Welcome to our chapter 1 discussion on Practicing Hospitality: The Joy of Serving Others by Pat Ennis & Lisa Tatlock. This is part 1 of an eight week discussion on this book. We are so glad you decided to join us! I will start each week by giving a brief recap of the chapter followed by a few discussion questions which you can use to lead in sharing what stood out to you in this chapter in the comments below. Even if you are not participating in the study, I encourage you to keep reading…Chapter 1 focused on Hospitality & Character.
SUMMARY
Purposefully developing Christ-like character is extremely important in order to fulfill the biblical command of hospitality. The Word of God is our standard that should challenge us to cultivate a lifestyle that conforms us to the only Person who exhibited character in its purest form – Christ Jesus. “His standard of femininity [and masculinity for that matter] is a quality that, from a biblical perspective, has little to do with appearance and everything to do with character.”
The authors then proceed to make a word collage of character qualities of what a person of character who desires to practice hospitality might look like.
A Person of Christian Character who Practices Hospitality is….
H – Humble
O – Obedient
S – Sincere
P – Prayerful
I – Interested in Integrity
T – Trustworthy
A – Adopted into God’s Family
L – Led by the Spirit
I – Instrumental in Producing Righteousness
T – Thankful
Y – Yielded
DISCUSSION
I was greatly impacted by reading this chapter a second time. I took it so lightly the first time, brushing it off more as a highlight of all the areas I needed to work on. I can’t possibly grow in all those different areas was my thought. Get me to the practical stuff! The Lord gently reminded me that this was indeed the practical stuff! This is the foundation! If I am not humbly cultivating a lifestyle that conforms to His standard of character, delving into His word and measuring my life by it, how do I expect to truly impact the lives of those God sends into my life? Demonstrating hospitality is all about character first rather than appearance and from that character flows action. Our faith is demonstrated by our works, but we must first have that faith!
Of all the above character qualities discussed in this chapter, I believe humility and maintaining a prayerful spirit stood out to me most significantly. Humility is described as recognizing my utter spiritual helplessness and bankruptcy apart from Christ. Am I humbly willing to step outside my comfort zone in offering hospitality? Am I willing to kneel down and wash the feet of others who enter my home (seeking to meet their needs no matter how challenging or stretching to the best of my ability) as a means of witnessing Christ’s sacrificial humility? It takes sacrificial love to lay down my desires, struggles, and fears and simply cling to the Lord Jesus and humbly obey His command to practice hospitality, but in that clinging comes greater grace. I am not naturally gifted in demonstrating hospitality…I am not a social person. I prefer writing. Yet in obedience comes freedom and true joy.
I am going to begin cultivating humility by prayerfully seeking the Lord’s face before every extension of hospitality, asking Him to lead and direct all the details, knowing that I am completely incapable of accomplishing any good work without His all-enabling grace and power working through me. Becoming more prayerful means I am covering every detail in prayer. I am praying for these qualities to be cultivated and demonstrated in my life. I want others to be attracted to Jesus, to sense the fragrance of Christ, and not of Lindsay!
NEXT TIME
We will continue this book next time, Monday, Feb 16th, with chapter 2: Hospitality & Strangers. If you are interested in joining us, please do. There is still time. Order your copy today here!
YOUR TURN
I am interested in hearing what you took away from this chapter. Feel free to post comments below or write your thoughts on your blog (and come back and post the link in the comments). No need to share anything profound, just whatever stood out to you. Here are a few questions to get you started:
1. What character qualities do you believe are the most important to cultivate in preparing to practice hospitality?
2. Which of these are you lacking and how can you begin cultivating it more purposefully?
I am challenged to prepare for hospitality events differently from this chapter. Her encouragement to pray before hand is simple, yet so needed. Often it seems that even if my heart is in the right place beforehand I get caught up in the cooking, cleaning, preparing and caring for the children and find my heart has quickly wandered from serving to self introspection and fretfulness. I really desire to use my home and life to serve others, so this chapter was a good reminder that it takes not only willing hands to serve- but also thoughtful preparation and prayer. Thanks for organizing this study sis.
Until reading the first chapter of this book and further reading the scripture passages it cites, I had never realized how much God commmands hospitality. I knew it was something He wants us to do, but thought maybe it was mentioned once or twice. I think this book will help to expand my definition of hospitality. Most of what the author said really spoke to me. I’ve been working hard recently to be in the Word much more, to obey God in everything, and to turn my life over to him, but I’d never thought of this in connection with hospitality. Like Melissa I struggle with fear and anxiety when it comes to social situations. I’ve been blessed to discover how much scripture there is on giving everything over to God and dealing with this cross, and now will also pray for help in overcoming this so that I can obey His command to offer hospitality. I think for me, a lot of it comes down to trying to think of others more than I think of myself, and to try to demonstrate Christ’s love to everyone at all times.
