Amber asked:
I am expecting a new baby girl in May and I also have a daughter that will be two years next month. I am trying to think of some things that will keep my older daughter busy and not bored for those couple months after the new baby’s arrival when it will be hard for us to get out of the house and my attention can’t be on her 100%. Any suggestions?
Sounds like you are in the same boat I am, Amber. For me, I am always seeking to give my daughter plenty of time to explore and learn how to entertain herself. I think this is a place to start, removing ourselves from the mindset that we must provide them with entertainment. Karis has lately been entertained for quite some time with the large cardboard box that we received in the mail the other day. This may just very well be a new season to allow them to explore and develop their creative abilities.
I am thinking it may be wise to have a good supply of books and crafty things (simple paper, crayons, playdough, etc) on hand that she can explore with without much supervision. I would imagine they will also just want to spend a lot of time with the new baby, so it may not be so necessary to find other entertainment. Knowing my Karis, she absolutely loves babies and I want her to have time to really nuture her sisterly and motherly instincts. I have no doubt she will want to be near me when we change diapers and take care of our baby.
We would love to hear from our readers on this one! I would love to hear thoughts on how to remain on top of being consistent with discipline as well during this new baby season?
I’ve actually found entertaining and disciplining easier the more children I have (we have four, their ages now are 8, 6, 4 and 2 next month). Our most difficult transitions were going from no children to 1, and going from 1 child to 2. It is strange to get the hang of learning how to feed a very hungry toddler while cleaning up a very large diaper mess, or even just having to nurse your newborn *now*. A 2 year old, and a parent too, that isn’t used to having to tell the 2 year old to “wait”, can be uncomfortable. I know I was! You get used to it, and you realize that they can wait 15 minutes for lunch. Or they can just lay down on the couch next to you and nap, or whatever. I also found that I wasn’t willing to wait on discipline issues, I was more strict. I said something once, and if they did not listen, I got up and made the child obey. Which of course only helps them obey more consistently. I’ve always subscribed to the idea that our children are people (really, some people don’t act this way toward their children) and they are an important part of our families and that they will put time and work into our family, just like I and my husband will. So as they grow, we require them to do more work, and to help and communicate more within our family. So our older kids are always our helpers. They help with everything with the new babies. From fetching diapers, to bringing mommy lunch or water in bed that first week after giving birth, to bringing the baby toys or covering him/her up with a blanket. We let them be very involved, and I think this helps with a very smooth transition. In fact, we’ve never had a jealous sibling problem – even with our 4yo who is very “high needs” and always has been. I never found that our kids were bored when I had subsequent children. We have homebirths, and they’re there and I don’t leave the house and they can be as involved as I want them to be (and they want to be) from the beginning. They can cuddle up in bed with me, or on the couch, and I am almost *more* present simply because I have more downtime in the following months. We read more books and are able to play more. I think you will find the transition to be very smooth!
I have two little BOYS!!!!
One three year old, one who is a one year old. My three year old is VERY active, so when his baby brother was born, I had him “help” me as much as possible with his brother. My three year old brought me diapers, pulled out wipes for me, picked up his toys, brought me blankets…. I carried my new baby in a pouch around the house a lot, so I was able to work my my three year old (2 years old at the time) more. When I needed sleep, I would sleep in the living room on the couch, while the baby was asleep in my bedroom, and then my oldest son would play around me.
Staying on top of discipline? This is harder than one might think. I made it a point to administer discipline quickly (quicker usually), if I was nursing the baby, trying to rest, or had my hands full at the time. Quicker, I say, not harsher. My strong willed oldest son would have run me down and quickly caught on to being able to get away with more things when I had my hands full with the baby. It was still a struggle, but we managed, and now I have two delightful little boys.
Congrats to you, and blessings on your new little one coming soon!
TJ
It’s hard to remember how it was when I had only small children. It’s so different now that I have both older and younger ones. (nine children, ages 2 to 19) 1. One thing that was vital to me was a consistent naptime for everyone. Baby eventually worked into the afternoon nap slot. Every one must be quiet in bed for a certain amount of time. Sometimes I set a timer.
2. If you feel the need and there is any way to get help, do so. It is especially busy for moms who home school and have all young children. Maybe you could arrange with a mature home schooled pre-teen to watch the two year old while you do your bills or whatever you need to do. (Pre-teens sometimes are glad to work for cheap!) Or she could cook up some hamburger ahead and put it in the freezer. We had an adopted “Grandma” come in once a week and home school the kids while I shopped. I think in the “old days” families worked together and grandparents lived with their kids and were there to hold babies and so forth.
