Guest post by Amanda Bacon from Bacon Bites.
Chances are if you have been out in public with more than one child in tow, you have heard comments similar to these:
“Wow, you have your hands full!”
“My! You sure are busy!”
“I don’t know how you do it!”
“You’re brave for bringing them all with you…”
“Are they all yours?”
“Better you than me!”
You get the idea. You give them a weak smile while thinking, “That’s all you could think of to say to me?”
Sadly, in our society, parents are accustomed to hearing these types of statements. These comments are an indication that our society views having children differently than God does. Why are children not universally valued in our society? Can we see children as a joyful addition to life (and shopping trips)?
And by the way, moms always know we have our hands full, don’t we? But that’s part of the joy of it all. I LOVE taking the kids to the store. I really do. It’s a challenge and such fun all at the same time. As I’m sure you do, I treasure any chance to slip into town to the store by myself. But that’s not always practical. Plus, taking the kids to the store gets us out of the house and teaches the kids how to properly interact with the outside world. Also, having the three bigger kids bagging produce for me is an added bonus.
We saw what kinds of things can be discouraging to a mom, now let’s look at how we can build up and encourage one another in our mothering. I can think of plenty of positive things to say when I see a fellow mom out and about with her kid(s). How about: (These are real things that people have said to me, God bless these kind and wonderful souls!)
“Those are some cute kiddos.”
“How old are they? They are just beautiful.”
You are incredibly blessed.”
“You’re doing a good job, Mom.”
“Can I help you with anything?”
“You kids are so well behaved.”
“It must be fun to be out shopping with your Mom!”
I have six children ages ten and under, including the adorable and chubby ten month old baby boy who arrived just three weeks ago whom we are in the process of adopting and the fourteen month old baby girl we welcomed through adoption last summer when she was nine weeks old.
I don’t see our family as large – I see it as just right. It’s our family. And I adore our family. It’s not a burden, it’s an absolute joy. I can understand why a family with more than two to three kids is considered “large” in our culture where reaching the American Dream is something to be strived for, and many view children as little beings that get in the way. Well, I for one am living my dream. No American Dream needed here, I have a God-given dream. God has pieced our family together in ways I couldn’t have dreamed up in a lifetime of nights spent sleeping. He has made me a joyful mother of children. There is nothing that could entice me to live in a bigger house, have a nicer (and smaller) car, enjoy more throw around cash, have designer clothes, and a career that is taking off. Nothing. I laugh at the thought. I love my life. Our children are a heritage. They (and ourselves) are the only things that are lasting in this life in light of eternity.
Children are God’s gift to us. Psalm 127:3 states, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” That passage goes on to say, in verses four and five, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”
What might those blessings of having children look like? Sometimes we view blessings as only the obviously good things that come our way. I can tell you first hand that I am blessed to have been humbled on several occasions by my children. They help me continually see my need for God.
No matter what our society says about raising children, we can know that the God of the universe is cheering us on. And that is more than enough as we raise the next generation of arrows to be shot out into this world for his glory.
Amanda Bacon enjoys life with her family in the beautiful state of Alaska. She is married to Jeremy, and has six children ages 10, 9, 6, 3, 14 months, and 10 months. Her interests include helping women grow in relationship with the Lord, adoption, homeschooling, sewing, knitting/crochet, and blogging at Bacon Bites.
Great post! We will have (in THREE WEEKS!!) 7 children aged 10 and under, and I could have written this post myself! It is spot on! I think it is so sad that so many in this world think that having children is a burden. It is truly the joy of my life…and I can’t stress that enough! Thanks for your post!
I have 5 kids (11 to 6 months). My favorite comment recently was “Please tell me you brought some neighbor kids with you.” I love it when people say “you are blessed!” Yes, I am!
That’s too funny! I bet they gave you a little laugh for your day! I think if that’s said with a smile and a twinkle in their eye it can be a great conversation opener!
