Enjoying smores in our backyard
Blowing bubbles, chasing butterflies, zooming cars, and dress ups are treasured moments at our home these days. These are little glimpses into the beauty of motherhood. With two toddlers, aged 2 and 4, I confess I find it challenging to stop the daily to-do list and sit down by their side and explore the world together. It takes deliberate focused action. I am not one so eager to slow down when I want to be most productive with each passing minute. Dinner is calling, dishes fill the sink, and Karis asks for a story. But these little ones are growing up before my very eyes. When I chose to be intentional, my children blossom. They are so much more happy, secure, and satisfied even when I just take a few moments to focus on their interests in particular on a regular basis.
How hard would it be to invest an intentional 30 minutes with each child on a daily basis? That has been the gentle call upon my heart lately. I don’t want to miss out. I want these precious gifts in my hands to be lovingly cared for, nurtured, watered, and brought to fruition into a full beautiful full life. My little ones have been entrusted into my care by a faithful and loving God who has honored me with this task of motherhood. I need to refocus. I need to stop focusing on all the work involved in raising them up, and start enjoying the special things that delight and bring laughter to their souls.
Could I stop today and dance together with them across the living room floor? Could I get down on my hands and knees, even with belly protruding, and get enraptured in “zoom” noises with little cars? Could I enjoy apples and peanut butter on our back deck and talk about the latest favorite book, story, or event on my daughter’s heart? Can I just stop and see? Can I see the delight in their eyes when I ask them what they want to do and then do it with them? Can I let go of the laundry and sit down and play a roaring game of “Go Fish” with a girl who loves games? It is these simple moments that memories are made, relationships are built, and the joy of living becomes more fully known. This is where my heart and theirs is nourished and restored.
Here’s a little inspiration for investing in your children (thanks to Gospel Centered Families):
- Show love – Our first responsibility as a parent is to love our children. Be affectionate. Tell them you love them. Always say good night. Take time to simply snuggle together. I remember snuggling with my daddy up until I was married.
- Take time to talk – Your children won’t talk about deep, personal stuff with you, if you haven’t first talked about a load of trivial stuff. Write letters to each other.
- Eat together – Meals are beautiful times for talking and bonding. Turn off the TV and enjoy each others company. Make the dinner table gathering a sacred event.
- Be creative together - Read to them. Build lego castles. Bake cakes. Start a shared hobby.
- Play with them – Kick a ball in the park. Pretend to be pirates. Board games. Get on your hands and knees.
- Plan memories – Growing sunflowers. A treasure hunt. Sleeping in a home-made den. A special date out with each child individually enjoying coffee or simply a walk around the park.
- Telling stories – Create your own stories or share stories from your past. ‘Do you remember when…?’
Ultimately, it doesn’t require a lot of planning…just the ability to stop, get down to their level, and enjoy life from their view! When I stop, my joy and love for them grows. Each day becomes more beautiful.
“We can remind ourselves that we do not need to judge our daily lives by how much we accomplish. There is real value in simply being present, for our children. For when we reclaim the realm of motherhood, we also protect the honor and province of childhood.” - Katrina Kennison, Mitten Strings for God
Thank you. Reading this made me cry just now, because this is my heart for mothering, but I have not been fulfilling it as I should lately. I am encouraged and exhorted by this post to strive for the “more important” rather than the “more urgent”. And I’m thankful that the grace of God is greater than all my failures and sins as a mother.
Just stumbled across this post….luv it. I too struggle with this on a daily basis. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and 1 yr old and too often I find that I am spending more time cleaning, cooking, and organizing and not enough down on the floor with them. I don’t want to miss this time but it is so hard to find a balance. Thanks for the reminder
My biggest struggle by far is making intentional, focused time with my kids…on things THEY like to do. We do a lot of things. We are together a lot. But not necessarily doing what they’d choose to do. And you’re right…it doesn’t require a bunch of time, just the ability to stop and put my agenda aside for the sake of their hearts. Thanks for the post.