3. Like I said, it is so different when there are older children who can help. In our family everyone loves the baby. So many stop after a few children and never know the joy of enjoying a new baby when you have a lot of help. With my last several babies, I’d often have to assert myself “I had him. I get to hold him!” (smiley face). (I can have someone make dinner or watch the little ones while I nap or shop. It’s awesome). And how good a baby is for a young person. It’s sweet to see a young man in his teens, come home from college or work to get his “baby fix”. Maybe this is too much in the future to think about, but I thought it might be worth mentioning.
Such wonderful tips! I am hoping God will bless us soon with another child, I will keep everything in mind, even if my daughter will be older.
I just post on my blog a recipe for homemade playdough, it can be entertaining for a toddler and quiet frugal.
blessings
An idea I’ve heard of is to give the older sibling a baby doll as a gift with baby care items like what Mommy will use so she can take care of her baby doll alongside Mama.
Also, I think it was very helpful to allow the oldest sibling to hold the baby almost as much as he/she wants at the very beginning. Sit the child on the floor surrounded by pillows so at worst the baby might roll an inch. Closely supervise and praise the pieces out of them! This seems to take the “forbiddeness” out of the baby and engender more helpfulness. I think freaking out about a child touching a baby is a sure way to fuel either envy or a make the baby a prize they will long to bug.
Our first two are 20-months apart and with the initial holding and a special gift from the baby, we didn’t have sparks. Now when our daughter got old enough to edge in on brother’s toys, we had work to do. A long-time baby nurse once told me that ages 18-22 months seems to be the age when a child is still unaware enough that jealously will not be at the high it will be a with a 2-year old.
I have to agree with many that said to have a schedule of sorts that is followed, if possible, several months before the baby comes. If a carseat is going to move do that early and even let the baby seat ride around so they are used to it. We have never done free play all day so that they do know that Mommy is directing the day. I did end up resorting to carefully screened videos for one nursing period a day. My son was innocently coming up to me and startling the baby out of nursing right when we were working so hard on getting latching down. I planned the first nursing before my son awoke. Others were done during planned “table time.” (I had some toys I did not want to chase pieces to and I wanted to encourage being still and involved.) Then Dad was home. Some Moms are able to read books to the sibling while nursing but I’ve never managed that.
“Special” toys were lacing beads, lacing shapes, crayons, washable markers, stickers, lacing shapes, peg puzzles and special books (flaps, pop-ups, etc). As they’ve gotten older, magnets on tins have fascinated them. I used to teach preschool, so I already had many of these things. I also did one session of one on one per day with brother (bouncing ball, measuring ingredients, etc.)in addition to reading while the baby was down. Having a schedule was the only thing that kept the day from floating away from me with nothing done. And like you mentioned, any new container or different object becomes a new play object for several days and then goes to recycling. Also, having different activities in different areas of the house in an option. We go to the basement every morning while I work on laundry and they are playing with “downstairs” toys. It breaks the day up for them. The times when discontentment rears its head is when they’ve been on their own with no breaks.
I hope this helps. They are happy to play on their own, but I think a bit of structure and times when Mama knows they are staying put are wonderful tools for keeping things flowing and not just surviving.
Bless your hearts! Your children are so blessed to have concerned and proactive mothers like you all! What I’ve found with my kids when we brought new babies home, and this will come to no surprise, is that they still want the same attention that they were getting before! As hard as it was to take just a few minutes several times a day, it REALLY was very beneficial to everyone to assure the other kids they were still your babies too. A little time goes a long way. Daddy can even take the others out on individual dates every once in a while to reassure them too. You will be surprised how quickly every one adjusts. It’s important for them to feel wanted to. Let the “help” in their own special way with the new baby. I cannot stress enough…don’t you dare feel guilty about popping in a kid’s video every once in awhile to give yourself a half an hour to catch your breath!!! It’s such a quick stage, you will all do beautifully! God is so good!
i just had my third baby in may. my oldest was one month shy of 3 years old and my second was 20 months old. and something that helped me a lot was realizing that i dont have to entertain my kids, and that is not the goal God has for us. i just stopped thinking of what we could do today, and started working with them. they unload the dishwasher, help me wash the diapers. and we just play together while doing the chores. we sing and dance a lot. we color or do play dough. we make graham crackers or dinner together. we dont plan alot. and we are at home alot, but my kids are happier when we are just working together in our home or gardening. i also dont plan a lot of outings, but they just work around the babies nap. when she wakes up we go on a walk and look for bugs. basically we are just enjoying the simple everyday things which may be boring to some, but we enjoy it. Isaiah 40 verse 11 says that God will gently lead the nursing ewes, so let Him gently lead you into what is best for your family, and what i have found is simplicity and a slower pace of life is best for us. God Bless.
