths.) are asleep right now and boy do they need that! I feel like somedays I’m fighting an uphill battle just to learn the simple things like sharing and kindness. Thank you for reminding me of the vision for their future. I’m not just raising “nice” boys who’ll get along well with others at a play group. I’m raising fierce warriors to combat the culture for Jesus! I have to admit if I’ve ever been discouraged it was today. I really felt like this day would never end and my children will never learn. Our Father in heaven is so kind to allow me to have read this at the exact time I needed it. I can’t wait to share it with my husband and some friends! God bless you, your family and ministries.
thank you ann for your enouraging, truthful and biblical words!
and thank you lindsey for having ann as a contributing writer… i always benefit from her words!
As another Anglican, of course the Bible is our foundation. However, it’s not as if the Bible was written in modern English in the context of the 21st century Western World. We return to the original documents and work to parse the original meaning from the language and context and use all the gifts of knowledge that God has given us over time to determine the full meaning of the original text so as to apply it better today. In regards to homosexuals, it has led us to accept everyone into the brethren of Christ and to focus on the message of love, forgiveness, acceptance and compassion that Christ taught and that we are duty bound to emulate.
Beautiful words, Ann! And this morsel of encouragement for mothers of sons is much needed in today’s world where the magnificent roles God designed for men and women are blurred in the face of such terms as “gender equality”. Oh, what a future this world would have if boys were raised in this manner!
Instead, the marvelously designed differences between boys and girls are too often shunned, even at birth. They are expected to learn in the same manner, even though they were not designed in this way…labels such as ADHD mask what is too often a difference in their very nature. Then, as teenagers, the world expects, yes expects (and encourages), boys to regress into an immature state instead of grow into the young leaders and followers of Christ they are meant to be. As men, society ridicules and demeans them in favor of humor that emasculates them. And leaders of integrity…almost absent in much of the world today.
I am grateful for the opportunity to do my part in raising four boys into young men. Thank you, Ann, for the encouragement and the challenge to do it not the world’s way, but God’s way!
Thank you, Ann for the post! Seeing the world through the lens of a culture and not the Bible will leave you with a distorted view. We need to examine what the Bible says about what makes a man and a woman. Men and women were made for different purposes and not one is more important than the other…we just have different roles. Roles are not simply defined by baking or fixing a car…that is surface and silly. It is also a distraction to keep many from delving into the real beauty behind how God designed men and women.
Thanks again…love the posts and the pictures!
I absolutely love the heart behind this post. Ann as written it specifically about raising boys; so I don’t feel the slightest bit put-out about her not mentioning that girls too, should have at least some of these qualities.
Can you imagine what our culture would look like if we did as Ann suggests and trained our boys to stand strong and be the men that God created them to be? I would venture to guess we would see a radically different culture in the next generation as we moms saw our roles as crucial to the success of our boys as they grow into men.
I loved the pictures, too. Certainly better than the typical stereo- images we know today of boys who spend their days playing X-box and Nintendo. And Ann, I would have loved to have had one of your brave sons with us as we traveled the country this past summer. Boys who know the difference between right and wrong and who also know how to survive and defend others are an asset to the rest of us!
God created us in His image: MALE AND FEMALE. I thank God we are different! This culture has blurred the lines between men and women to the point where it is often, and sadly, unrecognizeable. Viva la difference!
Keep up the good work, Ann! You are a mother we would all do well to model ourselves after. Thank you for your ministry and for the love you have for your family! It is a refreshing return to Biblical values.
Ann, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around God’s grace. In the very first part of the verses, you mentioned to train our boys to be strong in God’s grace. So, in other words, to train them to be strong in GOD’S strength & power? Is that the right idea of God’s grace (in this scenario)?
I’m learning so much that I never thought of before in terms of raising men and being more of an encourager rather than being overly protective (as is my nature). I am not used to being around men – I only had sisters, and what I know about men, I’ve learned since being married – quite a learning experience over the years!
And, do you have any good book ideas for early/beginning readers? My only son so far, almost 6 yrs. old, has learned how to read, and has really taken off with it and really loves it. I’d like to get some books around our home for him to read to encourage him in being a little man.
Thanks Ann!
Jill,
So often we think of “GRACE” as a feminine word, associated with being “graceful” or sweet-natured. But actually, GRACE is gift from God for all of us.
