This post is written by contributing writer, Kat.
A few months ago I had one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days that all moms have every once in awhile.
Sometimes every two or three times in awhile.
After finally putting the kids to bed, with a deep sigh felt through the ages, I buried my head in my husband’s chest and in true Anne of Green Gables fashion, I proceeded to pour out my frustration and deep despair at what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day it was and what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mom I was.
I mentally calculated the future therapy bill my kids would require after our rotten day.
Finally, in an expression of true blogger angst, I said, “…and what the WORLD am I doing writing a blog about motherhood?!!! I’m a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mom!!”
But I’m not dramatic. Obviously.
Yet my wonderfully patient, wise husband gently replied, “Sweetie, it’s not about the mom you were today. It’s about the mom you’re FIGHTING to be. And you? You’re FIGHTING to be a great mom…”
His words of comfort silenced me.
Friends, we all have bad days. Sometimes we have bad weeks. Maybe you’ve had bad years. But those are the past. We can learn from them, but they DO NOT define us.
Our mistakes are part of our journey. They are NOT our definition.
In light of the magnificent purpose to which we have been called, we cannot waste time nurturing our regrets. They require too much of us.
We can learn from our bad days, our mistakes and then we must lay them down, leave them behind and fight on.
Sounds like there are many of us who sighed that sigh quite recently. Mine just finished. And instead of spending the rest of the night reading blogs from “better” moms, I’m going to make the cowprint vest for my dear boy’s costume. Thank you so much, Kat!
Thank-you for this post- it is applicable to all ages of motherhood. At 52, with 4 grown, married children, we have been blessed with 15 grandchildren, and mothering continues to be my greatest joy and achievement. I am finding that there is plenty of continued growth for the established matriarch.
Your statement that:
“In light of the magnificent purpose to which we have been called, we cannot waste time nurturing our regrets. They require too much of us.” rang true for me.
There is not a mother alive who hasn’t experienced feelings of discouragement or regret, but you are absolutely right that nurturing regret requires too much of us- regrets, along with blame and lack of forgiveness (toward ourselves or others) drain our energy and our Spirit. While it is important to learn from our mistakes, regret immobilizes and cripples us. It is one of the adversary’s greatest tools, and we must do all we can not to succumb.
PS Tami, I am in the same stage of life as you are. Have you found other meaningful sites that are directed at women of our age and stage? I have found tons of wonderful young mothers’ blogs and am learning with them, but would also enjoy a similar discussion with my peers.
These words were exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you for your honesty!
I was hoping that God would have this post be for me today, and it was! I He does care and wants the very best for all of us. This is my very LARGE struggle today with my little one. Thank you for sharing your struggles as well as your husband’s wise words:)
This post brought tears to my eyes. I really needed to hear this. Thank you!
This is just what I needed to read today! With two little ones three and under I often pray for grace all day long just to get through bad days! It’s reassuring to remember your husband’s fantastic advice!
Best,
Sarah
Thank you for the wonderful post!!!
Wow! The hard days are fighting to be a mom days. That is so true. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Wow – the perfect comment from your husband. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing. It lifted up my spirits today that I am having a bad day being unable to pacify my crying newborn baby. It sometimes feel that I am not made to be a mom but after reading your post, my confidence has been restored. Keep on blogging, you are helping many others with your writing. God bless you!
I so needed this today. It hasn’t been a totally horrible day but moments here and there are adding up. Thank you for this reminder. We can even leave what we regret behind in the middle of the day and start over with God’s grace.
Thanks for sharing! This made me think of the night several months ago when I crawled into bed, 8 months pregnant, and cried into my pillow moaning to my husband about how I couldn’t stand all the CRYING my two and 4 year old were always doing!! (The irony didn’t escape me, even at the time). My husband, too, spoke encouraging words and I made a decision to obey God CHEERFULLY, just like I’m always telling the kids to do, and raise these children to His glory. What good does all the whining and crying do for us, anyway??!! I don’t always succeed, but by God’s grace I have been having more “good” days than “bad” lately. Praise Him for His faithfulness!!
Oh wow! I really needed to read this. I love the comment your husband made about being a fighting mom. Instead of feeling like a horrible mom, I can take that negative, and turn it around into a positive, a fighting mom. Thank you so much for this. It has blessed my heart.