I am expecting my 10th child in April. When each baby arrives, there is a bag of surprises for the other kids. I shop through the pregnancy and find things for each of them. I’ve packed their surprises in new-to-them duffel bags or purses or I think a few were even in tackle or tool boxes. They get small games, some candy, maybe an outside toy. Think of the concept of a Christmas stocking in terms of small gifts and variety.
When we announce a pregnancy now, the younger kids start wondering what their presents will be “from the baby.” I always pass these out at the hospital when the kids come to see me and the baby. So that new one gets out on a good note already with some good PR.
The other thing I do when a little one needs attention is that, as much as possible, I pass off the baby to a trusted person (older sibling or visitor) and snuggle the little one rather than have someone take the little one out and away from me.
We still have our moments, but the children do adjust. And having a large family has been such a blessing.
Addy, I love what you have to say. I’m expecting my 3rd in September, and all my kids will be about the same ages as yours when #3 comes along. I have been suspecting for a while that I need to change my focus from “entertaining” my girls to just including them in what I do around the house: laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. I think it will be challenging, but rewarding in the end. Thanks for bringing this up. I love the reminder to enjoy simple blessings around us. God Bless.
I am on my sixth pregnancy and all my babies have been close together. One thing that I think is key is involving your child/children in the excitement now. We talk often (early on) about the arrival of the new one. We talk about what a blessing it will be to have a new sibling. And of course we emphisize how small and fragile the baby will be at first and how much help mama will need. We really pump up the importance of being the big/brother big sister. We talk about what they can help with (getting diapers, giving toys, talking to the baby and holding the baby:with help). Then, it has been my experience that when baby arrives they are so interested in the baby, that they forget how things used to be. If they are a part of welcoming and the care of thier new sibling they feel special and included. Involve them when you change or feed or play with the baby. Keeping the toddler close by is a great prevention of behaivioral problems. Yes, it is important that they are trained to have independent play. And I think that subject has been sinifigantly covered. I just wanted to bring in the aspect of involving your toddler and making them a part of the arrivial of this new blessing.
I noticed that you updated your cloth diaper post to say that you were a little disappointed w/ the way they were (or should I say, weren’t) holding up. I have a 22 mo. old that is in Bum Genius now, but I’ve only been cloth diapering for about 9 months. I have another one due in June and was planning on ordering some more but if they fall apart I won’t.
Thanks.
So, I was just curious about what you were planning on doing? I’ve never used any other brand and hate to spend money trying others out incase I don’t like them? Just curious.
I still recommend the BumGenius. They served us well, I just was hoping they would have lasted longer than they did (but then again Cotton Babies never made any promises beyond serving one child through their diaper stage). They do have a good one year warranty which is a blessing, and if you have a good stash, they should be sufficient. (I recommend around 3 dozen diapers so as not to wear them down too quickly). I figured they were still more economical than any other method (besides prefolds) even if they just lasted through one child. My little gal seems to be growing out of them now though and she is only 22 lbs, but we are planning on potty training in the near future, so I think we should be good. The supply we have should serve us well into the next baby. I don’t think the Bum Genius will fit my infant, so I am going to use some simple unbleached prefolds and newborn covers for the first few months, then we will upgrade to the BumGenius.
Our daughter was 3 yrs and 3 months when her little sister arrived on the scene in September, and I think we had it a bit easier because she was really excited about the arrival of a sister, who she called “my baby”. So when I needed to do something with Baby I would say that to my daughter that I needed to go do x for your sister or your baby, so it was more in terms she could understand and frankly, it still sounded like it was about her, so that helped.
We also encouraged our daughter to help, even if it was helping to feed her by sitting on a pillow nearby, taking clothing to the hamper or sing a gentle song. It made her feel responsible and helpful, and our daughter is all about being helpful.
It will be surprising to find what your children can help with when given just a bit of gentle instruction. And if their “help” makes things take a little longer, well, it is worth if it makes everyone feel a little bit more loved and included.
