This is part 2 in a series delving into educational thoughts from my experiences. For part 1, visit here.
Thoughts on College
I received the similar question nearing the end of my high school years: “what are you planning on doing after high school?” Often times I was humiliated and almost ashamed to say that I wanted to be a wife and mother. Is this something to be ashamed of? Indeed no! I understand more fully now that it is a high calling, and yet requires a lot of skills! I do believe it is important to have skills that could earn a living if it were necessary, but it remains the husband’s responsibility to be the provider for the family. The Proverbs 31 woman had many skills she sought to use from her home to earn income. All young ladies should be cultivating these skills (sewing, teaching, etc). The ideas are endless.
After high school, I had a love for music (having studied piano for over 12 years & violin for 5 years), and thus wanted to pursue further education. As I was also teaching piano, I considered the great benefit it would have for my teaching. I took a year off before registering at a local college, and I absolutely loved it! It was so exciting and inspiring. It was exciting working for A’s in my classes. My teacher really liked me, and I loved finding favor in her sight! Seems rather humerous to those who have been public schooled, I would imagine. I just loved the challenge to prove myself!
Before the end of my first semester, I realized that I was already giving into many false deceptions that the world offers…the desire to have my own career and achieving success and position by my accomplishments. Not that having a career is bad, but this desire was consuming me. IT was all about ME! My passion for studying and establishing myself was becoming an idol in my life. Through much prayer, struggle and questioning, the Lord led me to drop out of school after completing my first semester. It was just in time for the week following this decision, Aaron asked me to marry him. SO I was all busy with wedding preparation! The Lord was sovereign through it all.
I began my piano teaching at sixteen years of age from my home, without a college degree, and still had an endless supply of teaching. I had completed an advanced piano syllabus course through private lessons and was able to become a certified piano instructor through this endeavor. I only advertised at the very beginning and from there on out it was word of mouth. I loved it! I could work from my home, make my own schedule and go from there.
Since dropping out of school, I have struggled on a few occasions with this decision. Partly due to my sinful tendencies to compare myself to others (one of my ongoing battles!), and desiring to have others think highly of me in my accomplishments. I have gone through this struggle again recently in fact. I wanted to go back to school because I felt incapable of teaching beyond a certain level. I felt stupid and worthless.
After taking my struggles to my husband again, he reminded me…God has placed me in a new season of life. I am a wife and mother. How would going to school help me in these roles? Did I consider that the enemy might be seeking to make me ineffective in my ministry as a homemaker by distracting and discouraging me with these thoughts? It was true. The enemy was seeking to pull me down in frustration and discouragement…taking my mind off living my life for others and focusing it on how the world views me. That is definitely not fruitful!
To be continued…
I just discovered your blog by chance, (I was Google-searching a recipe for chichen curry, of all things!)and I am so inspired and encouraged by your thoughts!
Like you, I was taught at home for 12 years. I had always wanted to go to college and continue my education, so I chose a Christian university half-way accross the country from my home, and off I went! I drove myself impossibly hard during my first two semesters, trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I was “good enough” to make it in the “real world.” My goals centered around career, independence and a large salary so that I wouldn’t have to worry about money (or so I thought). But even though I shunned the idea of marriage and family, I knew deep down that I still wanted it. I wanted a loving, godly husband and I wanted to find fulfillment as a wife and mother. The problem was that I was that I saw marriage and motherhood as a trap. I was fearful of men and afraid that I would not be able to love and care for my children joyfully.
Fortunately, God directly intervened in my life at the end of my junior year of college and changed my heart! He made me excited about being a SAHM. Rather than it being a waste of my talents, I began to see it as a way to fully realize every gift he had blessed me with. What a difference! I graduated from college with a completely different outlook on the world and my role in it than I had when I started.
I am now married to a WONDERFUL husband, who supports me and encourages me to use my skills. He respects me as an equal partner on every level and it is a joy for me follow his leadership. We have a 3 month old daughter who is a joy and blessing and I’m already reading board books to her and looking forward to beginning “real” homeschooling.