I’m going to enjoy this book and I think it will help me to see the importance of hospitality in this day and age, specifically as a witnessing tool.
In reading this chapter one thing that struck me was my own lack of hospitality. I enjoy serving others, baking or making things for friends and family, but we rarely have other people over to our house. When I first got married it was that our apartment was too small to invite people over and many of our friends had kids and felt more comfortable getting together at their own house. Now, we live with my father-in-law for the time being and it feels weird to invite people over to a house that’s not really my house.
As for which character qualities I think are most important would be humility and being led by the Spirit. Humility seems to be a theme the Lord has for me this year(among the comments here too!) and being led by the Spirit because sometimes I have a hard time stepping out and doing the things I feel the Lord would have wants me to do, like talking to someone new or inviting a group of college kids to our house.
I think this chapter brought up in me that I really want to be hospitable to others and that I should probably, along with my husband, me more proactive in ministering to others in (and out) of our home.
Jessica,
I just wanted to encourage you that extending hospitality does not have to be limited to inviting people into your home (as you will see more in chapter 2). It includes being generous in offering time, money, and resources to serve and bless others. It could include making meals for someone, baking goods for neighbors, simply sharing material possessions, and extending love and encouragement through notes, phone calls and the like.
Also, I have found that extending hospitality in a small home is actually not difficult. We live in a small condo and it makes it more intimate and personal I believe. We remain close together throughout the evening and thus face to face in all our conversation. We have had several large families to our home and although it can get loud at times, it is always worth it! There is such rich reward in demonstrating hospitality even in a small home. Talk to you father-in-law about your feelings and ask for his thoughts. You may be surprised that he would be in support of you and offering his home in hospitality. Work together! Although this to be a time to build your relationship and serve others together.
Just my two cents. God bless your efforts!
I loved reading everyone’s comments. This study is a breath of fresh air for me and I am so glad to a part of it. I would love to be more hospitable, but feel paralyzed with fear. I know I have a lot of growing to do and this book will help a lot. I would encourage others to read over some of the verses that were cited in the text if they haven’t done so. Wow! Over and over the Lord tells his people to be free from anxiety, worry and the like! I have known this for years, but I need to start living by it by taking every thought captive.
It is easy to get paralyzed isn’t it? Yikes.
The verses you pointed out are very helpful. What’s so refreshing about this chapter was that she encouraged us to start small- just try having one couple over or bake some goodies for a neighbor- Baby steps!
I finally got my thoughts down today.
http://creative2xmom.blogspot.com/2009/02/practicing-hospitality-chp-1.html
I live in Mozambique and had read a while back you were going to study this book which I thought looked good but I couldn’t get it. Last week I was in South Africa at a Christian bookstore checking out the clearance table and thought “that book looks familiar, and good!” When I checked your blog yesterday, I thought “THAT’S why it looks familiar!” it was Practicing Hospitality. So I was delighted to see you were just starting!
I most need to address humility and prayer, a theme amongst the commentors! I would like my times of hospitality to go beyond doing something nice for people and become a genuine opportunity to minister. I also would like to not have a goal of impressing! It’s a thin line between having lovely ideas to bless others and doing for the sake of impressing.
I started my book just the other day and I really like how it seems to be a matter of the heart. (I guess that’s always it, though) If my heart is right with God then out of that will flow obedience and then blessings that I can pass on to others as I open my home and my life. I love that you don’t have to have it all together to be hospitable. Thank goodness!
Hi Jo,
I know sometimes lists and things like that can seem a bit like overkill at times. I think (and this is only my opinion) that because of the culture that we live in writers, teachers etc…want to make sure we have ALL the basics before they begin. For the most part, like you said, “the Pioneers and Victorians extended hospitality naturally,” but because of our culture and upbringing most of us do not have that “naturally” because it was never modeled for us. I winced at chapter one at first thinking I’ll jut breeze by this because I hate hokey list… but after reading it a few times I realized that I needed some if not most of those basics. I needed to start somewhere. Thanks for listening and I’ll be praying for you and hope God will give you much grace and strength as you walk through this illness.
This was a very good place to start for me. The qualities that I need to be working on right away are Humility, Obedience and Prayerful-ness.
Being Humble will not allow me to use my tendency for perfection to stop me from opening my home. I will do it knowing that the blessing it will bring is far more important then my un-vacuumed carpet. Obeying what god has called me to do and understanding that he will help me carry it out and most importantly spending time in prayer so that I can be a blessing to those who come into my home and also praying for them as well. I want to say more, but I don’t have too much time. It is a blessing to be reading this with you all.
Prayer was huge- so often I get everything together with the menu, decor etc but forget to commit the event to the Lord! In preparation for our Valentine Banquet I have really been pressing into praying over the activities/program and asking the Lord to edify and build up the couples in attendance.
The change it has brought in my own attitude is tremendous.