With my sons, 19 months apart, I found that spending some quality time playing or reading with my older son FIRST THING in the morning made all the difference in the world. Even if it was only for 15 minutes without the baby being around.
Also, encouraging him in good ways that he could help with the baby or gentle ways that he could touch the baby helped set the tone for brotherly love.
I always let my oldest help out when my youngest was born. The hardest thing was I was SO TIRED and had the baby blues a little bit as well. I often had Christian children’s videos on hand for times when I just had to lay down and rest, those helped a lot. I let my oldest play and didn’t get too concerned about keeping all the toys put away all the time. I made sure to try to give both girls a nap at the same time and if my oldest was not tired then I would take out books for her to look at or coloring things while I rested or did laundry. She helped me fold laundry too and played cooking with pots and pans while I made meals. The time went by so fast but during that time I was always happy with any suggestions people offered me on how to keep both girls happy :0)
I really like all the ideas here. My son was two years and six days old when his little sister was born. If you have baby toys from when your first baby was born I would have them ready to come out when you get home from the hospital. My son played with the swing, exersaucer, and rattles for weeks non stop! Free entertainment. Now that I have two kiddos and am expecting my third in (gasp!) 9 weeks I am considering getting my toys washed up and ready for the next round of big kid play time. With Karis (or other girls) she will be able to use any baby dolls of her own to play in/ with these toys with too.
I also had #2 “buy” her brother a movie as a gift when she was born. He bought her a rattle. The gift exchange at the hospital was fun and #1 could watch Veggie Tales when I needed to get something done.
Good Luck!
With number three on the way in September I have been thinking through the way our oldest dealt with her first little sister. She had for a long while been on a good napping routine and was use to first time obedience, so fortunately we had very few problems those early weeks. The common balancing act was her wanting Mommy time when I was feeding the baby. I would have Lydia in my lap, feeding her, and Anna would come to me, “just put her on the floor.” She didn’t understand right away, but she was very compassionate when I explained that she could cuddle up with us and “help” me. She would hold the bottle up, and when Lydia was done eating, would love on her. For those first few weeks, I think the best advice I can give is not to underestimate the power of letting the older ones help. It is not child labor; it is making them feel very very important in a new way (just the way they like to help do dishes or feed you or “fold” laundry It won’t be perfect, but this patience will go a long way in developing their confidence. Instead of making this new life an intrusion on their life, it gives them a new purpose and a promotion to big sister/brother status.
This being said, I think the best preparatory things you can possibly do are to determine what you think will be the most prominent problems you will have with your older child. If bedtime is a struggle or picking up toys is a battle, focus on correcting that before the baby gets here. If you can fix one or two of those major hot points before the baby gets here, you will be much more relaxed, and the “little things” will be much easier to survive. For older siblings who are old enough to understand, it is also great to talk with them about the baby arriving and play up the good things, so they are excited about helping. For us, this almost completely distracted Anna from the “way things used to be” syndrome.
In order to keep Anna from having to change completely, I would always spend the time during Lydia’s morning nap specifically in an activity with her, often going outside for some fresh air. Dependable, enjoyable, and it gave it something to look forward to everyday. Each day involved different activities, but their was a flow of time with sissy, time with mommy, time all together, individual play time, naptime, and time as a whole family as soon as Daddy came home. During her individual play time and during part of the afternoon nap when both girls slept, I would catch up on housework. And for the remainder of their nap, I would catch a bit of shuteye myself. Keeping yourself as rested as possible and organized will be your best ally in making it through those inevitable points of contention without losing it.
My children were entertained by sitting on my lap while I nursed younger siblings. We all know that takes up a lot of our time:)
I would recommend getting a basket or container full of some fun “new” stuff. Like, playdough, crayons, colorful contruction paper, etc…keep it up and when baby comes there will be new things to play with.
Give the child a baby and rocking chair to love and care for at the same time you’re loving and caring for newborn.
Don’t be afraid to let your little one help you. Love, cuddle, get things for you etc…
Enjoy this time. Savor every moment!
Blessings:)
My oldest was 18 months old when her baby sister arrived. When the newness wore off for “big sister” – I still made a point of having some time every day (when I could manage) with JUST my oldest. When baby was napping, I would color with my oldest girl, read stories, sing songs – or just rock her. When it was warm enough to leave windows open, I felt comfortable taking my oldest outside to chalk color on the sidewalk or blow bubbles while baby was napping inside. It also gave us some fresh air and good fun.