I often think people say those things because they are secretly jealous– and at least the women wish they had more children. In Bible times women with many children were to be envied. I think people are trying to convince themselves they made the right choice. Just an idea but I do think people are jealous . . .
I loved this article, but I have been wondering why so many moms of multiples take offense at the first 3 comments you mentioned. So far I only have 3 children. I absolutely love them and take them in public all the time and so I hear these comments almost daily. The truth is I DO have my hands full! The truth is that I AM busy, and without Jesus and my amazing husband, I have no idea how I would do it either. I really think those 3 comments are attempts at friendship by strangers, are generally true of the life of a Mom, and shouldn’t cause offense. I see them as conversation starters and never receive them in a negative light.
So well said!! This is what I was trying to say – not as well! – myself!
Thanks for commenting – great viewpoint! I try to be extra sensitive when talking to other Moms, making sure what I say could only be conveyed as positive, and I know it’s not realistic to expect others to do the same, but one can hope!!
~ Amanda
A friend of mine with 9 children recently told me that her favorite/most shocking ‘odd comment’ has to be ‘Wow, you can tell they all have the same father.’ The kids are ages 8-23 all with white blonde hair and blue eyes.
Another funny thing is her response to the comment ‘wow, havent you figured out what causes that yet?’ ..’Well, we tried keeping our toothbrushes in separate cups but the kids just kept on coming’
Congratulations Amanda! Fun to read your post:)
I so enjoyed this encouraging post!
As a mommy with four little ones, ages 7, 5, 3, and 12 months, I can vouch that it’s so encouraging to hear words of affirmation like you shared- even coming from a stranger at Walmart!
As far as the tacky comments go, I have to remind myself that other’s opinions (good or bad) do not define me. My value (and the value of my children) is defined by the Word of God! Sadly, our culture has veered so very far away from Biblical principles that those who are striving to live by those principles seem odd.
I think a lot of it has to do with my attitude and how I perceive my situation and the comments. I only have 3 kids so far, so when people say I have my hands full, I laugh, think of God’s view of children, and pray my hands become more full of blessings! When I had two kids, and the youngest was about 2, an old farmer (I say that endearingly) passed by my, smiled, and said, “Looks like it’s time for another one!” I thought that was so encouraging and counter-cultural. What a fun surprise to hear an old man say!
My husband and I had 4 kids in 2 and a half years, so we’ve gotten all those comments and then some. I can honestly say I don’t remember being discouraged by any of them. Most people are just trying to start a conversation. It also gives you an opportunity to talk about what a blessing it is…even though it is “busy.” And for me, I’m thankful for those conversations with strangers. It’s nice to talk to another adult. Also, I have been so encouraged by how many strangers have seen me with all my kids and opened the door for me. As Christians, we need to be careful about passing judgment on people over one comment. They may not have meant it the way it was intended.
Exactly! Thank you for sharing – I love your comment! Instead, I think we can all think about how we can give more encouragement to others – our husbands, our families, our community, or strangers. Do we ourselves let moments pass by when we didn’t say an encouraging word to someone?
Perfectly said! Thank you for commenting – for the most part people are very kind and helpful… and maybe it’s just wishful thinking hoping that friends and strangers alike would only say things that are Kind, Necessary, and True. (This is what we’re teaching our kids, and wouldn’t it be a nice world if all statements coming out of each person’s mouth fit all 3?) ~Amanda
I really enjoyed this post! I also have just had my 4th child (ages 7, 5, 2 and 3 months) and take all of my kids everywhere. I was warned that people would stare, comment, etc. and it is very true. I don’t mind most of the trite comments that people make as long as they are not in a negative tone. However, when I only had my oldest three girls, I did get very tired of hearing things like “THREE girls … oh, poor daddy.” Even if this was an uncreative comment, there is the implied thought that something is wrong with girls. These comments were always made in front of the kids, and my oldest daughter used to repeat “poor daddy” until one day she asked my why people said this. I started replying to people who said this that daddy was blessed beyond measure and God must think he was extra-special to be given the job of raising daughters. Now that I have just had a baby boy, I have had so many people say “So, you finally got your boy. I guess you are done.” As if the only reason to have had another child was to have a son, instead of the incredible blessing of having a large family.