This has been on my heart recently as well. I don’t want to shove my little one away, just because I have a huge to-do list. My Mom has reminded me of something Elizabeth Elliot once said on her daily radio program years ago, that has stuck with me: Something along the lines of, “When we don’t get done what WE want to do, we are doing what GOD wants us to do.” Just like your previous post on priorities, this has helped me to put what really matters ahead of my to-do list. Thank you!
This post is a much needed reminder for me. As my daughter gets older and is more capable of entertaining herself, its easy to forget that she still needs my attention and time. I love the tangible goal of 30 minutes a day.
Hi …. a beautiful Sunday out…my piles of laundry are over-flowing…endless amount of to do lists…the sun is shining…yet I am so discouraged. Having 7 children ages 16 down to 19 months and the older ones so busy in sports…i am left home with the younger 5 and don’t get me wrong I love my time at home….but its sooo stressful. kids fighting…timeouts and then the next minute life is a pure blessing and I am able to enjoy them. I also work part time as a nurse…would love to be a stay at home mom. little ones are only little once!! I feel like God is trying to speak to me in so many ways….but I don’t know what to do. Chronic back pain, physical therapy, depression and anxiety rob me of who I am meant to be …the mom I am meant to be. I just want to stay at home at be me…a mom…a keeper of the home. What should I do?
Very good post. Though there are times when we simply cannot put down what we are doing, it is ok if it is balanced by the times when we can. My youngest (of three born children) is 4 now and it isn’t as complicated anymore as it was when they were all younger. However, being a homeschooling mom, sometimes I do struggle with an attitude of “I’ve been with them all day!” Yet, sometimes that time wasn’t doing things that they enjoy and getting to really know them. It’s a good reminder. Besides, nobody seems to “pop in” at my house while it’s clean anyway, they seem to wait until it’s a mess… maybe it will help with my hospitality too!(smile).
Hi Lindsey -
Just wanted to say thank you. I was feeling stressed about having guests over tonight after a very busy week. I remembered your post about easy company dishes and went with your ideas (presto pasta, salad, bread, and coconut brownies) It was so helpful for you to share those ideas. It worked out great and the hostess was not stressed!
Thank you -
Carolyn
Thank you! I’ve been struggling with this for the last few months. I have a 3 1/2 yr old and 16 mo old. I feel like there’s always so much to do, feeling overwhelmed that the list never gets smaller! But I don’t want to miss moments!! My son has been using nap time as a rest time, since he doesn’t nap anymore, but now we use it to read books and snuggle together. After dinner is just for my daughter now…reading books or playing puzzles, whatever she wants to do. It makes me feel better and appreciate them more and it makes a huge difference in their behavior! Such a good reminder!
Sarah
Awesome post! I can definitely get so wrapped up in chores and meals etc. that I realize I haven’t spent anytime reading to or playing with my kids. sad! That’s probably why old people constantly tell me to enjoy them because they grow up so fast. I need to pray for wisdom to truly grasp that now and not have to look back when they are 16 and 18 and wonder why I was a busybody all the time.
I have been thinking about this a lot recently too. Honestly, what mother doesn’t? There are so many pulls in so many directions, and it IS really hard sometimes to just get down on their level. Especially with my 10 month old- she isn’t quite interactive when she plays, but I can tell she LOVES it when I just get down on the floor and sit along side her while she plays.
Very poignant for me today, thanks for posting this!
Loved this. I really need to remind myself of this often. I don’t want to miss out on what matter most!
Great post! I have seven children and my oldest is 19. It goes so very fast. I am the kind of person that likes things neat and clean, but I don’t have specific memories of a clean home. What I remember are the hours reading together, or playing games. Our reading times carried my son and I through the somewhat troublesome,years of his early teens, helping us relate as he transitioned.
Just saw a similar post in which the author’s MIL advised her to spend 10 minutes an hour focused on her child. She said it changed the whole family!
you must have written this for me today – haha.
I have a 4 y.o., 3 y.o. and 9mn old daughters. I losing my mind and keep asking myself “why, God, did you want me to be their mom?” I feel like I’m failing. Challenging days. But I keep looking at my oldest who will be starting Kindergarten in the fall and thinking of how quickly she is “slipping away”. I’m learning how to take more time, drop what I’m doing and be there for those little special moments, but it’s sure not easy. It is especially not easy when the house looks like a tornado swept through it. I don’t know how to let it go….
