Republished from the Archives…
Did you know that there are many ways you can love your man without even saying a word? This is one list of creative ideas to get you going, but certainly don’t be limited to these suggestions. Use your creativity and love on that man!
- Clean Laundry – clean socks, clean t-shirts, and clean under garments folded & put away. A simple service but keeps the man happy.
- Warm Bread, Favorite Meal, and a Cold Beverage (or just a nice dessert) waiting on the table when he comes home. (Maybe not necessary every night. I aim for a special meal or dessert once a week.) Serve him a candlelight dinner every once in a while!
- Not nagging during those times when he needs to rest and relax to be doing something else. Give him thirty minutes after he returns home to just rest and not demand his help with the kids, take out the trash, or some other service.
- Not nagging period.
- Not nagging about your period.
- Smiling when your eyes meet his.
- Washing his truck, car, motorcycle…whatever his big boy toy might be. (Bonus points for cleaning the interior too ladies!)
- Stopping whatever “busy” work you might be doing to just sit and join him in whatever activity he is doing. Does he like puzzles, books, building things, playing music, watching football? We need to stop considering these interests to be a burden and learn to enjoy doing them with our husbands. This is one of the best ways to build your marriage…to simply enjoy being with him! When we stop to enjoy what they enjoy, it will grow to become our delight as well!
- Hold his hand whenever you can. Be it the mall, the grocery store, the neighborhood, or at church. Just whenever you can.
- Get to bed before him, take a nice warm bath, put on some perfumed lotion, something frilly or whatever you know he likes and wait.
- Schedule in times to rest. If our schedule is so full, my hubby tends to get really stressed out. A simple service to him is scheduling in periods of rest (whether it be a weekly Sabbath or vacation trips throughout the year).
- Greet him at the door with a smile and a kiss. How often do we get caught up in dinner preparations that we don’t even notice our husband’s return? Make a habit of stopping at the sound of his footsteps and give him a welcoming smile and kiss!
Thanks to ElizabethSue for the original list!
Do you have an idea to add to the list? Please share!
hahahahahahaha
If I suddenly start acting like this it’ll freak my husband out. I can just see him panicking, thinking “did I forget a birthday/anniversary, etc? What does she want from me that she’s acting like this?” This advice is sweet but it belongs in the reality of the 1950′s.
This is outdated and sexist! You have moved the women`s movement back 60 yrs! Are you kidding? Why isn’t he having to help? Why isn’t he doing these things for the woman, who does most of the work?? What are you teaching girls? That we are less then a man? I hope you never have daughters who think that they are less then a man! shame on you! God make us all equals, not outdated female slaves to a mans whims.
This post is could be summed up in 1 sentence: ”Woman get my beer!” Well, post says ”cold beverage” not beer, yeap I realised it.
Come on, I expected more from americans. This advices are really arabic.
This is nuts. A marriage is a partnership, not indentured servitude.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, your wife is totally lucky that you don’t expect her to Stepford her way into your heart.
Basically, don’t be a bitch, make dinner once in awhile and let him be an individual. There’s no reason why he shouldn’t do the same for you. People eat, rest and have hobbies. TV and McDee’s aren’t always the best option.
When did women stop cooking and what was that skill replaced with after the feminism movement? Personally, I love cooking for my fiance because I know that I’m taking care of him and he appreciates it because he knows that I worry about his general well being.
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These ideas are so simple and things we can do every day.Thanks for sharing this
I love all of these suggestions. My husband and I have been married for just over two months. My biggest issue during this transition into being a wife is that I work full time and I just can’t do all of these things. I do the majority of the work at home right now, and it’s wearing me thin. One person just can’t do everything while working full time. My husband helps me a lot with chores like cleaning and laundry, but the biggest everyday jobs (finances and meal prep/grocery shopping) are things that he isn’t as skilled in as I am. I love doing these things for my husband, but I find myself feeling incredibly frustrated as I work so hard every day and my weekends are consumed with more work at home trying to make food for the week, etc. I don’t have much time for myself or to spend with the Lord (I try to read my Bible while blow drying my hair in the morning…it works, but it’s not ideal). I’m sure I could learn to manage my time better, and I’m working on that, but does anyone have any advice for someone in my situation? I truly desire to be a servant for my husband and to make him happy so we can have a loving marriage that is pleasing to the Lord. It is just really difficult right now with where we are at in life.