Additionally, I appreciated what she had to say about doing simple acts of “hopsitality” to encourage others. It reminded me of a personal story-
I have this particular red cookie tin. On the cover are three tin soldiers, aptly nicknamed Moe, Larry and Curly. Now, this is no ordinary tin, whenever someone is depressed, in need of encouragement, “just moved in” etc I drop off my special tin filled with goodies with a note of encouragement.
It is so fun to do- and I can’t believe how encouraging it can be to the recipient. I mean- it’s just a tin of cookies right?
It has been my small way of using hospitality to bless others while single- who says it has to all be in your home?
I agree with you, Lindsay. The things that stuck out the most for me also was my attitude. I am actually hosting a ladies’ tea tomorrow, so this book came at an excellent time! I tend to be a perfectionist, striving to make sure everything goes as planned and get very stressed when they don’t! Especially when guests don’t show or cancel, or the children make messes faster than I can clean them up! Well, all that stress inevitably comes out towards my family and guests, which is not good. So I am learning to just relax, and put on that garment of humility and aim for a peaceful, calm spirit, knowing that the Lord is in control, not me. This is very comforting!
I find the author’s approach to hospitality excellent, with those spiritual foundations crucial to being an example of Christ’s love and grace. Our attitude and spirit is everything…worth far more than just ambience or a fancy meal.
Thanks again for hosting this study!
I am only on pg. 30 but so far, to be honest, I think the author’s are making too much of making hospitality into a deep spiritual experience. I know that sounds terribly unspiritual. I just think, for example, that the pioneers and victorians extended hospitality naturally and I don’t see the need to make it super spiritual. I can see praying before company comes over but more than that….I don’t get it.
As far as areas I need to work on, mine would probably be humility. I tend to be a perfectionist, needing (not just wanting) the house and everything to be perfect. I am much better than I used to be but I could still use a little help in this area.
Right up front I guess I should say that I have been healing from a chronic illness for almost 8 years, so we haven’t been practicing hospitality for a L-O-N-G time.
I’m sorry I don’t sound very spiritual in this post. I don’t think I expressed myself very well.
Over Christmas my husband made a comment of my hosting duties while my family was visiting. It was an honest evaluation but not a flattering one. I realized that I was not serving others as I should and at that time decided that I needed to grow and better practice Christian hospitality. Then you announced this book study! I was so excited and want to thank you for that. It always amazes me how God works to meet the needs of people!
I read this chapter three times this week and gained something new from it each time. I realized that all the character qualities are important in practicing hospitality but the quality that stood out to me is obedience. My obedience to the Lord will help me humble myself to Him when I serve Him and others as a true woman of God. My obedience through study, prayer, learning biblical hospitality, and giving myself over to Him daily will help to improve in me all of the character qualities mentioned and will allow me to live my life in a way that honors God and helps other to see His glory.
What great comments and challenges! I am having to wait until we have the finances to order the book, but hoping to do so in the next week, so meanwhile I’ll have to glean from your summaries, so thanks for sharing
The two qualities that really stood out for me (besides, well, needing to work on all of them!) were Sincerity and being led by the Spirit.
Sincerity, for me, involves being “real”. I am a people-pleaser and grew up knowing how to talk/mingle with different kinds of people…but that hasn’t translated into being Christ-like in loving people as I converse with them, or offer them hospitality. It has translated into an ability to be “pleasant”, polite, say the right things, but not reaching out as the Spirit leads. So the two are tied in together, and I can vividly see how much I need to submit to Christ to work on this area.
What is neat is how this ties in with the challenges our Pastor has been giving us over the past months. To be transformed in our social relationships and our church-familial relationships…to seek to relate to one another as the gospels instruct us to, whether that be in our conversations with one another, or in our fellowshipping at each other’s homes, or our worship together. That we step outside the “what’s accepted to say/do” mentality, and really seek to be near to God together.
I’m not sure how to proceed from knowing that this is an area God wants to work on me, though. I will do some thinking and praying about it, and would love to hear if anyone else relates to this
You can browse the book free of charge on the Crossway website. The only limitation is that you can’t view more than 30 pages or so in a 24 hour period.
Great first chapter!
I posted my respone on my site.
There was so much in this chapter that impacted me. Page 30 asks the question, “Am I more concerned about what my guest wants to discuss than what I want to communicate?” It made me think about what I want to communicate when people come over. Is it that I’m a great housekeeper, cook, and decorator? Or is it that by serving the people who come over I honor God. Page 32 quotes Gal. 5:17-22 which says to abstain from selfish ambitions. Following the ideas in the book about purposeful planning for entertaining and praying for each event will help me focus on others.
This chapter was a great way to start this book! What a wonderful foundation it laid!!!
I posted about it on my blog: http://puttinggodfirstplace.blogspot.com/2009/02/practicing-hospitality-chapter-1.html
-Ashley