Here’s what I wrote in a comment yesterday, when someone asked the same question:
WHAT IS GRACE?
As for GRACE. You’re right about this word being an often-used Christian “lingo” word that’s tossed around without everybody knowing what it means.
GRACE is a little word that has a HUGE impact to our life. We can study about GOD’S GRACE for weeks, months, and years. I’ve heard SO many different sermons and even multiple series-of-sermons on this very topic. But if I could just boil it all down to a little bite-sized “nugget” — I would just say that GRACE is God’s supernatural POWER and help (that’s totally undeserved and nothing to do with our own self-efforts — but totally because of ALL that Jesus did through His life, death, and resurrection).
Whatever God wants us to do, asks us to do, or tells us to do, He will supernaturally give us the POWER and help to do it. I simply TRUST GOD that if HE has called me to do something (and I feel like I can’t do it), He will enable me to obey. He will help me. He will help us TO DO what is right, and He will help us TO NOT DO what is wrong. It’s not by our own strength or power. It’s by God’s strength.
Amen, sister, This article is so needed in todays day and age. As the mother of 4 boys, I am having to learn daily how to allow my boys to be men. To do exploits for the Kingdom of God and be dominion keepers is something I will daily be needing to let them run for as their mother. We do tend to hover over them I believe and I am thankful the Lord has given me a husband with the same vision.
True godly manhood is also NOT the macho man that is portrays in Hollywood either. We seem in the world to have only wimpy, silly effeminate men, or macho, prideful, cocky men. True manhood is displayed in servant leadership. A tender care and protective heart towards those whom God has given them to watch over. A holy seriousness in their roles as leaders and protectors. This is far from the silliness and boyishness in many adult “men” today. We used to have in our society a propriety for how our women were treated. And so true manhood actually raises a woman to be cherished as well.
So much is against this in our society, but may God give us grace to raise up the standard and encourage our sons to do exploits for the Kingdom of God and as the scriptures say, “Quit ye like men”…may they be strong and courageous doing all for God’s glory!
Thank you for these Posts. I, as an adventurous women, love when I am encouraged to be a “daring daughter” for Christ. What I desire as an adventurous women, is a strong man to stand alongside me, who will be a MAN, as I am a WOMAN. TOGETHER as strong men and women, we can work in unity, and be powerful for the kingdom. We need to not take offense when someone other then ourselves is encouraged. We not to let go of our selfishness and pride, and encourage each other to be all that God has for us to be. We need to let our men be encouraged.
If you are interested in material about women being adventurous and daring, check out Ann’s article about “Daring Daughters & Dirty Feet” Read these articles together and you will see Ann’s heart is for ALL to be daring and live to the fullest – for Jesus.
Thank you for sharing Ann!
In a world were Genders are so confused, and homosexuality is soo rampant, It is vital that our men are taught to be men! I, as a woman am quite adventurous, and many of these things sound appealing to me also, but I am so thankful that you are encouraging (at this time) men. I also appreciate your “Daring Daughters” articles relating to women. You are SUCH an encouragement to me and my family.
Let the Men arise as good and Godly leaders… That is, if the women let them.
We, as women, need to encourage our men to be leaders (not dominating mind you, but leaders) and to stand strong and provide a good example to their families, the church, and to the world.
Thank you for this post. I believe that this country is raising boys to be boys and not men. I think the young ladies don’t even know what a man is expected to do. I am grateful to you for writing these posts and I hope there are many moms out there that heed the words and I hope there are dads out there that too will heed the words and step up to the plate. Unfortunately our society won’t allow this to happen, everyone has to be on equal ground, equal playing field. I say hogwash. Prayer and Fasting is greatly needed and only with the grace of God will we turn the tables and get back to the way God intended the sexes to be. Man and Woman. Thank you again.
preach it girl!
I need some encouragement and advise. I love what you have wrote. You mentioned to let our husbands lead. I don’t know how to let go and let my husband lead. I feel like he isn’t in the mind set to lead our family the way God wants our family to be lead. We have a 6 month old little boy and he hasn’t proved to me yet that he can lead us. How do I let him lead?