I’ve been married for a year, and work full time. One of the main lessons I’ve learned is that I can’t do it all! Because I work full time, we eat out more than if I stayed at home. Right now, my husband usually makes dinner one night a week. Is it the same thing that I would make? Not necessarily, but it’s always good, and it gives me a break. I’ve also learned to say no to many church things, and other things that I’d like to do more (exercise, reading, social time) because making time to be at home is more important. Both you and I have chosen to exchange at least 40 hours a week for a paycheck. This means that right now we don’t have time to go to 3 grocery stores to get the best deals, or to take advantage of every great free opportunity. Even though we might not like it, when we said yes to one thing (our jobs), it means that we are saying no to other things.
I’d encourage you to tell your husband that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and ask him to help you figure out where you should invest your time, and where you can let it go for now. For the first few months of our marriage, I felt like I was drowning in the expectations I had for myself. Thankfully, God and my husband have helped me to prioritize what is important, and when it’s okay to have a large pile of laundry on the couch.
My man is happy and he treats me like gold.
This is what makes him happy;
Food, and lots of it.
Sex, lots of this too.
Keep it simple
Do whatever he asks with a smile and a yes! Then, look in in satisfaction at the pure sign of pleasure on his face
GREAT post!
Well just remember that every circumstance is different so maybe it is best not to make assumptions. What I was sharing was actually from a Christian father about how he would come home from teaching and relieve his wife from the babies. Nowthat is the servant-leadership of Christ, is it not?
Some of the things that are supposedly “loving” things are just normal chores for me – it’s hard to get excited about them! I make three homemade meals a day, I keep up with the laundry, I keep a clean house, etc.
A couple things I do for my hubby every now and then is pack his lunch (maybe throw in an extra treat that I picked out especially for him at the grocery store) and leave a little love note inside. Every week I make a new homemade snack for his lunch – apple cake, granola bars, banana bread, whatever.
Two years ago for Valentine’s Day I made him a little book of cards (made from a deck of playing cards) filled with different reasons why I love him. I keep this on the bedside table, and every now and then turn it to a new page. He likes seeing what I’ve chosen to display!
Thank you for this. In our culture, it seems that people rarely consider how to love others, but instead think about how to make others love them. How important it is for Christians to learn to love well – to spill our lives out as an offering to God, no matter the cost.
Lately I’ve been trying to learn the little things that bother my husband – like a messy stovetop – and be more attentive to them. It can sometimes seem like a burden, or like I’m trying to earn his love… but when I forget myself and just focus on loving him and being grateful for him, our marriage benefits so much! I’m learning to stop grumbling in my head as I go through my daily tasks, and give thanks instead.
These are all great ways to show love to our men. Thank you for this great reminder!!! My husband particularly loves for his laundry to be clean and especially for his sock drawer to be stocked and orderly
One more I would like to add (because I hear this from lots of women) is do not complain, grumble or nag when you husband buys you (or does not buy you a gift). If he bought something less than wonderful for you, be blessed and assume that he did the best he could he thought of you in some way………
My dear sweet husband is not a gift giver, it took me a little time to understand that, now I am thrilled at the times he does (once every 3-4 years) and yes I was blessed with the batteries and battery holder he gave me that was the best he was able to do and I thanked him for it. Be grateful.
Teresa
I love this list, Lindsay! I especially like #6. It is so simple and easy, and it makes such a difference. I would say #8 is the one I really need to work on. Until the kiddos go to bed we all hang out together, but in our spare time, my hubby loves to play video games. Honestly, they just don’t interested me.
I had to laugh at the comments about the comfy clothes vs. dressing up. My husband really likes when I wear sweats and t-shirts. When I asked him once how I should do my hair, he said, “I like when it’s in a ponytail, but half pulled through, like when how it is when you’re cleaning.”! I’m so thankful for my husband and his low expectations! Some of the things I know he likes best are: yummy, healthy food prepared for him, texts throughout the day, and a happy home. Neat and tidy is kind of lost on him, he doesn’t care, so I just try to focus on the things that make the biggest difference to him.
So great! I think the little things make all the difference in the world to our hubbies!
Cute! Make sure he gets a kiss on the lips! Dad
So this list wasn’t a joke?
Wonderful reminder! Thanks for all your awesome posts! Such an encouragement!