So, please be careful about the thoughtless, gender-biased comments that are made. God made both Adam and Eve. Don’t pity a mom who has all boys anymore than a dad who has all girls. God has a perfect plan in everything and asking families if they are “trying” for a boy or “going” for a girl, implies that we are in control instead of God.
How funny! I was thinking this exact thing the other day. I took my four small children (6,4,3,1) to the store with their cousin (4) and someone saw them and said, “My, you sure have your hands full.” I smiled and nodded and said, “yep!” just as I always do.
But then I wondered why that is the default reaction. I’ve heard that comment about a hundred times and never anything like the ones you’ve suggested. I thought about what people could say and came up with most of what’s on your list. Great minds think alike, eh?
I’m going to be sharing this with my friends. Thank you!
I loved this post on your own blog Amanda and I love it here. I have 4 kiddos from ages 1 to 7 myself as you know and want to adopt even more. But unlike other moms of larger families I do not come by the patience naturally! It is very hard sometimes, and the store is NOT my fav place to take all the little guys. It is not impossible though and to be honest it has to do with how well I am disciplining and encouraging. It is probably a great teaching time if I can get my patience ready ahead of time and don’t have an overwhelming list that will be too much for them to handle. I don’t mind the comments personally about a large family since I do feel busy and overwhelmed often and it feels like someone is sympathising. I know it should not be a chore but a blessing, but sometimes it is HARD. I wouldn’t trade it for the world but that doesn’t make it easy! Congrats on your guest post! Hope it draws a lot of traffic your way as you have a lot of great things to say and the lifestyle to back it up! Blessings! Kristy
This is so well put. It is my heart coming through someone else. We have 4 kids (ALL GIRLS) under 5 years, including a 5 year old, 2 year old and 1 year old twins.
We also do not always have the option of childcare, but as you said, we LOVE taking them with us. I love being a mommy and dedicating my time, energy, life and everything I have to my children. They are the greatest blessing, next to my salvation and my husband, that God has given to me.
On a REGULAR basis we take our kids grocery shopping and out to eat. We do this to get them accustomed to “living” in this world
Though, as you, we have heard these comments EVERY time we have been out as a family.
“WOW! You have your hands full!”
“Are they twins? How many months are between them and your 2nd?”
“OH WOW! You are brave!”
“I bet they keep you busy!”
“I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t do what you do.”
And it breaks my heart as well as my husbands when we hear these comments as readily in our church as we do at Costco or Olive Garden.
But I must say that God truly blessed us last weekend when we had taken our FOUR girls to lunch on a Sunday afternoon. There was a “party” of probably 20 people sitting at a table near us and as they were departing one kind, gentle woman came up and asked, “I must know what are the ages of your beautiful children?” After I responded she replied, “What an incredible blessing. They are so beautiful and well behaved. I had three girls of my own and absolutely loved it!”
This woman brought tears to my eyes as she was elderly and I am sure remembering the moments she had enjoyed and the memories she had made with her little girls.
If only everyone saw children as a blessing and not a burden. If only they were viewed as HIS and not a commodity or a possession, but a GIFT.
Sorry, I will step off my soapbox… but I agree completely and pray every day that the WORLD will see the joy that is hidden in our children the generations that are being raised… that they will be PRIZED and TREASURED and LOVED without condition, according to God’s Word!
<3
This post is beautiful! I’m getting married in October and I look forward to having a big family someday, God-willing. Children truly are a blessing from the Lord!
As a mom of two, I have said to moms of larger families (usually 4 or more), “wow, you are busy!” but I am in no way critizing the mother. Two kids keeps me really busy so I’m in awe of their ability to take care of so many kids. So please don’t always take those comments negatively. In the same way, I don’t take it negatively when people ask me why we aren’t having more children.