Kayla, encourage him ro read Family Driven Faith or Family Shephards: Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes both by Voddie Baucham. These books are incredible. Voddie doesn’t mince any words and challenges men to step up. Or you can hear free sermons on sermonaudio.com by Voddie that are just as convicting and challenging. Other than that, as a wife of a husband who formerly did not lead his family, the best advice I can give you is to pray on his behalf asking God to give him the desire to lead. It took our family 5 years before my husband decided to take the lead BUT he did it on his own, not because I nagged him, and it has been one of the sweetest gifts. Hope this helps and encourages you.
Do you have a family vision? If not, sit down with your husband and brainstorm and pray together what you want for your family. I’m guessing your husband has the potential to lead, otherwise you wouldn’t have married him. He likely just doesn’t know how. Encourage him to pray for you as a couple, pray for your baby (bedtime prayers), even if it’s reciting the same one over and over. Get a devotion book and gently ask him to read it after supper. (in a looking-up-to-you way, not a expecting-perfection way). Find Godly families who you admire and invite them over so he has good role models. Watch other families with Godly children and talk about how to make that happen in your own house. God commands us wives to specific roles, and husbands to others. Did anyone make you pass a test to “prove” you were capable to become a parent? No, so work on this together. It’s a learning curve for you both.
Thak you so much for this post…….I have enjoyed reading it very much!!! I must say I rolled my eyes at some of these comments about not killing snakes and gender equality….what does that have to do with this post? This post is about raising up boys to be men of God and I’m glad you wrote it and I’m glad I read it! Oh and I also sent a request to Hearvest Ministies for the paperwork so myself and my two granddaughters to be involved in sponsoring an orphan. I am raising these girls ages 7 & 12 and it is my desire to bring them up in the ways of the Lord and to help shape their hearts to be others focused with a heart for the orphan and the hurting and the lost. I hope to show them that there is somthing they can do, they can pray for these people, they can give, the too can go and be involved in some way or another.
Blessings for all you do!
Exactly – I don’t understand why people even want to argue about men and women. The author is talking about raising boys to be men. She is not discussing about raising boys to have feminine traits or raising girls to have male qualities. Whether this society wants to accept it or not, we are designed by God to have very specific gender-based roles.
Thank you for the article! It was refreshing and a great reminder for us to intentionally disciple our children. As for some of the comments I encourage those of you who have bought into the gender equality of this age to do some studying on biblical manhood and womanhood. We are equal in our dignity but we have very different God-given roles. You have bought into feminism. Voddie Baucham has some wonderful sermons on the matter. Google him and you’ll find them on sermonaudio.com God bless!
Oh, I love this. I’m pregnant with my third boy in a row right now, and my oldest is but 2 1/2. Already I can see my oldest being reluctant to do things that he won’t be immediately successful at, and my husband and I are having endless conversations about how to avoid pride and foster assertive risk-taking and, well, yeah — raise him to be a MAN. I’d love love love to see another post about how to START — how do you treat a toddler in order to prepare him for manhood?!
I’d love to see a you write a devotional book to do with boys on this subject (and also one for raising girls to be brave, godly women shining in a dark world!), maybe several, at different age levels. We love our fun, adventurous Bible times, but it would be awesome to also hone in on studying these different qualities. Sometimes it helps to have a little guidance, and I also feel like so many of the children’s devotionals out there are just boring and namby-pamby, not much meat to them. Oh, and if these devotional books I’m cooking up for you could come with a parents guide with great tips on training your boys in these qualities, that would be even better!
Kirstie,
I’m no Ann, but after a lot of encouragement from friends, I’m blogging along these lines…If you’re interested
-J
I see your point about men being men, but I don’t understand why you, as a devout Christian, condone the torturing and killing of animals? Killing a rattle snake isn’t very Christian in my book. Why not appreaciate the animals as the beautiful creatures they are? They too are created by our Lord and no one should destroy His work.
Hm, I do see what you are saying. I am not a fan of people killing things that they don’t eat, or killing animals for fun. God’s creation is for us to enjoy and appreciate, not destroy….. however rattlesnakes are one of most poisonous and quick striking snakes out there. I have almost been bitten by one, and I’m not going to lie, I don’t swerve to miss them when I am driving. If your child was bitten by a rattle snake 1) they would probably die quickly, and 2) you would feel different about people hunting them. Even GEN 3:15 talks about man’s enmity between man and snakes.