This post reminds me of the situation with Martha and Mary, when Jesus came to visit them.
Luke 10:39-42
“Martha had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations, and she came up to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the serviing alone?’ Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.’”
It’s easy to lose our focus from the important things to the distractions of our other less important responsibilities! I pray to be more like Mary and choose “the good part”!
I made a promise to myself when my daughter was very young that whenever she asked me to read to her, I would drop whatever I was doing and read. I wanted her to see how important reading is to our family, but also it kept me from spending too much time on grown up tasks. Both of my children are now avid readers, and we have created, and continue to create wonderful memories together. Thanks for the beautiful post. You never get years back with your kids, so it is so important to make good use of that brief time!
This post has stimulated some interesting responses! I find myself at the other extreme. I spend so much time playing with my children and doing stuff they want to do, that I get very little housework or other stuff done. I think it has gotten this way, in part, because i just prefer doing stuff with them and really don’t like housework, but also I played with my 4 yo so much when she was younger that she came to expect me to play with her all the time and has a hard time playing without me. My son, who is 2, is less like that because being the second child, i just couldn’t give him all that one-on-one time. I am trying to find a better balance. I certainly want to continue to spend a lot of time with the kids, but I feel like I need to encourage them to play without me a bit more and have more time to do “grown-up” things for the sake of my sanity!
That is true. I can see it becoming an easy scapegoat from our other responsibilities. I know that since they were younger we established independent play times so they could learn to entertain themselves as well. Very valuable to establish as well.
The best part of this awesome post (just the reminder I needed today!) is that your kids are eating SMOORES!
I’m glad to see the freedom you have to splurge off the traditional whole foods diet for your kids to make a memory. I love that you are so real.
I had a good laugh on that one! The thought didn’t cross my mind…but truthfully, it is fun to have the freedom to have some tasty unhealthy treat like this over the campfire…such sweet memories! Thanks for your encouragement!
This has been on my heart lately, too, Lindsay. (I have an almost 2 yo son and a 3 1/2 yo daughter–just behind you!) Sometimes I have to remind myself of the most important goal of my motherhood: preparing my children to receive and follow Jesus–and then I remind myself that the best way I can ready them to be receptive to that message is to win and keep their hearts! At this stage of the game, I do that primarily through attention and play. So, that’s my call! And, once I actually get down and do it (I’m seriously not a “little kid” person–I much prefer adolescents, although I of course love my children), I actually do enjoy it–because I enjoy THEM!
Great post…something I’ve been discussing with my husband, sister, and friends lately. Have you read LOVING THE LITTLE YEARS -Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic? I believe she is Nancy and Douglas Wilson’s daughter. It is a wonderful, quick read discussing so much of what you said in your blog post. I highly recommend it. Thank you for your always Christ-centered posts.
Sounds like a great read. I will certainly add it to my list!
I am a single mother and sole provider for my children. During the day time, I am away from the home at least 10 hrs per day after you factor in lunch and commute. When I am home with the kids in the evenings I am cooking, cleaning, bathing, reading stories, grocery shopping one per week, etc. I find I never get time to “enjoy” with my kids so to speak. I mean I enjoy caring for them, but when I am at home I am “working” the whole time not having family time. Sure, a housekeeper could assist, but I cannot afford that.
Stay-at-home moms can find all sorts of extra-time to spend with the kids while us single moms have to cram a day’s worth of home chores all into a few hrs in the evening.
feel I am missing out on motherhood by having to provide rather than stay at home.
Can you have your children help you do your housework to spend more time together? Make it fun and special. Amish children love to work as much as play. Working is like playing for them. I know my little ones enjoy being involved in my activities- it takes a little longer, but shared chores are more enjoyable than doing them all alone. And the saying “many hands make light work” could inspire your children to help you, so you could have more time to do other fun things with your children…play games with them, read books, even snuggling on the couch (if you are too tired for much else)….
Thanks for the advice. I kinda feel bad making my younger kids “work” but if I make it seem fun and we spend time together, it is worth a shot.