Hi Tiffany! Thank you for your comments – I truly appreciate your input. And actually, I don’t feel criticized in any way when people comment how busy my life seems, I am confident in the role God has given me… even though things do get crazy & busy at times! And I do know that a majority of the people commenting on how busy life can be with lots of kiddos (or one kiddo!) only mean to make conversation and that is the most obvious thing to say! This is just a reminder for folks to think before speaking words that might not feel so encouraging to a mom in a sometimes thankless season of life.
As a mother of a heretofore “only child”, but having extended family with large families of their own, I can say it doesn’t matter what you do, some people will always have something negative to say. At the same time that large families get the comments you mentioned, families with only one get asked often, “Aren’t you going to have another?” and told how important siblings are. As if their one child isn’t precious enough on their own, as if having only one is actually worse than having none, as if everyone can just get pregnant on command. Undoubtedly, we are all on our own paths and should ease up on the judgment of others.
Great response – I grew up as an only child and if you want harsh comments – even asking the child why their parents didn’t want any more, go for a small family! The direct negative comments just don’t stop! I also have friends who just have two or three children, and they are often asked why they don’t want more and why they don’t consider children a blessing – even if many of them do want more, but are having issues.
Oh my gosh, the “when are you going to have another” part is so true! I was an only child due to my mom’s horrible back issues, and my child is an only child because I am unable to have any more. I get asked all the time about having another baby, and you know, I really did want another one, but it is simply not going to happen. Then some people like to say, “God is full of surprises!,” and He is, but I have had to have surgery to make sure I never have another one. The situation would literally be life threatening, possibly even fatal. God knew what He was doing when he gave me one to love, and it would be awesome if people could see that.
This is a great post. I admire moms with many children and would love to be one if it were not for frustrating fertility issues. I will say though, that I have probably used the term “You must have your hands full!” But it was always with a smile and admiration for the mother. I know there are those who view children as burdens but it’s not necessarily a term that means that. I have my hands full with one sweet and well-behaved daughter so I know that a mom with several children have their hands full…happily.
I ran into this post on facebook…two friends had put a link up for it. They dont know each other and live on opposite ends of the country. Nice to know the good stuff spreads like wildfire too.
thanks for the reminders….
I LOVE THIS POST! My husband and I just adopted three children (a sib group). The youngest two have been with us since the “baby” was 9 months old. The older sister came to live with us the following year (PTL) and a few months later our infertility, uh, suddenly disappeared. So we have 4 kids (well, and as soon as the adoption placement stuff was done – it took 3 years, God decided we needed ANOTHER miracle baby, sometime in March).
All that to say, I love when I’m out with only two of them and someone says my hands are full, If they only knew that more than my hands are full, so is my heart! It’s hard, the three adopted children have special needs, but that makes them even more endearing (albeit challenging in public). Together they are delightful. And I am working at finding the joy in even the crazy task of laundry (that wasn’t done last week while I was out of town). Oh to normal routines in the fall…
Nice to hear from you, Jennifer! Adoption is near and dear to my heart!! Oh, and the LAUNDRY! Don’t get me started, ha ha.
~ Amanda
I couldn’t agree more, It really bothers me when people say, my you have your hands full.
It shouldn’t but it does.
I’m loving it, is what I always say.
xo
Beautifully said. What a refreshing concept–to see other people’s children as wonderful creations. Thank you for writing this.
Wonderful post. I am so tired of hearing mommies of many being put down. I firmly believe children are a blessing and should be treated as such.
Kudos for speaking up!
I have two so far, ages 3.5 and 9 months. People regularly tell me I have my hands full. I always respond with enthusiasm and a grin, “Yes I do!” with the intent to make it a positive thing. I’m considering changing my response to “Yes, full of blessings!” I’ve also noticed that people can be over-solicitous, like I have a problem on my hands or I can’t possibly carry my baby and two bags of groceries. I find that very strange – sure its not easy having kids. But it certainly isn’t a handicap!