But on a general note, I really dislike when people kill just for the sake of killing things. Life is beautiful and should not be taken lightly.
I know Ann, and I know she never promoted killing and torturing animals. If her boys killed something it had to be 1) a pest that was destroying crops etc. or 2) only killed if eaten.
Dear Anna (and any other curious comment-reader)
Just to clear the water in this area, our family does not encourage or condone the torturing of animals, or the killing of any animal just for fun.
The Bible says in Proverbs 12:27, “The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious.”
Anything that our boys (or our girls
) kill in hunting or fishing is for food. Josh told me that this rattlesnake was coiled up and was about to strike him. That evening, he prepared a special “rattlesnake” dinner for all of the family (and I was especially impressed with his city-raised beautiful newlywed bride, when she was willing to eat it!)
So, have any of you daring daughters ever tasted rattlesnake? It actually wasn’t bad at all. It had a fishy taste, similar to trout, with a chewy texture that was very similar to the rubbery consistency of calamari.
In our family, we have made a conscious effort to teach our boys and our girls to not be picky eaters. We see it as missionary training!!!
Not that you should teach them that it’s okay to express their feelings and not be completely stoic about them… While I agree with some of these, I think we need to start treating genders a bit more equally. Gender equality means daughters should learn these things as well and men shouldn’t always have to be the mighty protectors of the weak. They have feelings too.
In response to some of the earlier comments left here, I’d like to point out that yes, God created all humans “equal” in that we are all created in God’s image with purpose and destiny. That is not the same thing as the humanist, Marxist “gender neutrality…all humans are THE SAME” philosophy that the “system” has been indoctrinating us with this past century. (On the “outside” it “sounds” so noble…but really, do we think the enemy is going to present lies in all their ugliness? He’s a little more subtle than that.)
I think we have a tendency to get confused by definitions. Gender “equality” the way the world looks at it is really egalitarianism. (Google that if you don’t know what it is…many excellent books/documentaries have been written regarding the dangers of this humanist philosophy that is being propagated in our country right now as we move toward socialism. Yes…egalitarianism has MAJOR socioeconomic implications/consequences about which it would behoove us to be educated.) When we do not hold to a Biblical worldview, we are only able to repeat what the secular humanists have taught us our whole lives.
Our Creator teaches us in His Word that He created male and female…they are “equal”, but they are most definitely NOT “the same”. He is an amazingly creative God…and never intended for humans to all be “vanilla”…with no other flavors. : ) God has a beautiful plan and purpose laid out for men and women. Only created, fallen humans could come up with a boring plan like “everyone is exactly the same” and call it “good and wise”.
When we recognize and embrace the beautiful truth that men and women have been created to be different and unique…we can praise God for His creativity and have an appreciation and RESPECT for the incredible differences between men and women.
Ann…thank you for your post! I’m glad you raised strong, protective men and noble, feminine women…and my guess is that your emotionally stable, well-adjusted children are glad you aimed them that direction as well! The testimony of your family points to the Greatness of our God and the Wisdom of His ways….which of course…are always so much higher and better than ours. : )
I do like these traits, I agree…except that I think they apply to all children, not just men. Those were the characteristics that were expected out of me, and what I would expect out of any daughters and sons that I might have. The South Pole Trip sounds like one that I would have wanted to go on, or my sister Katie. My sister Mary would have never thought about it, nor my brother Joseph. My husband and I would never think of one of us as THE leader. We both have gifts that shine in different ways. I really admire the wonderful relationship his parents have. They’ve been married for 34/35 years in a wonderful Christian marriages. Both of them served as elders in their church. His mother served as the head elder for a while. His father has never been that vocal of a person. His mother was better at leading things that needed a voice. I’m similar in that way. I, actually, we ill probably be the one who makes the money for a very long time before my husband’s dream gets off the ground.
Yes, let’s raise children to be active in God’s kingdom and be gracious leaders, but let’s remember that no child fights a “biological gender mold.” We must prepare them for whatever relationships come their way, to not assume that they will just take on a specific role.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! As a young girl in today’s world, I am so often discouraged by the boys that people call “men”. Thank you for raising your boys to be true men and for encouraging others to do the same.
I’m not married, and I don’t have children, let alone boys … but these posts have been amazing! Such an awesome challenge! Thank you!