#1. would definitely keep my man happy. For him, it would also be:
1. Cleared countertop
2. Cleared desk
3. Cleared table
4. Cleared floor
5. Cleared, well basically, surfaces of any kind.
and a clean bathroom too.
And, if miracle happens, all these things are achieved, he would probably like #10 too…
Just inviting you to try flylady.net for the messy house. I am going through it and really like it.
I asked my husband what he appreciates the most when he gets home. He said, “when you have a joyful attitude.” So, for him, if picking up the house, putting makeup on, etc. makes me happy, than it makes him happy too.
We rarely buy cereal because of the expense, but the other week I found a coupon for my husband’s favorite kind. So, I bought him a box when I did the grocery shopping. He was working an overnight shift that night, so I left it on the kitchen counter with a note saying, “I bought you this cereal because I love you.” (A reference to a line we both loved from the movie Up). It was a fun way to show him I was thinking of him and to “greet” him after his 12 hour shift even though I was already at work. I noticed that even after the cereal was gone, he kept the note
Thanks for the great ideas!
I would add “Sit with him while he tinkers with his ‘toys’”. My husband likes to work in his woodworking shop in our garage, and he loves it when I take interest in what he’s doing and just sit and watch him, even if we’re not talking.
This is a great list to get started thinking of ways to serve our husbands. Everyone will need to cater it to the needs of her own family. My husband, for instance, wouldn’t know what to do with himself if I insisted he take a 30-minute break when he gets home because what he *wants* to do is play with our boys and talk to me. He would also wonder if I’d lost my mind if I were dressed up just for him. But it’s still a great place to start and figure out the best ways to serve them!
This is so sweet and wonderful to read. I love when woman lift their husbands up and appreciate them. Cheers!
So important and yes so easily forgotten.
Thanks for the reminders!
These are great & I love Allyson’s additions, too.
How about this one
-don’t say a word about the mud tracked in the house, or the clothes left in the bathroom or the toothpaste on the floor, or whatever aggravates you!
Why do these ideas assume that I get home before my husband?
Only 2 of them mention that, Stef. All can be modified for your own schedule, I would think.
My husband would be a very happy camper with number one. He might pass out if I did the rest! I better get to it!
I agree completely with 3, 4 and 5!! Especially when he does not show up for 2, 10, and 11. I use to try to have a nice warm dinner for him, but he shows up sometime between 6 and 1 A.m. (from work) with no notice. I gave up years ago trying to find out exactly when it was way to frustrating for both of us:). Yet, I do show him I love him through other ways, and there is really nothing on our tiny five acre farm he is responsible for I do it all for him inside and out …. I am pretty sure he appriciates that so less stress for him.
What a wonderful post, and what great suggestions from all the readers! It is so easy to get wrapped up being a mother and homemaker, and neglect the little things I can do to make my husband feel loved and appreciated. I’ll add a couple more ideas:
~Physically show your husband how much you love him (you know what I mean) at least once/week. This is a lifelong goal of mine, as it always helps him feel loved. I have to fight the internal battle to not let myself off the hook with excuses such as “I’m too tired” or “it’s too hard to make it happen since we co-sleep with the kids”). It will help you feel more loving towards your husband too!
~Don’t be afraid to tackle “man” chores around the house. My husband works hard to support our family and allow me to stay home with the kids, so I try to make sure he has as few chores at home as possible. So whenever possible, I take out the trash, hang up curtain rods (using power tools is fun anyway!), take recycling and cardboard to the recycling center (we don’t have curbside recycling yet), and mow the yard!
This really convicted me…I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been guilty of being frustrated about something my husband is doing because it isn’t really how I want to spend our time…when instead I should see it as an opportunity to be with him. A gracious reminder…thank you
I love this post. Great tips!
#2. Just a thought…drinking cold things w/food is not good for your digestion. You should drink something room temp, and then have something hot afterwards, ever wonder why people have coffee/tea and dessert? Drinking nothing w/your meal is ideal.
#3. Not all husbands want time to themselves when they come home. My husband knows I work hard and wants me to relax for a spell before dinner. So I would suggest asking your husband how he feels about it.
#11. So agree w/that one! We have a family nap time every Sunday. Everyone goes and either sleeps in their beds, or plays quietly in their own rooms. Mommy and Daddy also gets some “special time” then too! Who says you only do that at night?! Switch it up ladies!