I feel like parents in our culture complain about their kids more often than they express gratitude. I find myself picking up the same habits! I never want my children to get the impression that they are a burden to their parents. I want them to know they are the joy of my life and the biggest blessing God has given me.
Enjoyed reading this post. Thanks for writing it. I’m starting to get the “hands full” comment with just two kids (2 and 3 months). The favorite comment I ever got though was a lady telling me how wonderful she thought it was that I was a stay at home mom and she was glad my husband was willing to support the family so I could do that. Sometimes it’s crazy when a stranger encourages you more then your friends!
This IS well said. There is a cashier at our grocery store that i intentionally wait for because she is so so so encouraging to me. (i have 3 boys…almost 4, 2 and 9 months.) she is a blessing to me!
I love this post. Well said!
LOVE this! I really like that you included positive comments you have heard. It encourages me to go out of my way to encourage other mothers, too.
I’m the third of four and I’m from Houston, where it’s quite unusual for a middle-class caucasian family to have more than two kids. Whenever my mom had all four of us with her at the grocery store, people would ask her, “Are ALL of these kids YOURS?!” My mom would tell them, “Yes, and I worked hard for every single one of them!”
My parents didn’t wait to have kids, but it took two years, endometriosis surgery, and fertility drugs for my mom to get pregnant with my oldest brother. She didn’t need fertility treatments for the rest of us, but it did take several months of trying to get us.
Of course, there were the hard days when my mom wondered WHY she even bothered with the treatments, but truly, she is very happy that she had all of us.
We have soon-to-be four children in four years. I get comments all the time like the ones you mentioned. I have to admit that I sometimes find taking the children out to do certain activities more stressful than fun at this point, but I’m getting better at enjoying them when we go out.
We waited seven years to have children. Finally, after fertility treatments and loss, we had our first little girl, and then we were blessed in quick succession. People who make comments about my “handfuls” have no idea what a miracle they are. My favorite responses are “I wouldn’t have it any other way” or “I’d have 10 more if I could!” That usually changes their tune (-;
Thank you for this encouraging, sweet reminder of what blessings our children are, even when they are “handfuls.”
I really appreciate this post. As a mom of a 2 1/2 year old and a 10 month old, I am conflicted about having more. We have discussed adoption and hope that we can manage to take that route. But my struggles every day make me wish I felt like you. How can I manage to love being a mom on a daily basis, when discipline seems to not be working, I have not had a 4 hour block of sleep in 20 months, and depression seems to seep in.
I totally believe that you love your role as a mother. I love my children, but wonder how others can seem so joyous in their role when sleep is lacking.
It goes by fast. Mine are in elementary school and you will long for those nights of rocking and nursing.
Try to combat the depressing with healthy meals and plenty of exercise even if that is just pushing a stroller around the neighbor.
Amber! I feel like I can often relate. While I do enjoy being a mom, I struggle at times. Our 10 month old has medical issues that has made sleep difficult and I had a 6 month recovery from the delivery. It has been a rough year. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE MY SON TO DEATH. Sometimes I am just so exhausted, it’s all I can do to function. It is rare that my husband or I get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time, and even that is rare.
Oh, how I wish I could hug you right now!! Hang in there. I constantly have to remind myself that God will supply all the strength that I need to get through one day at a time!
“Yet they who wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
My heart is with you!
Thank you, Laura.
Amber, I empathize with you. As I said above, I am learning to enjoy my children more, and I do see my children as miraculous blessings, but I have some of the same struggles you mentioned.
Not getting sleep has been one of the hugest issues hindering my satisfaction in motherhood. All three of mine are horrible sleeprers. They have all had reflux, my middle child so severely that milk would come out his tear duct and nose. He was up every 40 minutes for nearly the first year of his life. There were times I felt like I could just die because I was so tired breathing was too much of an effort.
