Causing Gain or Shame?

As I continue on in the True Woman Makeover Challenge focusing on Proverbs 31 and reading it every day for the next 30 days, I have been pondering verse 11:

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

Or as the New Living Translation puts it: Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.

Consider the alternative…

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4)

As Nancy Leigh Demoss shares: The opposite of a virtuous woman or a woman of character is a woman “who causes shame” …she makes him feel decayed and falling apart inside. She makes him weak.

J.R. Miller in his book, Homemaking, written in the 1800′s, says, No wife can overestimate the influence she wields over her husband…How can she make sure that her influence over her husband will be for good, that he will be a better man, more successful in his career and more happy, because she is his wife? Not by . . . perpetual preaching and lecturing on a husband’s duties and on manly character.”

UPDATE/CLARIFICATION: I can bring shame or gain to my husband and ultimately shame to the Word of God by not acting in a godly manner to my husband (Titus 2:3-5). We are equally responsible before God for our own actions and decisions as we are equally co-heirs in Christ Jesus, but I am responsible for following my role of respecting and honoring him to the extent that He honors and obeys the Word of God. My first love should be to the Lord, and out of the love and obedience to Christ should flow a desire to cause gain and enrich the life of my husband. Before criticizing him in my words or actions, I need to evaluate my own heart, and take the plank out of my own eye first (Matt. 7:5).

Nancy says again: “You want your husband to be a man of virtue, to be a noble man, a man of spiritual strength and character? Then set out, not to change him, but set out to be the kind of woman with the kind of character that you want him to have. The Scripture says that kind of woman is a crown to her husband. She blesses him. She brings out the best in him.”

Am I bringing gain or shame to my husband today in my thoughts, words and actions?

About Lindsay

Lindsay Edmonds is first a lover of Jesus, wife, mother of four, homemaker, and writer. She loves inspiring women around the world toward simple, natural, and intentional living for the glory of God.

20 Responses to Causing Gain or Shame?

  1. elmc92 October 5, 2009 at 6:51 pm #

    This was very helpful to me. I know it is not a coincidence that I came across it right now. I have been feeling very put out at this moment and this post helped me to remember to feel grateful that I have such a wonderful love and provider in my life. Thanks!

  2. kristen January 13, 2009 at 5:03 pm #

    and to think i was just looking for a shampoo recipe BLESS GOD
    great proverb !!!!!!!!!! thanks

  3. Cribb December 25, 2008 at 6:04 am #

    I Love Proverbs 31. Thank you so much for this post.

  4. Melissa December 11, 2008 at 8:53 pm #

    I was able to attend the True Woman Con­fer­ence in Chicago this past Octo­ber and it was simply amaz­ing! When we got home, we were able to be a part of this chal­lenge auto­mat­i­cally and it was won­der­ful. It was so amaz­ing to better under­stand with each read­ing the value of my role as a wife and mother.

    I con­stantly felt chal­lenged and encour­aged in my daily endeav­ors in being a godly woman. Thank you for your posts, you can never stop learn­ing. I am amazed at the new things God reveals every time I look at the Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman~ I pray that I will build up my hus­band at every oppor­tu­nity.

    I am enjoying your posts and God is still teaching me something new each time I read these passages. Thank you~

  5. zsera December 11, 2008 at 12:34 pm #

    very enlightening. Thanks!

  6. [email protected] December 11, 2008 at 12:01 pm #

    Ouch!! Feeling a little convicted here!!

  7. Melody December 11, 2008 at 9:08 am #

    What a great post…I am most certainly guilty of bringing shame to my husband at times. I pray that the Lord will rid me of this because I do not want to bring him down in any way. Thank you for this post!

  8. Carey December 11, 2008 at 8:31 am #
    This is also a great book on being your husbands help meet. Debbie Pearl is bold and to the point.

    • Lindsay December 13, 2008 at 10:27 am #

      I have read and do appreciate Debbie’s work, although I would add a clarification that she has some valuable things to say (I loved the chapter on Understanding your Man -and found it very valuable in my marriage), and yet she puts a little too much weight on the wife’s responsibility. I had to read it with a grain of salt and really allow the Biblical understanding of grace to season it. This book could come across as very condemning, and thus I am careful in recommending it.

      • jessica February 11, 2009 at 8:29 am #

        I too have had many mixed emotions in response to the help-meet book…i’m glad you put in your opinion here, makes me feel a little better in my own struggle to not feel like “if only i did everything right, i too could have a perfect marriage…” that’s a big burden to bear. Thanks for the good reminder of this post :) to be a blessing.

  9. diana December 11, 2008 at 8:16 am #

    this is so good. I’ve been feeling lately that my husband has been apologizing for being a “bad” husband and i think it is because of my comments to him after he does something i do not like. i know there is room for holiness on both sides but it seems that I have been making him feel guilty more than encouraging change.

  10. Jennifer S December 11, 2008 at 7:34 am #

    This verse really stands out to me too, very true.

  11. Cara December 11, 2008 at 7:22 am #

    Wow! Powerful! I signed up for the study but have not received an email yet!?

    • Shannon H December 11, 2008 at 12:30 pm #

      When I signed up for it, I immediately got a confirmation email I had to open and click on a link as the last step to signing up. Did you get that confirmation email?

      • Cara December 11, 2008 at 2:34 pm #

        Shannon, no I did not. Maybe I need to try again.
        Thanks! :)

      • Kate December 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm #

        I did that too, and no more emails. :-(

        • Kate December 11, 2008 at 3:38 pm #

          Ok, I guess it helps to go thru your emails. It comes up “true woman” as the sender.

  12. Denise December 11, 2008 at 7:21 am #

    What a beautiful entry! I like the way you think and write about such things. I think about gain or shame daily and try to live my life in such a way that my husband isn’t shamed. It isn’t that hard but there are days when I falter. At any rate, thanks for such a nice entry and encouragement to do something that isn’t often done anymore.

  13. Michelle December 11, 2008 at 6:57 am #

    I skimmed down to your related posts on food allergies because we have lots of them around here! Couple of readers commented that throwing up in not necessarily a sign of an allergy. Actually, that is not true. One of my sons is highly allergic to peanuts. The way we found out was the first time we gave him peanut butter, he threw up – no hives, no rash, etc. We have to carry an epi pen with us and he is a 4+ on the allergy scale. My best friend’s child did the same thing. I just wanted to add this as allergies can be life threatening to some children and the signs can vary from child to child. Glad to hear your little girl did not have a true allergy.

  14. Mandi December 11, 2008 at 6:41 am #

    How convicting!