Lately, I have been going through a very challenging season with my little one. It seems my milk production has gone down significantly in the evening so as not to provide her with enough to make it through the night. I have had nights of waking up at 1 pm, 4 pm…etc. Some evenings it has taken over two hours to get her to bed. What a difficult feeling it is to not be able to supply her hunger needs. I won’t go into all the details…but I will tell you this.
I have learned that God’s mercies are new every morning and for every little trial I must face in motherhood. I have learned that motherhood is the tool through which God is pruning and refining my character during this season of my life. Why am I so quick to get frustrated and worked up when my baby does not comply with my schedule? Why do I focus on the problems instead of enjoying each moment to treasure and nurture my baby and meet her need? Why am I so quick to doubt God’s care and love for me? I so quickly analyze why in the world would she not go down at this time or with every little problem in her schedule, I want to figure out the reason why! I have been questioning God in this manner.
The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world. ~William Ross Wallace
Nurturing and caring for my little one is my second most important priority beyond serving my husband; therefore, I must not lose sight that with each day she grows older and my time invested today in her life with impact the tomorrow.
The Lord has changed my heart. He revealed to me my sin over this past week as I grew more and more frustrated with Karis and her inability of going to sleep when I wanted her to. I have gotten angry, tearful, frustrated. I realized I was only living according to my desire and missing out on the investment I could be making in my daughter’s life. He revealed my need for a heart and priority shift. My desire grew as I started to pray for a love to nurture her even in the midst of these trying times…when I am losing sleep over it.
Instead of evaluating every possible reason for this mishap, I need to change my focus to treasuring those times of holding her close and rocking her. I need to re-evaluate my priorities and realign them according to God’s word. This is God’s perfect design for me at this time and season in my life.
How often do I lose sight of the moment and yearn for the future? I think…it will be so much easier when she is older…when teething is past, etc. Each season will have its own trials; I must not lose sight of rejoicing and delighting in the moment! Each day with my little girl is a presence gift! I must focus again with a spirit of thankfulness!
No more pity parties for me!
Psalm 121: I will lift up my eyes to the hills, from where does my help come from?
“Precious Moments” at Art.com
At present I am 38 weeks present and so ready for my precious baby to arrive. This can cause a lot of impatience and frustration at times. I just want my baby out. But as you remind us in this post, with each season comes trials and joys. I have been refelecting on this very thing for a few months now.
I decided to look on your site today to see what I could find about sleep. My little one is great about going to sleep but he will not stay asleep and only wants to nurse back to sleep. I have tried to think of many things to “fix” this, but am begining to think more and more that I need to seize and enjoy it. Remembering this is only temporary and God is possibly preparing me for something else. Thanks Lindsay for all your words of wisdom and continuing to share on this site!
Lindsay, I feel for you. Elena has never been a good sleeper and we have often spent two hours getting her to bed. It has also been a good chance for me to be tested in my faith. Do I BELIEVE that God is sovereign? I too have gotten frustrated because my plans were disrupted, but I also had to return to th fact that God was in control and accept new challenges He put in my path. Thanks for sharing in this post. God will carry us both through.
On the practical side, I hope your milk supply increases soon!
Wow, Lindsay, that was really excellent for me to read. I appreciate and enjoy your blog very much.
-Steph