Time is already flying by quickly, and while I will miss SOME THINGS about them being babies, I am quite certain I will not miss being up most of the night every night. Anyone who says you will miss that, I strongly suspect has not been up every hour for months, even years, on end.
Post-partum depression is a very real issue for moms, even Christian moms (whas that a heresy I just wrote?), so if you feel like depression is creeping in, I encourage you to seek help. According to my midwife, lack of sleep (at least 4 hours at a time) and lack of support are the two huge contributors to PPD. Sometimes it is hard to tell whether it’s PPD or severe sleep-deprivation, but often, they go together. I did not have to be on meds, but having a diagnosis and knowing that I had a problem, that I wasn’t a terrible mom because I cried all the time or because I was less than happy at being up all night made a huge difference and validated me. I started spending a lot more time in the sunshine and taking cod liver oil, and that helped. But what helped the most was sleeping again.
As far as discipline goes, 21/2 is a very rough age. All three of mine have been stubborn, high-needs kids, and I despaired of the first two EVER acting like civilized human beings, despite all my efforts at creative, consistent discipline. Plus, being short on sleep, I was also short on patience. If you hang in there, it WILL click.
Finally, don’t feel guilty at not loving every moment of the hard times. Having gone through infertility, I have experienced MAJOR guilt that I’m not enjoying my little ones in a particular moment. You love your children, and you WANT to enjoy them. Not sleeping takes the joy out of most things. I would like to see the most sainted Christian shouting “Glory” when they’re getting up for the eighth time in one night or when the baby is screaming murder for no apparent reason and nothing you do settles him. You’re human, and exhaustion DOES color our perspective.
I wish I could talk to you in person. You have my utter sympathy, and I hope you get some sleep soon.
What a beautiful encouragement, Lisa. I totally agree with everything you said. I suffered sleep deprivation as well. None of my children have been “easy babies” or good sleepers. Motherhood is definitely a blessing, but certainly has its challenges. It is very difficult to find joy in exhaustion! Amber, I pray you will get sleep soon.
Amber,
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. My first year with my son was crazy, and I never want to repeat it, which makes me sad. He slept usually in one and two hour chunks all night long, and naps were 45 minutes. He had some sort of gas/tummy issue that made him very prone to crying spells and I did soooo much rocking and walking and singing and bouncing I thought my arms were going to fall off sometimes. And yet you just go on, because there’s nothing more you can do. Even at 18 months old I can count on one hand the number of nights I have been able to sleep uninterrupted.
I ran across a site that looks like it’s Christian-based, that talks about natural remedies for depression. There’s an article specifically for postpartum moms too:
http://www.cure-your-depression.com/postpardumdepression.html
I hope maybe some of the information there might help you. In the meantime, please don’t beat yourself up at all, just know that right now you are doing the best you can. I know for me sleep is really tied to how I feel, and with many many compounded sleepless nights I felt depressed too. Even if you never have any more children, you are fulfilling your calling as a mother to bring forth life. Maybe as time goes on and your little ones get older you might feel more inclined to have more; but don’t pressure yourself, and know that you are not alone in your frustrations.
As for how some moms can be so joyous–I really believe a lot of babies are good sleepers, and then maybe one third of them (I really don’t know, just a guess) are poor to horrible sleepers. Whenever I discussed my sleep woes with friends who had babies, they would say something like, “Oh, my baby slept through the night at two weeks old,” and my shoulders would sag and I would think I must be doing something wrong. But I guess some of us just don’t get those wonder-babies, and we have to deal with the effects of sleep deprivation for what feels like forever.
Hang in there! You are doing great! Even if you aren’t a fountain of energy, my suspicions are that you are raising happy, healthy kids and that down the line, they will look back fondly on their childhood as they grow into well-adjusted adults.