We are also blessed to have my husband’s family close by, and Mamaw would come pick up Big Sister for some special time away, too. Mamaw took care of both girls when it was necessary for me to work – and having her in our lives lent some stability during all of our adjustments.
I napped with baby as often as I could – and now that they are 3 and 1, their competition for my attention is more obvious. There is no way to be “fair” but I try to have some focused attention with each girl every day – as well as time shared between them.
Katie, I love what you said. Thanks for your honesty, I can totally relate! My dd was 27 mo. when ds was born. Some of the best advice I got was to try and take some time (away from baby) to really focus on #1. When dad gets home, and baby’s “stable”, do the hand off and spend 20 minutes alone with #1.
It sounds weird maybe, but if you think about it, #1 has always lived in “your adult world”. The baby is really kind of an “intruder” in a sense. The new baby will never know anything different than being a younger sibling, and enters into #1′s world.
#1 needs to not so much be “entertained” as taught how to be helpful. A two year old can easily run to fetch a clean diaper or wipe for you, or help choose baby’s outfit for the day or jammies for that night. My dd LOVES to do this (still!). If you’re formula or bottle feeding, your #1 can easily shake the bottle to mix the formula and even help you feed the baby.
I found that the hardest part was keeping #1 out of trouble while I was nursing (hence the sling advice, above! It allows you to quickly help out #1 when needed). It was inevitable that once I would sit down to nurse #2, #1 would suddenly need to go potty and need to be wiped, or need a drink of water, etc.
So set up a special “nursing station” where you nurse your newborn. In it should be a special snack (healthy, of course, but unique to that time). You could also have a few special books that are only for during nursing time. If you are strict about no tv/movies like we are, you know that you can’t just rely on the tube to help you through this (but you could, I suppose, save a special video just for when you nurse).
Definately enlist the help of mothers-in-law, older girls you trust, aunts, etc. A few good friends regularly offered to take dd for a walk or to the park so that I could rest (I had the added bonus of recovering from a c-section with #2….that made things all the more challenging!)
The good news is that the time does pass faster than you’d ever think, and in the blink of an eye you’ll realize that the challenges you experience initially slowly fade away (and new ones come). Best of luck to you!
If you can master nursing in a sling, you’ll be SO glad you did! That allows you to have hands free for reading
When our second little one arrived it was great to have grandparents around. Since our families did not live nearby, we had lots of relatives stay with us for the first week or so. They really entertained my daughter, while I was given time to welcome our son. The little extra attention really helped during the initial time of transition. My daughter and I also read lots of books while I was nursing my son.
You’d be amazed at how quickly the elder siblings adapt to needing to find things to occupy themselves with. There were, however, moments when I had an 18 mo. old and infant crying in my lap at the same time, so I started crying myself! Right on, Lindsay, suggesting the alone playtime now, so that it won’t be such a huge transition – I think that’s key. As for consistency in discipline, sometimes you just have to put down the nursing baby to talk to the older one, and they also quickly learn the phrase, “When Mommy’s all done…”
Our oldest daughter and the new baby are almost exactly 2 years apart. Z’s bday is 9/26 and litttle C is 10/6. All I can say is- it is tough! Thank the dear God I love, we had the blessing of getting Z potty trained before the baby came-Yeah! She looovesss helping with the new baby. She got her own baby “C” that she carries around while I carry aroung my baby C. I even made her her own “Moby” wrap.Discipline has really been the hardest thing. She figured out pretty quickly that when I’m nursing or rocking the baby I can’t get to her as fast. I think what I have really learned is that she does “naughty” things b/c she wants my attention. I have tried to start setting aside special times thru out the day for one on one with her.It has helped. As a parent who is with my child consistently, I hadn’t noticed that she was improving- But we went to my dad’s- and he noticed right away that her behavior is much better.I just pray that my tiredness won’t contribute to impatience or lazineess in my duty of training her in the way of godliness. I pray that God will be my strength when I am so weak. I also pray that I won’t miss a thing- the baby days go by so fast!
My second little one is now 7 months old, so I feel far enough away from the terrors of “the transition” to comment! My son was 3 when he got a little sister, so that’s quite a bit different than 2 years apart, but I imagine some tips will be the same.