Thank you for sharing!! These same thoughts consume my evenings from time to time. I, too, have a 2, 5 and 7 year old. It’s amazing what a brand new day can bring. Hope and a clean slate!
Wow, Kat. The Lord knew I needed to hear this today of all days! Thank you so much! And like Anne, we can remember that each day is fresh with no mistakes in it (and with the grace of God we are forgiven anyway
). Love your posts!
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it!” would be Annes response! I truely needed to hear this today!
THANK YOU. This is so true. I will remember this, especially about not wasting time thinking about all my regrets. I am FIGHTING to be a great Mom, even if I am not there yet!
I really, really needed this today. Thanks!!!!
I really need this, Kat. I had a horrendous day on Friday and was thinking all kinds of desperate thoughts.
Kat, I really appreciate your honesty and willingness to share the true struggles and obstacles to be overcome in growing as a woman of substance. We are not defined by our circumstances, but rather, we define our circumstances through courageous character.
I’m a 53 year old mother of 6 and grandmother of 12 who is still striving to grow in grace and love to become the mother/grandmother that God has called me to be. It’s a life-long pursuit of patient perseverance…more of a marathon than a sprint. Press on, sisters!
GOD Bless your husband who gave you a “drink of water” when you were down… There is no condemnation in Christ JESUS!! Tell him “well done good and faithful servant”!! Yay GOD!! Also, do not be so hard on yourself, JESUS covers all of our mistakes… All we can do is grab on to His skirt EVERY day
Very good post! I am thankful that when we see our bad days as a part of the bigger picture they can actually help us to become better moms!
Thanks, that was encouraging after a week of colds, new molars, horrible diaper rash, and lots of whining and melt downs (and I’m ashamed to say my toddler wasn’t the only one whining.)
Amen!
Thank you for the encouragement! God bless you!
What a blessing it was to read this today. I follow your blog occassionally…but after my horrible, no good day I wound down by taking a peek at your blog. I am the wife of a pastor. Although I don’t have a mothering blog, I do feel the pressure at times. I love the challenge of parenting and appreciate the words of encouragment on this exhauting day. Your “incouraging” words have helped “put courage in me” to continue to fight to be the mother I know God has called me to be! Thanks!
Thank you, Kat, for sharing this. It was a great epiphany to me when I watched your video. Tell your husband “thank you”, too. Such simple, yet profound, encouragement. I will keep fighting!
Very timely post for me… thanks for the encouragement!!! Blessings to you. : )
This was so uplifting and encouraging!
Thank you! Kat, your posts always resonate with me! Praise the Lord!
thank you. to you for posting, and for your husband for saying. I really needed that today.
That’s a great reminder! thanks
Thank you! We’re in one of those “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad YEARS” stretches, and I really needed this.
What an encouraging word this morning! Here I am, at home, with my six year old, a ‘sick’ little boy who is most likely feeling yucky because I let him eat way too much candy at a harvest party yesterday! After parenting now for over 23 years I wonder if I will EVER get it right. *sigh*
I often think of it as getting up every day and continuing the fight. When I think about it that way, I think about my armor of God and all that is at stake.
Sometimes I wonder if I forget to get up in the morning and think of the possibilities. Enjoying the moments.
If I don’t keep fighting, I guess I can’t embrace the moments!
WOW!! I needed that today! Thank you! (From another Texas mommy)!!
Wow, I love what your hubby said. What a great guy! (Or the great guy he wants to sound like??? Ha)
Thank you for writing this. It’s nice to know that you aren’t perfect and that I, too, am not a horrible mom just because I had a bad day.
Our mistakes don’t define us … great words.
Thank you again for sharing.
Great words to remember after a bad day!
If I had a dollar for every terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day I had as a mom I would be a very rich woman indeed. But…that is NOT what defines me. And the good days FAR outweighed the bad. Praise the Lord for that!
So beautiful.
Those were beautiful words of wisdom from your husband.
And isn’t it GREAT that the day after you’ve had a horrible day, those little angels wake up and forget all about it? They are so forgiving and a great example of the way Jesus forgives us without a second thought!
Amen to that!
This! Totally a great example to me! Never a second thought to forgive.
BRAVO!
These Kinds of posts are so uplifting. Keep it up!