Joy
Hi Amber,
Thank you for commenting – First of all, I’m so sorry about the lack of sleep – that effects everything! I’m praying your little ones fall into a pattern (SOON!) of sleeping in longer chunks for you. I find that lack of sleep is a major factor in helping us choose joy in our days. Some days, it’s hard enough when a full night’s sleep has been had to joyfully greet the day’s trials – and the lack of sleep only makes this more difficult. Being consistently reading God’s word in the morning even before I get out of bed has made my mornings/days go smoother as I’m reminded that God is all that we need for the day, he will provide us with strength and endurance for the day he has given us. Praying that for you… and that you find some solutions that work for you in regards to depression. I’m no expert on depression, but I’d imagine the lack of sleep isn’t helping matters. Big hugs to you, Amber. ~Amanda
Hi Amber, I have 3 and have gone through seasons like you have described. My first and 3rd were horrible sleepers and although I loved nursing and never thought in a million years I’d get bothered by it I came to a point of nearly pulling my hair out with my 3rd who not only wanted to nurse constantly attached throughout the night up until age 2 1/2 and beyond but at around 2 wanted to nurse throughout the day any time I began doing something with my other 2. That’s another subject but I was exhausted and often in tears during the night b/c I couldn’t sleep/hadn’t slept well in nearly 3 years and was feeling like a horrible mom b/c I couldn’t be a good mother to my other 2 children that missed the ‘old me’ and I couldnt and still dont know how she ended up so hard headed when I raised her the exact same as the other 2! AHH!
but, I do want to share a verse that has blessed my socks off this week with regard to discipline that seems to not be working (my nearly 3 yr old has me at wits end doing things my other 2 never dreamed of!)..
b/c sometimes I forget the ‘great patience and carefully instructing’ part of being a mom 
I’m not ‘preaching’ a sermon to my children but I’m walking it out in my house.
Anyway, you have already received lots of wonderful advice from people that have lived these types of seasons so I wont add to it by sharing my personal sleepless stories
It is James 1:5, I have read it and know it but I was just reading a book called ‘Lord, Change Me’ and the author encouraged the reader to ask God for HIS wisdom for any situation and HE will give it generously. The verse reads ‘But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him’
When I read that I set the book down and told God that He knew I loved my children and that it was my life long dream to be a mom, stay home with my kids etc..but my days seem to be spinning out of control with my 2 year old (causing me to neglect things with my 7 and 8 yr old) and I have no idea what I’m doing wrong but I need HIS wisdom for how to raise her to be a woman of God. Each morning for the past week I have been asking God to give me the mind of Christ, that of a servant, and to give me His wisdom anew every morning for how to manage my days, how to discipline, love and strengthen the children He has blessed me with and to give me the strength and grace I need in doing it. I have also written 2 Timothy 4:2 on my fridge, Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage- WITH GREAT PATIENCE and CAREFUL INSTRUCTION. Those are in all caps and highlighted on my notecard
Please dont feel alone in this season or that there is something wrong with you, many of us have had these seasons. Be encouraged and take the advice that others have shared and pray that His grace and strength bring you through
kathy
Hi Amber~
I read your post this morning and my heart goes out to you. I was in the same boat many years ago. I realize that most of your days probably seem to blurr into a gray haze, but let me encourage you. It will not last forever and there are things you can do to change your children’s sleep patterns for the better. I work at a local pregnancy center and two of the teaching DVD’s we use are called “Your Baby Can Sleep” and “Happiest Baby on the Block” (“Happiest Toddler on the Block” is avalable too) These have been tremendously helpful to other young mother’s whose children don’t sleep well. I believe that you can get these DVD’s at Amazon.com and also through Netflix. I hope this helps in some small way. You are not alone. May the Lord bless you and your little ones!
As a public health nurse, I regularly interact with young families. I have to admit that I do frequently use the line, “you must be busy” not because I devalue their families or their children but more to open conversation to assess how they’re coping and how we might be able to help them if they are overwhelmed. If people are perceiving this as being unsupportive, I will definitely consider changing my approach, but I certainly never intended it this way. Perhaps a more open question such as, “how are you finding mothering?” or “what struggles are you facing right now?” might be a better way to identify and address any issues.