Hang in there, Crissy! Do your best not to compare your situation to another’s – instead, go about all of those chores in the evening with a fun, playful attitude, and include your kids in your tasks. Children are so perceptive. They will feel that your heart passionately desires time with them.
God bless you and keep you.
My heart goes out to you Crissy. Be encouraged that even those small moments in the evening with your kids are invaluable moments to invest in them. Keep your housecleaning to a minimal. I honestly do all my cleaning once a week for a two hour period just to get it out of the way for the week. It makes it easier to focus on the little ones throughout the week without those looming jobs calling on me. It really takes a new perspective not to compare yourself to others but to rejoice in the little opportunities that God has given you. I will pray that the Lord renews you with a fresh perspective and joy in your task!
Crissy- My parents both worked a ton. I was the first one in day care at 6am and the last to leave at nearly 7pm. My mother spent all of her time on the weekends cleaning because it was her only time to accomplish housework. I was so eager to spend time with her and be important in her eyes. I used to ask to clean with her! I remember turning down time with friends in order to clean with my mom. Your children will delight in spending time with you as you do your housekeeping!
I enjoy your blog oh so much!! What a wondeful post! I just wrote a blog last night discussing a similiar perspecitive on finding those 30 second moments of pure joy with your family and focusing on those!
Thanks so much for sharing, your blog truly inspires me!!
Oh that was good! I am really enjoying your blog. I keep sharing things on FB, and people are really being encouraged. Keep up the good work.
Lindsay,
Thank you so much for this reminder! This is something that is ALWAYS pulling at my heart. It is so hard to put down the housework and just spend time with the kids. I know it is what I need to do,but it is still so hard. Thank you so much for you blog. I so much enjoy it and it is such an encouragment to me all the time!
Blessings to you and you growing family,
Kristina
as i’m reading this, i’m thinking of my daughter who has a 6month old and a 3.5 year old. she also has a full time job. i dont know how she does it! i know she is very stressed out. i hope she reads this today. maybe it will help her. thanks.
yeah, i had a messy house when my kids were small. who cares? in the grand scheme of things, how important is it to have a clean house over time spent with your kids. the mess will always be there. your kids will not!
OMG, i could talk about this topic all day long!!! it’s SO IMPORTANT to me!!!
if i could quit my job right now and take care of my grandkids, i would! they are boys and i dont know anything about boys, but we would sure HAVE FUN LEARNING!!!! unfortunately, i cant do the same kind of job that i used to do where i got to work 3 12 hour days.
Excellent post. I agree that this time when our children are growing it is so important to invest TIME. The most important thing, IMO.
i agree 100%!! i was a single mom raising 2 daughters AND i had a full time job. but i had a shift that totally allowed me be a full time mom, too. (3 12 hour days a week) i was an only child and both my parents worked when i was growing up and i never felt like they had any time for me. i didnt feel like they invested any time in what I was interested in. so my goal when i became a parent was to make sure i gave my girls EVERYTHING i could. i dont mean “stuff”, but i mean DOING things together…..things THEY would like to do. or i’d give them experiences so they could decide later if they might like to pursue and activity. i went to all their sports meets and recitals and everything. i was their Girl Scout Leader (i have to admit, tho, that was more for me….to make up for what i DIDNT get!) and even now, i get kind comments from my former Girl Scout girls! it’s SO IMPORTANT to invest the TIME!!!
and now…my parents are getting the payoff of not spending the time with me that they need and want. not on purpose. i try to be there for them when i can. but…well……that’s the way it happens. SPEND THE TIME WITH YOUR KIDS!!!! IT”S IMPORTANT!!!
@ Audree —
Just be thankful though your parents both worked to provide for you. Many kids these days are from welfare families and don’t even know where their next meal or shoes will come from. That’s got to be tough on a child. Sure, you may have your mom there next to you all day, but the insecurity of not having the means for food, clothing,…. the necessities has got to take a toll. Not to mention, having to go to school and be part of the reduced-lunch program since mom/dad doesn’t work. That is embarrassing for these little guys and gals in elementary school.