First, I’m ashamed of my frequent losses of temper during the first month (months?). It’s really hard to deal with a preschooler “pushing the envelope” when you’re sleep-deprived and hormonal. He and I would both start to lose it right before naptime and end up with major problems. So my lessons learned:
*PRAY more, beg the Lord for patience and wisdom. This is the first and most important step for any discipline, but especially the sleep-deprived kind.
*Know your danger zones. I wish I had realized earlier that I needed a new nap routine and had to start letting go of the expectation that my son would, in fact, nap. Things really cleared up once we established that he had to stay in bed during his lullabies, and once the music ended he was allowed to play quietly in his room until the clock read 4:00. No more boomerang boy out of his room fighting with me. This one might not work with a 2-year-old, but just don’t count on your toddler napping right after being presented with a permanent household intruder…
*We made lists. They are still posted on his wall. We thought of ALL the fun things we could do in these categories: “While sister is Nursing” “While sister is in the Sling/Awake” “While sister is Sleeping”. The half hour process of cuddling while making these (illustrated) lists was cathartic and healing for the both of us. The expectations were realistic for my son — no more begging to play hockey while I was nursing the baby. !! He could look on the “sleeping” list to see his favorite boy-summer-time activities and know when to look forward to them, and I was reminded to PLAY with him while sister napped and worry less about “getting stuff done” in the first 2 months. He also realized he had a lot of fun toys he had forgotten about because he couldn’t see them in the living room. “Go check your list” and “Is Sister sleeping yet!?” became frequent comments in our house that served to calm the transitional storm.
*Be ready for “mother bear” syndrome. I was so surprised with how angry I could become with my son, my first baby, whom I loved with all my being, if he did something that might endanger or awaken my newborn. I snapped at him if he ran too quickly by my rocking chair, if he started throwing a fit while she was sleeping, or if he jumped too exuberantly up on the couch while someone was holding the baby. This “mother bear” was super-protective of her newborn, and I had a hard time dealing with my feelings of anger/resentment toward my son. He’s really a good boy, and I wasn’t being very fair to him. He’s only 3, after all. I needed to set up some guidelines for him and lower my expectations, realizing that he probably wouldn’t, in fact, hurt his baby sister. Just take a moment to step back and evaluate the situation if you feel this happening to you!
*Seek a balance between treating the older child gently and treating them maturely. It’s easy to spoil the older child because you feel badly that their life has just been turned upside down because of the new baby. It’s also easy to pass off on their real feelings of replacement, fear, uncertainty, etc and expect the older child to be “tough” and be able to handle it. Interact sympathetically, but still with all the pre-baby consistency of your current discipline. I found myself saying often in conversation to other adults: “I just have to remember that he is still reeling from the effects of getting a baby sister.”
I hope these are helpful! I think it has helped me to realize, in the past month or so, that the storm is over. Our “transition” period did last 5-6 months, which is a bummer, but it certainly didn’t impact every day negatively. We’re about to enter a new transition phase, I’m afraid — baby sis has learned to crawl and will begin driving big brother nuts as she gets into “his stuff”!
Lindsay, I’ve been following your blog for about a month now as I learn the world of blogging and prepare to enter in! I love your attitude and great tips. I’ll have to let you know when my blog, Kitchen Stewardship, is ready to be revealed.
The focus is to give baby-step tips to help people balance their God-given gifts of time, money, health and earth as the work in the kitchen.
Katie, really great tips! I look forward to the reveal of your new blog.
These are great suggestions! My daughter was almost 18 months old when my twins were born, so I’ve been there. We had to structure everything–routine, routine, routine. I planned an activity to correspond with every nursing/feeding session: snack (she was strapped into her high chair), movie (1/2 hour Baby Einstein once a day), naptime for her, quiet play time for her, etc. Those first couple of months are an utter blur, but we made it! The three kids seem quite well adjusted now (the boys are 21 months and my daughter is 3 1/4). But anything you can do ahead of time to prepare yourself (activities on hand and the like) will help. If you’re only nursing one baby, you can also read to the younger sibling while you’re nursing.
As a mother of three 4 1/2 and under with another due in June, I can say from experience, that your ideas are great and it’s so great to see you seeking counsel before the baby comes. I would definitely recommend some kind of “babywearing” (sling, BJorn, or wrap). That made it possible to snuggle the baby and bond WHILST playing (or discipling) the toddler. Also I try to have them sit with me while nursing and get a little snuggle time in as well.
Blessings to you and your little ones!