Thanks for sharing this point of view, Carrie. And I wouldn’t worry about being perceived as unsupportive… this usually comes across in tone of voice and body language and it’s usually really evident! But I do like your ideas of open questions… get’s the women you’re working with talking! I like.
Thank you! This was very encouraging.
Thank you so much for this post! It was such an encouragement to me today!!
I agree with you that people in our society often look at children at career-stoppers or a financial sacrifice. How many times have we heard people say:
“Kids are too expensive”
“I’m focusing on my career before I have children”
“Our lifestyle wouldn’t be good for kids”
“We don’t have time for kids”
“Why does the XYZ family have kids they cannot afford”
Etc, etc.
Kids should be the focus and center of the family, not an interruption or added expense.
I recently had an awakenings about my kids…
I have a beautiful, well-maintained yard. The kids were digging big holes in my gorgeous grass. Yikes! My first reaction was frustration. Then I realized, “wait a sec. you bought this big yard so you could have kids play on it. let them play!”
I agree 1000% that children are a blessing from the Lord. I would love to have as many as possible! As someone who is really tall, though, and grew up hearing a lot of unoriginal comments about that, it does frustrate me when I see others taking uncreative kinds of instinctive comments in the worst possible light. I think its something that we as Christians can work on. First, I had to work on not relying so much on public affirmation – that should not hold such an important place in my life. Also, I needed to realize that people will say uncreative things and not mean harm at all – its just the first thing that pops out. I say uncreative things to others all the time and kick myself afterwards. Maybe others are always quick with a great response, but if not, maybe its time to not judge others quite so harshly and give them the benefit of the doubt. When I see the Duggar family of trips, I do think – wow they are busy, they have their hands full! – but I also think they are incredibly blessed and that being busy with kids and having their hands full is a terrific thing – they are not mutually exclusive! I also have no idea how they do it, but to me that is super positive. I would LOVE to have their awesome parenting skills! So I guess, maybe not judge others comments quite so harshly, realize that they may be actually positive, and maybe realize that we don’t always say the most creative things to others ourselves!
I like this encouragement not to be so judmental, and even not so sensitive! While I do believe that the attitude behind these comments at times communicates much toward the negative, I also can see that these are often the first thoughts on people’s minds simply because of what they’re used to being around and seeing, and what they’re not.. not through any fault of their own. I also wanted to point out that I learned a bit when going to the OBI for the first little while with my 5th child (on medicaid, no less, since with our small business we can’t afford insurance). If we are standing for something we are convicted of that many around us are not, we often do it with much awkwardness and an almost apologetic air about ourselves. I felt the Father tell me that if I truly believe that this is good, I need to show it with confidence. Not in “preachiness”, but in the way I carried myself. *This* is when the witness comes through for the truth of the matter. This is what makes people think that there might just be something here they had not considered.. Let us not “shrink back.” Heb 10:35 “Do not, then, lose your boldness, which has great reward.”
Good encouragement, Jessie!
Great post, Amanda! I have a three-year-old and a baby due in November, but even before I got pregnant with the second one, I’ve had complete strangers warn me how difficult it would be to go out in public with more than one child. Seriously? I think part of that is from the fact that my daughter is always very well behaved in public and they think I’ve somehow lucked-out in having an “easy” to handle child. The truth is, my husband and I have been very diligent in training her, but we’ve only had two comments from strangers (two very elderly ladies who’ve been around the block a few times) about what a wonderful job we’re doing. It took nearly two years to get pregnant with our first daughter and over two years to get pregnant with this baby, so we are very aware of what a blessing children are!
Wonderful!! And I thought I was the only one who thinks grocery shopping with my kids is fun. I sometimes go when we don’t really need anything just to get out of the house.
So refreshing to hear of children being a blessing from the Lord. They make our lives brighter and full of learning experiences for us. May you keep enjoying the family God has blessed you with.
I loved this post! I couldn’t agree more from beginning to end!