I don’t feel this is the place to tell people how or when they should eat or drink. The point of this post isn’t about food or drink or health; it’s simple suggestions that leave it up to the reader how to carry it out using their own *individual* preferences.
I think Danielle B was referring to what is scientifically best for metabolism, digestion, etc – not just a personal conviction. Maybe I will try it more. I have heard of that before – especially for people with chronic diseases like Celiac’s disease, fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, et c.
Danielle B., I also agree that #3 rubbed me the wrong way. Physically, right now I am at home with an infant and preschooler, and my husband has a desk job. So he knows I need his help when he comes home. I need a break too at that point! Maybe as we get a better home schedule, and of course as the babies grow, this will be alleviated a bit.
But as a wise older dad shared at a marriage seminar recently when posed a question about trying to balance submitting to husband as unto the Lord when I am “in charge” of the home the rest of the day, all he said in response was, “When I come home from work, all I know is that Kris needs a break. So would take the babies and ask her what she needs…” Thanks, dads!!
The greatest among us will be servant of all; we are to love as Jesus loved and serve as He served; we are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord. But our husbands are to serve us as Christ served the Church, laying down His life for us. We are our men’s precious posessions, the wives of their youth. I don’t think that is supposed to take the form of their servants in every capacity, atleast when it is beyond our physical capacity to do so. Maybe this just rubs me the wrong way a little because, like I said, I am in the exhausting no-spare-time phase of life with a teething baby to carry around all day. So I need his help more than he needs mine. With physical chores. He needs me more than I need him in the emotional, intimacy realm, however. We each have different needs. And hopefully we will be being obedient to Christ and letting the Holy Spirit keep us full so we can fill the other, and not rely on them. I love so many of these suggestions!
Lindsey and PH, I thank the Lord every time I think of you. You are a timely blessing and help to our generation of women!
@ Sarah
Bothering your husband as soon as he walks in the door isn’t the best in most instances.
My mother always let my father change his clothes, eat dinner, and then relax for about 20 mins after eating before starting in with the “honey-do” list.
Nobody wants to come home from sitting in traffic, starving, needing to go to the bathroom and then get the “honey-do” list throw at him. I think this is what Linsday was trying to get at. Yes, we need a mental break after taking care of the kids all day, but not the minute he walks through the door.
Anyone who’s still following, I’m sorry that I was frustrated in one of my last comments (which I think got deleted). Maybe I thought better of it and didn’t post or something. I don’t know.
I’d like to recommend Laura Ziesel’s blog to those who haven’t seen it. I think she believes in “egalitarian” marriages (i.e., mutual submission without the wife submitting more), so I’d disagree with her on some things. But I thought that this post was timely. It closed with this: “We should just use caution that the husband (or father) is not the only one acting like Christ while everyone else reaps the rewards.” It’s great that we have Christlike husbands. But we need to be sacrificial to them as well, which was the aim of this blog post. (I know men aren’t doing everything they should be, and I’ve seen some known leaders lambast men for this, so they aren’t going to get it from me, at least not now.)
http://www.lauraziesel.com/2009/08/men-women-in-church-part-5-princess.html
If you and your husband have a routine that already works for you, then I am sure there is no need to be bothered by a suggestion that would be overwhelming to one party or the other. If you aren’t in agreement, you should seek godly counseling if you aren’t able to work it out on your own. (And there is no shame in this! My husband has called someone else more than once; we’re human and we fight!)
I realize it’s been over a year and hopefully everyone has grown. But this is a little disappointing. This forum is for discussing how we can LOVE our HUSBANDS. The idea that they need to be doing for us should be discussed elsewhere, in my opinion.
Are men selfish? YES! We all are. But nearly everywhere I look, I observe a general shaming of men for never getting it right. Everyone knows how hard the mom’s job is, but the dad usually gets nothing but criticism (if not outright condemnation). Here, the dads are getting praise, maybe, but it seems conditioned on *them* serving when they come in the door.
Instead of just acknowledging how wonderfully unselfish they are being, why not take it a step further and see if we can meet that unselfishness with a sacrifice of our own–”Oh, thank you, honey, but you’ve been working for 10 hours. Just sit down while I finish getting supper, and you can help a little later after you’ve rested.”
Great advice as usual! Especially the laundry, that is huge for my hubby!
