In part 1 of this series, I shared the call that Paul presents in 1 Corinthians 7 to live holy both in body and spirit as women of God, and remain devoted to service of our King. How do we go about this?
First, I would like to address a comment I received on the previous post. This woman brought up a few valid points that would be important to address before we move on in. I wish to thank her for presenting these concerns and allowing me the opportunity to address them
Rita W. said:
This is all very interesting but I can tell you from having been unmarried and married that being married is a much healthier and joy filled life.There is not more time when a woman is single totally the opposite. If you need gas in the car even though tired or ill you must get it yourself and the same with groceries, errands, house cleaning, repairs etc. There is no one to share life with and no one who asks how you are doing? The married are interested in their own lives how husband or wife is doing and the rest of the family and rightly so. At the same time singleness is treated just like you did – how wonderful it is – how glorious to serve? When is there time or the funds after taking care of mother and father? My opinion is that this post is tilted in the wrong direction. Ask a single girl and if she is honest she is exhausted and lonely and hanging to the scriptures for dear life. Praying that somehow life will expand to include more family, friends, and if meant to be a future husband.
Contentment
This is all very interesting but I can tell you from having been unmarried and married that being married is a much healthier and joy filled life.
I believe that the biblical response to this would be that God has called us to contentment in whatever season He has placed us in. If you do not have contentment and joy in your singleness, you will not find it in marriage. Philippians 4:11 “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in.”
In 1 Corinthians 7, we see clearly how Paul encourages singles to remain single. “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I (vs. 8).” He goes on to state that the reason single hood has been his choice is that it provides more freedom to be wholeheartedly concerned about the things of the Lord. Paul gave his life in wholehearted abandon for the furtherance of the Kingdom through preaching the gospel where Christ had not been named. Single hood is indeed a high calling! It is not an accident. Jesus Himself referred to singleness as a special gift from God (Matt. 19:11,12).
Nancy Leigh Demoss says, “Marriage is not about finding someone to make us happy; it is about learning to make someone else happy. It is not about getting; it is about giving. It is not about finding fulfillment; it is about self-denial and sacrifice.” So we see, marriage and singleness each have their unique challenges and sacrifices.
Our deepest needs and longings can only be fully fulfilled in Christ Jesus alone. Whatever season you are in, requires dying to yourself in service to another, whether single or married. True joy does not come about from being married or unmarried, but rather in gratefully receiving exactly what God has given you. It all depends on your perspective. If you view singleness as a burden and difficult season, it will remain so…but if you view it as a gift to be used for the Lord, there is great joy and fulfillment there! It is because Christ is the center, and not the desires of our hearts. As we lay down our desires, God will turn them into His desires!
Living at Home
There is not more time when a woman is single totally the opposite. If you need gas in the car even though tired or ill you must get it yourself and the same with groceries, errands, house cleaning, repairs etc. There is no one to share life with and no one who asks how you are doing?
This is a valid point. I indeed agree that life would be rather difficult if you were living on your own, away from family, etc. I honestly cannot imagine the struggle that would be. I believe, if all possible, it is best for the single woman to remain at home, under the guardianship and protection of her parents, until she is married and that transfer of protection is given to her husband, or at least in close proximity to her family.
If she remains at home, she has the loving care of her family around her to assist in the areas described. The burden does not lay completely on her, but she can and should indeed take part in maintaining her home (this is how she learns to prepare to manage her future home as a married woman). During my single years, I was blessed to be cared for and provided for by my father. I consider this a great blessing, and know it is not possible for everyone! I feel I would been more susceptible to worldly temptations or being taken advantage of if I had departed from my father’s roof. She is given the greatest opportunity of service right here in her home, and this is where she has the greatest influence as well, for good or evil, depending upon her choice.
Throughout the Bible, we see examples of young women who remained at home. One example of a daughter who left home to seek friends it seems without the oversight or protection of her fathers and brothers, is the story of Dinah. Her story is detailed in Genesis 34 and resulted in a rather large mess for herself, her family and the entire neighboring kingdom.
Wherever she remains, there is free time, no doubt. Even as a married woman, after managing my home, serving and caring for my husband and child, there is always little bouts of free time (when I manage my time wisely). It may be just a few moments, but it could be a few moments invested in writing a note of encouragement to a friend, or praying for someone, etc. The key is to invest that free time in service to others!
Service is a Sacrifice
At the same time singleness is treated just like you did – how wonderful it is – how glorious to serve? When is there time or the funds after taking care of mother and father? My opinion is that this post is tilted in the wrong direction. Ask a single girl and if she is honest she is exhausted and lonely and hanging to the scriptures for dear life. Praying that somehow life will expand to include more family, friends, and if meant to be a future husband.
The Bible does call us to honor and care for our parents. This is indeed a huge aspect of undistracted devotion to the Lord, parents and family come first and foremost on the list of those God has called a single young woman to serve (single and married for that matter!). Honoring and serving our parents is the first commandment with a promise, a promise that we will live long on that land, and our way will be straight. Seeking to serve parents and others can be a difficult thing, but the Bible does not say that service will be easy.
“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of faith (Gal. 6:9-10).”
2 Thess. 3:13 “Do not grow weary of doing good.”
But this self-dying sacrifice in service for others will reap great eternal reward when done for the Lord! He promises this again and again in His Word. Whatever you do unto the least of these my brothers, you have done it unto me, Jesus says! It is for the Lord! When we live in service for others, we will find the greatest glorious joy of serving. Even as my husband and I serve to mobilize our church in missions, it is very easy to grow tired and get frustrated because we may not see much fruit, but we must continually be reminding ourselves that we must not grow weary, we must continue to put on love, dying to ourselves, and investing in eternity. As a result of maintaining the right perspective, we are able to rejoice! Jesus did not see much fruit for his labors on this earth, indeed He was rejected, dispised, and esteemed not, but it was for the joy set before Him that He endured the cross, despised the shame, and sat down and the right hand of the Majesty on High.
The temptation of our day is for singles to get caught up in self-seeking and self-fulfillment. The greatest happiness is not at the top of some corporate ladder, but as a bondservant of Jesus Christ! Of course, we cannot have this perspective, unless God has transformed our heart. If we do not have the desire to give ourselves in abandonment for others, seek it! Pray that the Lord would change your heart.
“Tireless, reckless abandon to the will and work of God ought to characterize the Christian who is single.” – Nancy LeighDemoss
This does not mean you should never relax, or have fun. It does mean that the whole of life belongs to Christ and is devoted to blessing Him!
May I state once again, that our true fulfillment, joy, and happiness can only be found in Jesus Christ. It will not be found in family, friends, or a spouse. Jesus alone fulfills that desire. He alone must be first and foremost!
Great job answering this question! I agree wholeheartedly!
Well said