Anyways, be blessed your parents sacrificed so much to provide a good upbringing. Not all children are so fortunate.
This post was very timely for me. I think God wanted me to read it. Thanks.
Wow…I needed to read this one badly. My daughter is 9 months, which means I need to start preparing now for how I want to be intentional with her. I think I’m so guilty of thinking about what I want that to look like in several years that I forget to start preparing now. I can’t have meaningful, deep conversations with a 13 year old daughter if I never invested in her as a 3 year old.
Thank you for the reminder.
We just welcomed our second son 3 weeks ago, and of course I’m spending loads of time nursing him, holding him, and tending to his needs. But I feel like in some ways I’ve neglected my 20 month old. But I’m trying to make sure that I take a little time each day to get down and play with him while his brother is sleeping. Yesterday we played with fridge letters and it was such a sweet (and educational) time. My sweet husband has been really good about taking him on special little trips and spending time with him when he gets home from work. It has been really neat to see their relationship develop. I just keep trying to remind myself that my kids don’t care if the dishes are done or even if I have put on a clean t-shirt. They just want to be with me.
Kim, I’m not sure if you will see this – but hope you will. I had three girls in rapid succession (#2 came when #1 was 16 months old; #3 came when #1 was not yet 3 and #2 was 19 months….then #4 came along 2 years after the last girl) I felt like I was neglecting my little ones in the time I spent with the baby. One thing I started doing is keeping a basket of books in the family room where I nursed. When I was nursing the baby, I’d move to the sofa and allow an older sister to choose a book that I would read. That way, they were with me – I was engaging them and letting them know that while I loved on the baby, I also was loving on them. If you think your son would go for that, have him choose a book during one of your nursing sessions and spend that time with him, too. Or, consider buying him some of those Tonka “Chuck & Friends” cars…just the cars, not all the accessories
(perfect for chubby little toddler/preschooler hands) and have him sit with you and vroom vroom them along the sofa cushions and back of the sofa while you nurse.
And Lindsay, thank you for a much needed article – my children are 8, 7, 5.5 and 3 and I need to be reminded, through these days of homeschooling, that I still need to take time to enjoy them!
Sounds lovely, but when you’re my age (53) with a 3 year old and a 5 year old, one of who couldn’t care less if you are around or not, things aren’t so rosy. It’s a beautiful thought and a beautiful picture, but too often is just isn’t real.
May I encourage you Debra not to give up! Just like our heart goes where we invest our time and treasure, I am sure as you spend time with them enjoying the things that they enjoy, their heart and affection with grow for you. It sounds like they may have built some barriers due to other things – circumstances, events in their lives, etc? I wouldn’t take it personally, but step back and evaluate what the need truly may be. It may be something different than you ever would imagine or just a season of life in their growth and development. Don’t be afraid to talk with them about it. Pray for wisdom in reaching their hearts. Now is the time not to let it go but keep striving to build these relationships. I truly believe this can be real and beautiful.
The past couple of days my 16 month old has preferred everyone but me. Grandma, Daddy, even my girlfriend’s husband. I put her to bed last night and I went to my room and cried. I asked God why? why was she not wanting mommy anymore? He said to me “would you still come to me if everytime you did I gave you a cookie and sent you back to the living room?” He showed me that I had been so wrapped up in cooking, cleaning, and other daily chores and I had been pushing my kids away to always have it all done.
Lesson learned (I hope) and I am going to change.
What a sweet, gentle reminder to enjoy our children. I think it’s so easy to get caught up in living “purposeful” lives and forget to enjoy the very thing we are trying to be purposeful about … time freed to live for the glory of God and enjoy the gifts He gives us.
A recurring theme this week for me is this refrain: “The days are long but the years go by so fast.” Remembering this little saying has freed me to get down in the floor and “motor boat” or “razz” (depending on where you’re from
)with my 4 month old. You are right, it is in these moments that my love for mmy kiddo grows exponentially!
Thanks for being faithful to listen and respond to God’s gentle reminders. It’s a helpful reminder for all of us!
Wonderful reminder… I’ve been very convicted lately, of this same thing.