I always aim to have a freshly aired or laundered towel in the bathroom for my husband for his shower in the morning . I like to keep a supply of his toiletries in the cupboard so that he never needs to ask when something runs out.
I think my husband is wonderful
Cath, I love it! Great ideas.
* Make his lunch for him to take to work the next day
* Ask his opinion on what meals to make next week (ok, not a silent way, but…)
* Make sure he never runs out of things (deodorant, coffee, creamer he likes, etc.)
* Put love notes in his lunchbox or on his steering wheel
* Send random “I respect your hard work” texts
My hubby is a truck driver, so he leaves before I get up in the morning and frequently gets home as I’m going to bed, so these are things I can do even when he isn’t home…
Love your list and your encouragement to love our husbands!!
I like sending those kind of text messages, too!
I definitely agree! I especially need to work on #1,#2, & #11! I also really like & need to implement Allyson’s comments. They are all the desires of my heart. I’m just really struggling to find the self discipline! As much of an excuse as it is, I’ve really had trouble transitioning from a child who was completely spoiled (my mom waited on me hand & foot, literally) and never had chores (I didn’t wash dishes or cook once…until I was married!)…to a good stay at home wife/mother who does housework. I desperately want it, and I need to kick this ingrained laziness in the butt!
June, I absolutely know where you’re coming from. My advice would simply be to pray about it. God wants to hear the desires of our hearts! When I started praying about my marriage, everything improved. And it all started with God changing my attitude.
Thanks, Heather. I have been praying about it… Honestly, praying is something else I always relied on my mom for. I just recently started praying for myself, instead of calling her and asking her to, when I had my daughter 8 months ago. I feel pretty out of sorts when doing so, and I’m still learning how. It’s taking a lot of practice to keep my mind on track when I’m praying, instead of wondering off in the middle of a sentence. I’ve been praying for discipline and motivation, I’ll pray for “an attitude change” as well. Thanks.
Great ideas!
I’d add:
~ Dress nicely at home, even if he’s the only adult you’ll see all day. He may get a little tired of t-shirts and sweats
~ Do a quick clean-up of the main living areas right before he gets home. Have the kids help clean up their toys, books, etc.
~ If he’s working hard outside, bring him something to drink.
~ Teach your children to serve him. (take him a drink, put his shoes away, bring him the paper, etc.)
I always noticed, when I was younger, that my mom “dressed up” for when my dad would come home. I thought that was really neat. In my own marriage, I do that about 50% of the time, and wear “comfy” clothes the rest of the time– because my husband finds either option equally attractive! haha
I asked him if he’d prefer me to dress up more, but he actually said no, he likes both. That surprised me, but hey, I’m not complaining! So I just try to keep a balance.
Haha! My hubby is the same way, but I used to always dress up for him. I’m pregnant right now and I find that my maternity clothes just aren’t as comfortable as sweats and so I have my “lounge” sweats (you know the unnecessarily baggy, but oh so comfortable) and my “dress-up” sweats (a little more form fitting and flattering) and found some nice maternity shirts that match… it makes me feel a little more attractive (and still comfortable) and less like I’m wearing PJs all day while he’s hard at work.
My husband is the same way. He’s told me that he actually prefers me to be in comfy clothes because when I dress up it makes him feel uncomfortable around me – he’d much rather see me in fitted yoga pants and a t-shirt. It works out well because I *hate* dressing up.
I guess it just goes to show that it’s important to ask your husband what will bless him… and not assume that because other men like something, he will too! Of course there are some common things that you can count on… but I think that men have just as many individual quirks as women, and you’ll never know unless you ask. Yay communication
Rebekah, I agree that all men are different, even though we try to stereotype them. For example, my husband does not think about sex 24 hours a day like some do. It still seems strange to me (after 7 years of marriage) that I have the stronger drive. It feels backward.
However, I do know that my husband desires for the house to be clean, for his clothes to be clean and ironed, for supper to be prepared soon after he arrives home (and what he likes to eat), and he desires for me to take interest in his hobbies and spend time with him.
Several of you hit it on the head when you said that each woman needs to assess what your own husband would appreciate, depending on his personality, his job, your job, your family structure, etc. It’s a shame that some feel the need to criticize Lindsay’s posts or others’ comments.
Love your ideas, Allyson! These would work well in my household.