The key to harmony during this time that I can’t emphasize enough is to be organized! Get your gear in place and start some type of schedule now. I had a basket all ready for my daughter (of independent activities) that I pulled out and that kept her busy while I was nursing and busy with the baby. There were crayons, special coloring books, an etch a sketch doodler, dressing dolls (great wooden dolls by Melissa and Doug…the clothes were magnetized and you can dress the wooden doll- this kept her very busy!), a pony with a brush (to brush her hair) and her own little baby doll. PS…I would often catch her “hooked up” to my breast pump…pretending to mimic me to feed her baby!!(All this at the ripe age of two!!) When it was time for me to tend to him I pulled out the basket. When we were done, the basket went away and we played with everyday toys. I also made it a point (or tried to every day at least) to sit down and do a special activity with her when the baby was napping or in the swing/papasan. I wanted to make sure she knew I didn’t forget her and that our activities together didn’t stop just because of the new baby. I had a craft bin set up with craft kits I purchased a few months ahead of time (got them for $1 and they contained everything we needed for a simple craft…like a foam craft, paint, dough, etc. that was simple enough) With discipline we had to set ground rules right away, because she was trying to pick him up, shove the paci in his mouth (in a choking manner!), and would want to do everyting herself. At two years old it was the time to start time outs, which were few and far between, but really helped if needed. Things were pretty smooth!! (And I was on my own 99% of the time…I had a repeat c-section, and my husband dropped me off at home and ran and coached a game that night…and hasn’t stopped since!!) The only tricky part I found was bedtime…they were both so fussy and needy at that point of the day. The first few weeks you’ll just be in “survival mode” as I refer to it…then you’ll get in to a groove and find what works for y’all. Looking back at the fun times we had (even during the chaos…you quickly forget!!) Makes me want to do it all again!! Good luck!
My daughter was 19 months old when Leo was born. The first weeks were a blur of activity but then the excitement of visitors quieted down and my husband headed back to work… suddenly it was just the three of us! A few things I were really helpful 1. I had a schedule for Isabella. It was a simple schedule that I could keep up and it helped her feel more confident in the face of all the changes. 2. I had a few new toys put away that I could bring out when I needed, and I also put away some of her toys so that they would feel new when I brought them out again. Although I am not a television person, I also checked out a few musical videos from our library. They did come in handy for the times I felt really overwhelmed. 3. I think the most important advice that I received was to give the older child your attention first. It seemed really unfair to me, but the fact was that Leo was pretty content with basic needs met at first, while Isabella had emotional needs that really called for Mommy…right away! When they were both fussing, I took care of Isabella first, and then the baby. It was only like this at the beginning, soon she got confident enough in my love for her that she learned to wait.
Something that really came as a shock to me was the way Isabella acted towards Leo. She is so gentle and loving with babies…really gets excited about them, so I thought she would be the same towards Leo. At first it seemed great, then a couple weeks into it she started hitting him. I could not leave them within reaching distance of one another. This lasted for months, I am not kidding. I just had to carry Leo in the sling whenever Isabella was awake. The problem was that she would be so sweet and helpful that I would begin to trust her, then without warning she would try to hit him again. The first few months were challenging. BUT Jesus is so incredible…and I was brought peace when I really needed it. Now that Leo is crawling they are really having a good time together. I am enjoying this season in my life where the demands have lessened (or maybe I’ve just gotten more used to them). It is such a blessing have two babies. What a precious gift they are! I’m sorry for being windy, I hope something will be helpful to you. Don’t be too hard on yourself in the beginning, and especially don’t try to accomplish anything extraordinary. Things all smooth out very soon and you’ll actually be thinking about #3 (ok, so I’m not quite there yet but I’m sure it will come sooner or later!)
Congratulations!!
Hi, I’m relatively new here, but I love this spot. I remember when Jamie was two, and Jo jo was on the way. I had the SAME concerns. The issue that you are concerned about is a REAL issue. We have come to call it the “second from the bottom” syndrome. The child doesn’t need to be entertained all of the time, but the adjustment of having to share mommy is a real issue. If it is possible to cuddle with the two year old a lot during the first couple of weeks when the new baby is resting, that will help. Sooner or later, the toddler will have to learn how to not be naughty and get into stuff just to get attention. After that is learned, just about any creative toy or book will do for some creative “play time”. Hope this helps.
I to am interested in this, except my daughter is a little younger (going to be 15 months in march when my son is due), I also will be recovering from a c-section at the same time.