The point is that college is GREAT and I definitely don’t regret it. I will certainly encourage my children to attend college, if that is what they want to do. I feel that college broadend my perspective and helped me develop some important skills that have proved invaluable to me. BUT that doesn’t mean that everyone should go or that you shouldn’t go if your dream is to be a SAHM. Everyone should make this decision for themselves and I believe that parents should be supportive and encouraging of their children if they choose to go to college.
Thank you for everything you share of your personal experiences. It truly is a blessing to me! I am a home schooled student who is about to leave for college this fall, and I am in need of the Lord’s wisdom so that I may have discernment and strength of faith to guide my heart when I am away from my parents and the familiarities of home. You words cause me to stop and reflect my intentions for going to college. Yes, I love to learn. But I must not let my love for learning interfere with my will to follow the Lord’s path for me. And I must continue to cultivate the skills that will be useful to me as a wife and mother, and most of all, I must not pursue knowledge for the sake of knowledge, but in an effort to please the Lord. This is an important lesson for me to learn, and I will continue to ask the Lord for wisdom so that I may truly take it to heart. Thank you Lindsay, for God used your words to teach me these things. And I’d appreciate any other advice you feel led to offer me!
When I was graduating from high school, I remember feeling that all I wanted was to be a wife and mother. I thought that I was the only one who had those feelings. I took the path that I felt was expected of me and went to college. I was not ready for it, and suffered many years of being out of God’s will because of how I allowed my experiences there to alter my life.
I am thankful that since that time I have accepted Jesus as my Lord. My husband works hard to take care of us, and we do without many things so that I can be with our children full time. It isn’t easy but it has been such a blessing. While moms that stay at home are sometimes looked down upon, I know it is what God wants for our family. As long as I am in His will, I don’t care how it looks to others.
And yes, Satan would love nothing better than to have us comparing ourselves with other moms. Just remember that when we do, we may not be seeing ALL there is to see. Just because someone seems to have it all, doesn’t mean that they necessarily do.
This was interesting to read! As a long time reader but never before commenter, I felt compelled to leave my two cents.
I too wanted to be a mother and wife and was afraid to admit it while in college. The one time I did, my advisor (a woman) gasped and shook her head like I’d mentioned wanting to commit a crime.
Now that I do have a career, and I bring home more income than my husband, I am finding it SO difficult to be a good mother to our two adopted boys. I want to home-school them, and can’t. I want to explore and create with them, and can’t. I want to teach them to play music (piano, oboe, recorder, bassoon, trumpet, drums) and can’t. My “spare” time is very spare indeed.
I certainly don’t regret my education, and in fact relish it, but I do wish I didn’t HAVE to continue in my career path. Unlike you, I don’t find anything wrong with wanting to feel accomplished, but I want to feel the same way about being a mom and wife too…and I don’t.
Thankfully, my husband supports me emotionally, and with the children and the household equally. It is good to see him as a partner and an equal when it comes to raising our children and keeping our home, but I do sometimes wish I could be a SAHM.
Thanks for this honest and encouraging post! I fight the same struggles… and it is such a great thing for you to be married to a man who has a Christ centered world view and who supports your spiritual grow! Blessings, Madeleine
Love this post!! As a Mama to five girls–so far– I can already feel the
pressure about life beyond their home school education.(And my oldest is
only 9) People have VERY strong opinions on what they think is the best
path for my daughters. Your post was very good at bringing it all into
perspective. Another great resource is the DVD–Return of the Daughters.
Thanks again– can’t wait for more.
Blessings~
Shelly
Oh, it is so easy to fall into that trap of comparing ourselves to others, isn’t it?
I am on the opposite end of the spectrum.
I spent 8 years in college, pursuing one goal and another and another.
I am now a SAHM and having never been trained in that role, I struggle with many aspects of it.
I constantly think I am not a good enough mother, wife, housekeeper, etc. Maybe I should go back to nursing, make a good living, and put the kids in a Christian school. I do believe it is the enemy at work.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and vulnerabilites on this topic.
Wanting to serve one’s family is (absolutely) not a popular view in today’s culture.
FOr what it’s worth, I admire you.